Thank you all for another thoughtful and well-produced program. I hope you are getting meaningful analytics that reflect the Lyz-verse's enjoyment of the podcasts, because they are worthwhile and absolutely should continue. Each one adds to the quality of MYaM's advocacy.
On the way to work in the small hours today, I noted as I do each M-Sat the outdoor workout achievements of the 10-15 flag-waving enthusiasts flexing and jumping and bending. Are they Blue Lives Matter-ing or Promise Keeper-ing or star-spangled patriots or just the typical composite of white male voters in Georgia or all of the above? Today, I worried less about that and more about the space(s) left in their wake by choosing to do group push-ups in a parking lot at 530a. Is this their "yoga three nights a week" move? Hell, maybe they're all super dudes and super dads, and what's the point of white male privilege if you're not going to (pardon the pun) exercise it...? Maybe none of my business; maybe everyone's business.
I reflected further, as one does, upon my own choices to uncheck privilege and how similar I am to these fellows, despite any cosmetic political differences. Was my descent from spirited fitness in a tropical paradise to self-destructive obsession a way to put some space between myself and my failing marriage or was it actively failing the marriage? Not until today did I consider an additional layer of conflict, that this was also an act of body-shaming myself AND my soon to be ex? She couldn't hop on a bike and ride 50 miles whenever she believed she needed to -- she did not believe she needed to, and yikes, when it's about needing to, that flag is indeed crimson red -- and no doubt that added to my dissatisfaction and frustration, whether I was conscious of it or not. There are the wedges we knowingly drive between ourselves and others, and then there are all the other wedges. I have to own all of mine... and, you know, maybe knock it off with the wedge-driving. 12 years out from all that, I'm still working on it.
I once gaped at a video by a young dad with an infant at home who was justifying what looked like an obsessive, time-sucking fitness routine by insisting that he was doing it for his child.
I mean, yes, attending to your health is a good thing for a parent to do. Especially when you consider the volume of women online who agonize that their husbands have horrible health habits seemingly without regard for their children.
But I have also never, ever heard an adult express gratitude that their father spent 10-15 hours a week at the gym. Like, not once.
On the whole child support issue, I was previously a child support attorney for the State. In North Dakota, you can’t agree to establish a child support obligation below the amount required by the guidelines (which is based mainly on income, but also other factors). We had to file to modify divorce agreements often, and (mostly) dads were not happy about it. And it was so common for a dad to try to increase his parenting time in order to reduce his child support obligation. It was pretty heartbreaking.
I’ve known more than five moms who got full custody of their kids by telling the dad he wouldn’t have to pay child support and that makes me so so so sad
It was a strange, sometimes cathartic, position to be the person to say “According to the State, your agreement is bullshit, and I have your tax returns.”
Thank you all for another thoughtful and well-produced program. I hope you are getting meaningful analytics that reflect the Lyz-verse's enjoyment of the podcasts, because they are worthwhile and absolutely should continue. Each one adds to the quality of MYaM's advocacy.
On the way to work in the small hours today, I noted as I do each M-Sat the outdoor workout achievements of the 10-15 flag-waving enthusiasts flexing and jumping and bending. Are they Blue Lives Matter-ing or Promise Keeper-ing or star-spangled patriots or just the typical composite of white male voters in Georgia or all of the above? Today, I worried less about that and more about the space(s) left in their wake by choosing to do group push-ups in a parking lot at 530a. Is this their "yoga three nights a week" move? Hell, maybe they're all super dudes and super dads, and what's the point of white male privilege if you're not going to (pardon the pun) exercise it...? Maybe none of my business; maybe everyone's business.
I reflected further, as one does, upon my own choices to uncheck privilege and how similar I am to these fellows, despite any cosmetic political differences. Was my descent from spirited fitness in a tropical paradise to self-destructive obsession a way to put some space between myself and my failing marriage or was it actively failing the marriage? Not until today did I consider an additional layer of conflict, that this was also an act of body-shaming myself AND my soon to be ex? She couldn't hop on a bike and ride 50 miles whenever she believed she needed to -- she did not believe she needed to, and yikes, when it's about needing to, that flag is indeed crimson red -- and no doubt that added to my dissatisfaction and frustration, whether I was conscious of it or not. There are the wedges we knowingly drive between ourselves and others, and then there are all the other wedges. I have to own all of mine... and, you know, maybe knock it off with the wedge-driving. 12 years out from all that, I'm still working on it.
This is some important reflection and self work. Thanks for being so honest about your journey and for being open to reevaluating….that’s not easy
I once gaped at a video by a young dad with an infant at home who was justifying what looked like an obsessive, time-sucking fitness routine by insisting that he was doing it for his child.
I mean, yes, attending to your health is a good thing for a parent to do. Especially when you consider the volume of women online who agonize that their husbands have horrible health habits seemingly without regard for their children.
But I have also never, ever heard an adult express gratitude that their father spent 10-15 hours a week at the gym. Like, not once.
On the whole child support issue, I was previously a child support attorney for the State. In North Dakota, you can’t agree to establish a child support obligation below the amount required by the guidelines (which is based mainly on income, but also other factors). We had to file to modify divorce agreements often, and (mostly) dads were not happy about it. And it was so common for a dad to try to increase his parenting time in order to reduce his child support obligation. It was pretty heartbreaking.
I’ve known more than five moms who got full custody of their kids by telling the dad he wouldn’t have to pay child support and that makes me so so so sad
It was a strange, sometimes cathartic, position to be the person to say “According to the State, your agreement is bullshit, and I have your tax returns.”
I learn a lot from your podcasts, and often your humor hits my funny bone.
Thanks.
Mike, an 80 y.o. happily married white man. ( I lucked out. My wife is a force of nature.)