105 Comments

That candle just listened to a podcast and is now an expert on the subject

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If you have any questions, this expert will man-flame everything for you.

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Oh Cindy! That’s good!!! Actual irl laugh

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hahaha 😆 that's incredible

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Alex, I literally spit my coffee at my work desk when reading this one

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Bwahahahahahahahaha

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Wanted to use the haha emoji in texts--perfect addition!

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The news was so shit this week I had a minor mental breakdown last night. Then I woke up to this newsletter that perfectly encapsulates everything I’m feeling. I didn’t need a laugh this week; I needed catharsis. Thank you for this and for all your writing. I feel less alone when I read your newsletter.

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Came here to say some variant on this... I work a job that I took because I *needed* a job after getting laid of and it's sucking the lifeblood out of me (yes I'm looking), and this has been a week that I have hated all the news and hated how tired I am all the time, and the honesty that you put in this newsletter made me feel much less alone, and much more able to just say "this all sucks" and keep going. Cheers.

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I swear to god by Wednesday I’m like, dingus will be here soon. Just hold out for the dingus.

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In some alternate and better timeline, Holding on for the Dingus is a Weird Al sendup of Bonnie Tyler.

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As a high school grad of the 80s, I can perfectly hear this.

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You said it perfectly! Thanks for that, Melva! Spot on! Me too

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Yes, also me!

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right there with you!

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Yes, ditto.

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Even in the bleakest of bleak weeks, this newsletter is something to look forward to. Also I just took a whiff and that candle smells like it "makes half the dinners" by grilling out once a week in the summer.

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I still have grill PTSD from preparing everything for the cookout, then having my (now ex) husband claim all the credit because he grilled. 🙄🙄🙄

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Every time a man has been like, 'let's just do burgers' at a gathering and proceeds to literally just grill a pile of meat and expect the buns, cheese, onions, mustard, ketchup, lettuce, chips, macaroni salad, homemade brownies, plates, napkins, cups and forks to self-materialize.....

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And, I’m assuming, doing the cleaning up?

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There's no cleanup with hubby grills. 'Cause it's a grill. ;-)

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The PTSD I’m having right now is so real

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Years ago, when kids were little, the inlaws came to visit us and we were eating at home that night. I went out to grill whatever, and my MIL said in a shocked tone "you do the grilling?" I said "I do all the cooking." When FIL came to observe my skills, he was surprised at how adept I was at the grilling. Like my puny girly arms could even lift the tongs or something. (Also now that he's retired, husband does most of the cooking. I still am grill master, tho.)

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Damn good one!

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thanks for making me laugh out loud, beau! brilliant.

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Oh, that's a good one!

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That candle has more of a comment than a question. (And also: my rage at the state of the world--and at the president of the university where I teach who called the NYPD on student protesters, way to go, Linda Mills, head of the "global university"-- anyway, I'm rage planting. Spent way more than I can afford at the farmer's market on plants and have been ferociously potting them for my little balcony. So now I can also blame the governement on wrecking my budget)

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This candle smells like disdain because “everybody gets a trophy”

This candle smells like confusion because rappers can say that word but it can’t

This candle smells like it knows a better way to get there than a phone that literally knows every street in the world.

This candle smells like it never really knows if cargo shorts are in style or not

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That candle smells like it's happy to help out if you'll just tell it what needs to be done.

And also how to do it.

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That candle smells like it would have helped if you had said "Would you do the dishes" instead of "Can you do the dishes?"

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That candle's love language is physical affection.

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*snort laugh*

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That candle is starting to smell a lot like my ex

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Hahahahaha 😭😭😭😭

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ouch

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That candle smells like it takes 45-60 minutes in the bathroom

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Right before you have to leave

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That candle is going to be half off soon, and it will protest that women need to settle on bargain bin candles to save democracy.

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lmao

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That candle smells like it hasn't washed its sheets in months.

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😂😭

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Our theory in college of why the boys' wing smelled like it did was that they didn't ever wash their sheets.

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Yesterday, one of my son's coworkers called out, "I'm probably going to be arrested at a protest today." I don't even know her but I'm proud of her. "Tin soldiers and Nixon coming, we're finally on our own. This summer I hear the drumming...."

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Ohio is such a good song, and so many people don’t know the protest songs of the 60s.

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OH, that is EXCELLENT!

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Such a great list. Loved seeing The Pogues and The Wailers on it.

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Chin up Lyz. At some level it can feel like you’re carrying the burdens alone. There’s no “but.” “And” your substack newsletter impacts many, many people and sometimes you give us an idea or a laugh, but always inspiration. That’s more goodness shared than any church I ever sat in. I really hope my three daughters grow up to have your courage, humanity and tenacity. Peace.

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Amen…no pun intended.

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Are you sure?

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I apologize, autocorrect had me misspell your name. Destroys the value of a heartfelt comment.

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that candle did it.

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In May of 1970 I was a graduate student at Kent State University. I have grand daughters, one a college senior, the other soon to matriculate. Today I wrote to each of them: What happened in Ohio on 4 May 1970 has colored the whole of my life. You are of the same age as those who died that day. Yes I am conflicted when it comes to your right to speak about injustice.

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i'll never forget that day and i cried all over again when i read your post. we remember.

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I don't react well when Star Trek folks greet me with: May the Fourth be with you.

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I was going to comment about how "well" it went at Kent State to get "help"from the National Guard.

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The Republican governor was re-elected , so from his standpoint it was okay fine.

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And we continue to live the nightmare.

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I don't remember Kent State, but I do remember the apartheid campus protests of the 80s, and they were mostly peaceful. Like the ruling class had at least learned from and remembered 1970.

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Dear Lyz: there will be days and weeks like this one, but your fans and supporters love you through it. You are a bright spot for many of us - speaking and validating our thoughts. Even when you are exhausted and angry, you are an inspiration. It will pass, you will remain. Xoxoxox

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came here just to drop a "not all candles" 😅

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That candle smells like the contractor who, when I pointed out the window wouldn't work there (I could tell that the eaves were too low to allow the window,) he practically winked at me and told me to follow him inside, saying he'll show me how it will work. (Then inside he was amazed that I was right.)

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Oh honey, how could you know that? It’s only the ones who wear the tool belts that know best.

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My countertop ice maker is one of my most favorite things ever. I honestly think it keeps me a little less furious at the world, a little less frustrated with the state of things. And when I get home today, I am absolutely making coconut water lemonade with rum. Happy Friday, Lyz. We are all gonna hang in there right along with you.

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The good ice maker is one of the nicest things we've gotten in the last several years. We adore ours. Sometimes something as simple as the good ice really does make it easier to keep going!

I'm Gen X, and my husband and I (raising a Gen Alpha) are both of the mindset that any time Gen Z is pissed off and ready to protest and shake the world (like after Parkland)? Go get 'em, kids. We have bail money if you need it, and we'll help you make the signs.

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I’m avoiding talking about the hard stuff right now because I am having major stress dreams where my teeth fall out (final master’s capstone due next week) and last night I had a dream where I had all this gum in my mouth that stuck to my teeth and throat and it was just neverending pulling it out of my mouth and it never stopped and OMG, ugh. ANYWAY, I love that everyone knows what “good ice” is. Growing up Sorrento’s pizza in Arbutus had the Good Ice. Now, the Store At The End of the Road has it. Good ice is a valuable commodity when you just need a simple pleasure.

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when I have the losing teeth dream, mine are like little baby corn kernels... good luck with your capstone - may you blow that candle out once and for good :)

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Thank you! When I have those dreams, I am aware that my teeth are loose and I am supposed to not wiggle them, but I can’t help myself, and they start coming out in my hands… and then they usually disintegrate. Recently, I had one where I was cracking the molars and pulling them out. BIG changes, obviously. I love dream interpretations, and I’m usually pretty good at understanding what my psyche is trying to tell me.

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