Dingus of the week: Free speech absolutists who want kids arrested

Also, we need rum

This week, hundreds of college students at universities across the United States set up tent settlements on their campuses to protest the ongoing war in Gaza.

In response, free speech absolutists like Caitlin Flanagan and Texas Gov. Greg Abbott said, “fuck them kids.” 

Intellectual heavy hitters like the folks at the Daily Mail have dubbed Gen Z the “snowflake generation,” implying they are liable to melt down under the smallest amount of pressure. And yet, the moment these kids set up tents on a campus quad, the speaker of the House demands that the president call in the National Guard.

Looks like everyone’s a free speech absolutist when the question is whether those dapper Nazis can yell “blood and soil.” But when 18-year-olds demand we stop funding genocide, it’s terrorism and time to call the cops.

Tom Cotton, that bastion of peace, morality and American freedoms perhaps best known for wanting to call the infantry on Black Lives Matter activists, thinks people should use their cars to run over protesters.

So, if I have this clear, being a free speech absolutist means that you are in favor of free speech unless…

1. People demand that institutions be held accountable for their actions, especially when they involve the mass murder of children

2. Someone who is 18 refuses to tell you you have rizz

I’m sorry you felt a little uncomfortable in your country, Tommy. Maybe you feel like you aren’t fully respected? Maybe you feel mildly inconvenienced? That must suck. As a person with a womb I have no idea what that must be like. Anyway, I have to go listen to Alito say I’m less valuable than a clump of cells.

It’s unfortunate that everyone in power has become a Simpsons meme.

Gen Z grew up seeing that the adults cannot and will not keep them safe from school shooters. They saw us mismanage a pandemic while their mental health struggles were trivialized; now they are watching their rights get taken away while the adults lose organ function over Kids These Days going to Sephora for a little moisturizer.

And when they call for peace, they’re violently arrested.

You expect them to respect authority? In this economy? When one of the highest courts in the land is entertaining arguments like “are women actually people?” and “can the president can do a little murder, as a treat?” But sure, students calling for an end to genocide are the real problem.

Meanwhile, while we wring our hands over whose feelings are hurt because a 22-year-old said “don’t do war crimes,” mass graves are being uncovered at the site of Gaza hospitals razed by bombs.

But don’t worry, our government is on it. The government is on it. They fixed the problem.

No, not healthcare.

No, not codifying access to abortions.

No, no, not ensuring healthcare for trans kids.

No, not the pay gap or the housing crisis.

In a time of war, devastation, and state-sponsored violence being used to suppress free speech, our leaders have banned TikTok.

And now, let’s make fun of a candle

This candle smells like it’s fiscally conservative but socially liberal.

This candle smells like it just asked you to please calm down and be rational.

This candle smells like it wants you to know that the #MeToo movement has gone too far.

This candle smells like it just emailed me to tell me it’s one of the few good men because it does the dishes.

This candle smells like it’s going to play some Beatles songs you’ve probably never heard of at open mic this week.

This candle smells like it thinks Bluey’s dad is setting too high a standard for other dads.

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And now for some good news

This week, I wrote a newsletter where I gave updates on three stories I reported on last year. These updates are mostly good!

The FTC banned non-competes.

There is a growing movement to make sex education actually educational and sex-positive.

The Sports Bra, the first sports bar dedicated to women’s sports, is expanding!

Airlines are now required to compensate passengers for canceled or delayed flights.

Connecticut is expanding paid sick leave.

And look, good media news. The Onion has a new owner and it’s everyone’s tier one disinformation reporter, Ben Collins.

What I am drinking

Some weeks the Friday newsletter feels like a slog. The mission of this newsletter is to find the joy in the fight and to laugh even through tears. But I have to say, this week felt hard. Maybe I am just combating burnout from the book launch. Maybe I’m also burned out from the inevitable harassment that came with the book’s success. Maybe I’m tired of seeing people argue that because I have a womb I am not a whole person. Maybe I’m burned out from the personal failures that came with the book’s success. Turns out, you can write a whole book that tackles how women’s success often makes men insecure, and still have it happen to you in your own life. Nothing makes you immune from misogyny. 

I’m tired. I’m so angry. I tried to take a lot of walks and listen to music. You know, get back to nature. But guess what? I’m still tired and angry. I keep kicking lots of rocks.

I think it’s okay. In fact, I think being tired and angry is the correct response to this mess.

This isn’t my first week like this. It won’t be my last. This week, I felt like finding the good was like panning for gold in a kiddie pool. Why are we even doing this? Feels silly.

But you know what, the sunset still exists. The weather is warmer. And our work and our voices matter. There is also rum and good ice.

Back in February, my kids and I decided to get something for the house that made all of our lives just a little better. We settled on a countertop ice machine that makes that pellet ice like from Sonic.

You know, the good ice.

Good ice is a religion for me. Growing up, one of the things I learned from my mom was that when life got tough, you got your nails done and got a Coke with the good ice from the drive-through.

I now have good ice in my home. My kids are happy. I am happy. 

This week, I am filling a cup with the good ice and making coconut water lemonade. Then I’m adding rum.

(When I made this drink I thought maybe I’d add tequila, but no, rum was the right choice.)