Even in blue states we have red state behavior - at least on a small scale. So our current mayor established a LBGTQ group to support his campaign. 2 of them were active on town affairs, one is running to town council and one is on the Bd of Ed.
But as soon as he got in office, he has an ordinance created (and passed) that said that the only flags that can fly over town hall are the US flag and the POW flag. He offered to have the pride flag fly in a park that no one would see... (he is a jerk by the way). The LBGTQ committee all resigned.
He does not have enough power to do more, but assholes abound.
Beautifully said. One of the best things about being queer is gaining an instant family. Fire Island Pines, where I spend time each summer, is a gayborhood of epic proportions. I am on my way to a sapphic book conference (GCLS). We naturally seek out these safe spaces, large and small, and we find them. Good on you. Thank you, Lyz.
I must not have read this when it was originally published, but my heart just melted so many times. I love this essay. I love that you have your gayborhood and that you have community. I'm a queer trans woman who lives in Providence RI and so much of what your wrote resonates, nothing more so than this:
Once you decide to choose being yourself over the traditional expectations of family, a whole new way of living opens itself up to you — one that’s free of gender roles and expectations and full of beautiful possibilities.
That Molly moved from Minnesota to Iowa to find a more LGBTQ-friendly state not much more than 10 years ago shows how quickly things can change. I moved TO Minnesota just a couple of years ago, partially because it is now so LGBTQ-friendly. Even that, however, is an oversimplification. Minnesota, like almost every other "blue" state, has mostly red counties (based on the 2024 election), but the counties containing the larger cities are blue. Minnesota has democratic leadership, but the House is equally split, and the democratic majority in the Senate is small (I believe it's just a single seat). The next election could change everything. There are certainly states I would avoid like the plague - Texas and Florida top the list - but no place is truly safe for trans folks like me, or queer folks in general, in the current political climate.
Beautiful. Some purple states are just more...chill...than others. Virginia is one of them. Our brief soccer mom flirtation with racist demagogues in the GOP (parents' rights!) got us Youngkin, a political and intellectual snowflake in a sweater vest. A few of our GOP representatives are pretty out there, but most of the rest of Virginia doesn't have time or the raw hatred for most of the MAGA nonsense. It's probably the influence of Northern Virginia government-related workers, especially in the defense and technology industries. A high percentage of VA voters are educated and the state is now pretty diverse. We should get a great woman for a new governor this fall in Abigail Spanberger.
Thank you Bethany. Spanberger isn't perfect but she's our candidate and she's a thousand miles better than ANY Republican in this state. She may surprise you once she's in office.
I live in the "Texas of Canada" (Alberta) but my city is the one beacon of progressiveness in a sea of hillbillies and I'm so thankful for that every day. Even though our own Christian right is literally watching the American government and taking notes, I'm at least physically surrounded by people who believe in trans rights and equality and saving the environment and just everything with love at its core. I hope everyone finds their place and makes it better just by existing.
I'm a straight guy living by myself in a condo neighborhood (full of older people) on the East Side of Iowa City and I read this:
"I was nervous about buying a house and living alone as a queer woman in a red state, but when I saw that there was a house three doors down from Ben and his partner, my anxiety turned into excitement. With Ben on my block, I knew I’d always have someone who would help me out."
If you're in my neighborhood, come by, especially, but not exclusively, if you need something.
I have a friend who has a trans daughter in her early thirties. Every time I read an article like this, I am so glad I live in very blue Massachusetts. However, nothing is certain. What the hell is up with these bigots and racists? I’m old, and so glad I have no grandchildren growing up in this bizarre world of ours.
As a single, child-free by choice woman, I crave the kind of community you’ve described. I guess the solution to that is to create it!
As mentioned in other comments, I live in a blue state (Maryland) that has a tremendous number of red areas, and I happen to live in one. It’s not for the faint of heart and I’m a 50 year old white woman. Nobody is out to get me (or gives a shit, for that matter), so I’ve told several different BIPOC neighbors that if something happens, get themselves to my house because I have more latitude to hold my ground than they will. I pray they never need that but who the hell knows anymore?
Beautiful piece. That's a community I would want to be a part of so strength to you and gaybourhoods everywhere. Together we're stronger. And we will win.
As an 80 year old I remember when Iowa was blue/purple and we were proud. Since Trump it's changed. The Republicans running Iowa government are not supported by all Iowans. I am one of many who is Liberal . We cringe at generalization of Iowa as a red state. Hope it changes.
As an old, white, undereducated, overweight CIS male, my advice to you is that if you replace your mower, get an electric one. As for me, my doctor, dentist, veterinarian, pastor, financial advisor; hell, even my daughter-in-law is a lesbian. I'm sorry there are so many assholes out there. I'm pretty disillusioned by all the stupid people. I hadn't seen "truck nutz" for about a year. This week, I've already seen two. Today, I passed a farmstead with a big sign: "Not Woke and proud of it." The guy obviously has no idea what "woke" means. He just wants to tell everyone that a conformist lives here.
Even in blue states we have red state behavior - at least on a small scale. So our current mayor established a LBGTQ group to support his campaign. 2 of them were active on town affairs, one is running to town council and one is on the Bd of Ed.
But as soon as he got in office, he has an ordinance created (and passed) that said that the only flags that can fly over town hall are the US flag and the POW flag. He offered to have the pride flag fly in a park that no one would see... (he is a jerk by the way). The LBGTQ committee all resigned.
He does not have enough power to do more, but assholes abound.
I read about that. Disgusting.
Beautifully said. One of the best things about being queer is gaining an instant family. Fire Island Pines, where I spend time each summer, is a gayborhood of epic proportions. I am on my way to a sapphic book conference (GCLS). We naturally seek out these safe spaces, large and small, and we find them. Good on you. Thank you, Lyz.
I must not have read this when it was originally published, but my heart just melted so many times. I love this essay. I love that you have your gayborhood and that you have community. I'm a queer trans woman who lives in Providence RI and so much of what your wrote resonates, nothing more so than this:
Once you decide to choose being yourself over the traditional expectations of family, a whole new way of living opens itself up to you — one that’s free of gender roles and expectations and full of beautiful possibilities.
💜
That Molly moved from Minnesota to Iowa to find a more LGBTQ-friendly state not much more than 10 years ago shows how quickly things can change. I moved TO Minnesota just a couple of years ago, partially because it is now so LGBTQ-friendly. Even that, however, is an oversimplification. Minnesota, like almost every other "blue" state, has mostly red counties (based on the 2024 election), but the counties containing the larger cities are blue. Minnesota has democratic leadership, but the House is equally split, and the democratic majority in the Senate is small (I believe it's just a single seat). The next election could change everything. There are certainly states I would avoid like the plague - Texas and Florida top the list - but no place is truly safe for trans folks like me, or queer folks in general, in the current political climate.
Beautiful. Some purple states are just more...chill...than others. Virginia is one of them. Our brief soccer mom flirtation with racist demagogues in the GOP (parents' rights!) got us Youngkin, a political and intellectual snowflake in a sweater vest. A few of our GOP representatives are pretty out there, but most of the rest of Virginia doesn't have time or the raw hatred for most of the MAGA nonsense. It's probably the influence of Northern Virginia government-related workers, especially in the defense and technology industries. A high percentage of VA voters are educated and the state is now pretty diverse. We should get a great woman for a new governor this fall in Abigail Spanberger.
Hello to a fellow Virginian, from the northern suburbs. Your description of the group that got Youngkin elected is spot on. I have not pinned any hopes on Spanberger, though, she tends to the center when she should lean left, particularly on support for unions https://www.virginiascope.com/spanberger-splits-the-middle-on-right-to-work-opposes-full-repeal/
Thank you Bethany. Spanberger isn't perfect but she's our candidate and she's a thousand miles better than ANY Republican in this state. She may surprise you once she's in office.
Beautiful essay, thanks Molly (and Lyz). Made me nostalgic for the beautiful Midwest.
i'm so glad that you are here, molly. you and your beautiful neighbourhood give added life and joy to our community. we need you all!!!
What a great, great article. Thank you, Molly, for writing about the great community you've built.
I live in the "Texas of Canada" (Alberta) but my city is the one beacon of progressiveness in a sea of hillbillies and I'm so thankful for that every day. Even though our own Christian right is literally watching the American government and taking notes, I'm at least physically surrounded by people who believe in trans rights and equality and saving the environment and just everything with love at its core. I hope everyone finds their place and makes it better just by existing.
I'm a straight guy living by myself in a condo neighborhood (full of older people) on the East Side of Iowa City and I read this:
"I was nervous about buying a house and living alone as a queer woman in a red state, but when I saw that there was a house three doors down from Ben and his partner, my anxiety turned into excitement. With Ben on my block, I knew I’d always have someone who would help me out."
If you're in my neighborhood, come by, especially, but not exclusively, if you need something.
I have a friend who has a trans daughter in her early thirties. Every time I read an article like this, I am so glad I live in very blue Massachusetts. However, nothing is certain. What the hell is up with these bigots and racists? I’m old, and so glad I have no grandchildren growing up in this bizarre world of ours.
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing about your beautiful “gayborhood.” I wish all neighborhoods were so loving.
As a single, child-free by choice woman, I crave the kind of community you’ve described. I guess the solution to that is to create it!
As mentioned in other comments, I live in a blue state (Maryland) that has a tremendous number of red areas, and I happen to live in one. It’s not for the faint of heart and I’m a 50 year old white woman. Nobody is out to get me (or gives a shit, for that matter), so I’ve told several different BIPOC neighbors that if something happens, get themselves to my house because I have more latitude to hold my ground than they will. I pray they never need that but who the hell knows anymore?
Beautiful piece. That's a community I would want to be a part of so strength to you and gaybourhoods everywhere. Together we're stronger. And we will win.
As an 80 year old I remember when Iowa was blue/purple and we were proud. Since Trump it's changed. The Republicans running Iowa government are not supported by all Iowans. I am one of many who is Liberal . We cringe at generalization of Iowa as a red state. Hope it changes.
As an old, white, undereducated, overweight CIS male, my advice to you is that if you replace your mower, get an electric one. As for me, my doctor, dentist, veterinarian, pastor, financial advisor; hell, even my daughter-in-law is a lesbian. I'm sorry there are so many assholes out there. I'm pretty disillusioned by all the stupid people. I hadn't seen "truck nutz" for about a year. This week, I've already seen two. Today, I passed a farmstead with a big sign: "Not Woke and proud of it." The guy obviously has no idea what "woke" means. He just wants to tell everyone that a conformist lives here.
Peace & love.