36 Comments
author
Mar 22Pinned

My apologies! Sometimes when I don't write the newsletter until the day of (my daughter's birthday was yesterday!) I don't give my editor time to fix things. I know it's "Kay Ivey" and also here is the link to the dingus madness voting! https://www.polltab.com/bracket-poll/Temnl_LXy6TIQ

Expand full comment

"Jared Corey Kushner, the moist fail-son of a criminal and son-in-law of a criminal, walks through life as if he’s achieved something other than avoiding the regular swirlies his face is just begging for." Best opening statement for Dingus of the Week yet! LOL!!!!!

Expand full comment
Mar 22Liked by lyz

Jared looks like he's going to grow up to be Mr. Burns, tapping his fingertips together and yelling at his bodyman.

Expand full comment

I am having to do some mindfulness after reading that Jared actually committed to paper that he brokered a historic Middle East peace deal. I'm hyperventilating a little. I heard the bit about waterfront property on PSW this week, and the epic nerve of this guy.

Honestly, after everything that Diana went through, Kate can just do whatever as far as I am concerned. This obsession with royalty and treating them like celebrities and vice versa is so dumb. Just dumb.

Expand full comment

Almost done with my Girls 5 Eva season 2 rewatch and excited to get to season 3. It really is one of the funniest things I've watched in quite a while.

Expand full comment
Mar 22Liked by lyz

"Has he considered giving up Starbucks and avocado toast?" 🤣

Expand full comment
Mar 22Liked by lyz

"He looks like if you ran him under a faucet and rubbed him into a carpet he’d leave little white papery flakes everywhere." I almost peed my pants (Ok, I was already laughing, but this really almost pushed me over the edge!)! :D Thank you, as always, for all you do!!!

Expand full comment

It was an honor to vote for Greg Abbott. He’s really worse than Trump because his grift is well hidden and he is a mean SOB. I watched a YT video back when Jared had been put in charge of finding protective gear during the pandemic. College age volunteers were put in a room with phones and laptops and told good luck. Everybody knew that guy in high school, right? The born on third base I hit a homer guy? Jared was born halfway between third and home and had someone to bat for him. What a dingus.

Expand full comment

I feel like "Breaking History" is saying the quiet part out loud.

Expand full comment
Mar 22Liked by lyz

Girls5Eva is so underrated! I’m glad you’re liking it.

Expand full comment

I would love to hear one of your Lutheran jokes.

Until then, here's a non-church joke I heard in church:

What's the difference between a cat and a frog?

A cat has nine lives, but a frog crocks every night.

Expand full comment

"walking tub of spoiled sour cream" Made me guffaw! Loudly. In a coffee shop. Got stares, didn't care.

You went to the best places, Emerald, Magers & Quinn, Cafe Latte. I love the metro. (I live in Northfield, liberal college town about 40 miles south of StP.)

Expand full comment

Lyz, you have outdone yourself. You have set a new, high bar of exquisite sarcasm. I am mightily impressed!

Expand full comment

Thank you for nudging me to buy Garrett's book!

Expand full comment

“Damp” and “moist” Jared Kushner seems perfectly suited for tuckerization in a Lovecraftian story.

Expand full comment