I also saw a clip of a Heritage Foundation rep this week saying that one of their stated goals is to eliminate recreational sex, which to them means any sex not for procreation. This makes me wonder if it's time for a bunch of fat and skinny women (trans women are women, duh) to show up on the steps of the U.S. Capitol and get publicly busy with each other. We are way past the point of burning bras.
"Mixed-weight" and there's no babies coming from any of it?!? That's a bunch of sexy devil worship right there. Sign. Me. Up.
I heard about that. It's hard to imagine a position less popular than 'eliminating recreational sex', and yet they felt confident enough to come out and say it. That's where we're at with Christian Nationalism these days. You'd think if you give them enough rope..... but idk anymore.
No porn, no recreational sex, only cishet folks allowed... Nobody is making the Heritage supporters have fun against their will and yet they want to ruin life for the rest of us. I will never understand these people.
Don't worry, they are still having their fun. Its like the Saudi Arabian royal family where the women have to head/face cover and the men walk around in robes but when they get on their private jet and exit Saudi airspace heading for a week in London, they all take off their Muslim garb and change into jeans and tee shirts. Those Heritage folks with money invite a few friends over, lock the doors and have their weekend orgy in the pool but no one ever hears about it. Double standards abound in this world. It sucks!
as a former catholic, i always wondered what happened to husbands once their wives were through menopause. no more sex 'cause no more babies? if that had actually happened i think we might have heard about it.
Being the person on the research team responsible for finding evidence that fat stigma varies by gender must be like being the person responsible for determining if any corn grows in Iowa. "My evidence is...I opened my eyes."
"Women’s sizes are basically Schrödinger’s cat: We are all sizes until we put on a pair of pants. We don’t pick the size; the size picks us." FACTS! And funny as hell.
I am in a ‘mixed-weight’ relationship, and it was much starker when we started dating in college. My husband looked like John Belushi and I looked like Blair Brown, enough that I was mistaken for her in DFW Airport once. Brown was named by “Esquire” magazine ‘the Thinking Man’s Bombshell.’ We were the classic sitcom ‘hot wife/ ordinary husband’ pair. It was ordinary. I loved being that hot, mostly because it meant I got exceptionally good service in restaurants or oil change places. Steve once said people assumed he was a CEO simply because of me and his habit of wearing nice khakis.
Lyz, you should consider writing about the taboo against women saying we’re beautiful. It’s less powerful now — thank you Nicola Coughlin! — but when I was growing up in the 70’s and 80’s, the only acceptable response to admiration for our looks was ‘oh, thank you, but really, it’s nothing.’ Any suggestion by any woman that she really deserved the attention was in the worst possible taste. We weren’t supposed to notice everyone’s reaction to us. We really weren’t supposed to notice the negative reactions we got, and there were lots of those, too. Not nearly as many, but they did happen. (My personal favorite was a woman who, when I asked her if she wanted to go to lunch with me between classes replied with ‘I have better things to do than be your ugly friend.’)
Looks aren’t everything, and they certainly aren’t as important as society treats them, but it is always nicer to be considered attractive than not. We have to expand the idea of ‘attractive’ beyond the rigid lines of patriarchal capitalism, but we also have to allow ourselves to say publicly when we meet those standards. Yes, I was a beauty, but it wasn’t nearly my important trait. Acknowledging that I was beautiful and that it wasn’t the pinnacle of human existence denies the gatekeepers of looks their most powerful weapon. We can destroy the walls from both sides of them.
This is a very good point and funnily enough I talked about it with the author and artist Aubrey Hirsch on my podcast last year. She talks so succinctly about the exact same thing you are naming here. Women are supposed to be hot but not know it. And when you do know it, it's a problem. Here is the link! https://lyz.substack.com/p/claim-your-name-and-hotness-with I do think there are some problems with the idea of hotness in that it's often based in racist and anti-fat notions of what is desirable in women
The whole body wrangle is exhausting. I grew up with two stepsisters who were (and are) tall and thin, while I was (and am) short and round. I never measured up. My husband has loved me and my body through some serious weight gain, illness, major surgeries, and weight loss. But this body ish is so ingrained that I don't always feel good. I'm much more accepting now, though I have been using weight loss drugs in order to lose weight. I feel like I have to justify this (not to you, but in general). I mean, my insurance doesn't cover them, and the reason they gave when I appealed was that fat people are not good at following through on medical treatments. Welp. I guess you should give up on anyone with an incredibly difficult issue, because most of us do give up at one point or another. I just want to feel good, and I haven't in years. Chronic pain sucks. I saw the Nicola Coughlan comment about perfect breasts, and it made me so happy. I want people to take joy in their bodies no matter what, and if they don't, to feel free to pursue a joyous body.
I hear you. I truly hate that women spend a MINUTE hating the bodies we live in. In my 30s and early 40s I ate every other day to stay in a size 8. That’s kinda sick. That’s NOT me anymore (but hey, I’m 67 now).
Chronic pain sucks so bad, and it will wear on your self perception. I hope you find a pain management specialist to help you find answers and solutions. You deserve to feel well.
Last point: Aidy Bryant is the creator and actor in the tv series ‘Shrill’. It’s worth watching for sure. In one episode she’s talking to some exotic dancers and one of them says (about sex with men): “You’re the one with the fat ass and the big titties. YOU get to decide!” That line made me SO happy!
I want to pivot on the "not another women with guitar" comment, like, brother, HAVE YOU SEEN how many mid-tier dudes with guitar there are around here?
tangentially CAN ANYONE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY PAUL SIMON IS
Those dudes really need to watch the Barbie movie.
However, to answer your tangential question: Paul Simon may be old now, but his body of work is incredible. Simon & Garfunkel, his solo work, the Graceland album, Still Crazy After All These Years, There Goes Rhymin' Simon, hosting SNL Being awesome enough to get Carrie Fisher to marry him. The list goes on and on. :)
"Want to know what size a woman wears? You are better off contemplating the mysteries of the ocean’s depths. Honestly, men have dedicated more time to going down to the ocean floor than going down on women." Too true! Excellent dingus this week, Lyz! I do hope Nicola Coughlin, representative of the perfect-breasted community, bared herself rather than bearing herself, which sounds awkward but maybe is correct and I am just confused? What a great comeback to that insulting reporter.
i know. that made me laugh out loud. i loved nicola coughlin on 'derry girls.' although i admit to using closed captioning to understand what they were saying. that derry accent defeated me on multiple occasions.
I love this (correct) take, Lyz. And you managed to quote not one, but TWO exceptional fat women thinkers/writers in this piece!! Plus a bonus pic of Nicola being beautiful. Way to use the Dingusry of the world as a means for enriching a Friday for the rest of us. <3
I also saw a clip of a Heritage Foundation rep this week saying that one of their stated goals is to eliminate recreational sex, which to them means any sex not for procreation. This makes me wonder if it's time for a bunch of fat and skinny women (trans women are women, duh) to show up on the steps of the U.S. Capitol and get publicly busy with each other. We are way past the point of burning bras.
"Mixed-weight" and there's no babies coming from any of it?!? That's a bunch of sexy devil worship right there. Sign. Me. Up.
Easy to ban recreational sex when you aren’t getting any amirite?
i'm assuming that does have something to do with it.
I heard about that. It's hard to imagine a position less popular than 'eliminating recreational sex', and yet they felt confident enough to come out and say it. That's where we're at with Christian Nationalism these days. You'd think if you give them enough rope..... but idk anymore.
No porn, no recreational sex, only cishet folks allowed... Nobody is making the Heritage supporters have fun against their will and yet they want to ruin life for the rest of us. I will never understand these people.
You gotta know they are a bunch of hypocrites
Misery loves company?
Don't worry, they are still having their fun. Its like the Saudi Arabian royal family where the women have to head/face cover and the men walk around in robes but when they get on their private jet and exit Saudi airspace heading for a week in London, they all take off their Muslim garb and change into jeans and tee shirts. Those Heritage folks with money invite a few friends over, lock the doors and have their weekend orgy in the pool but no one ever hears about it. Double standards abound in this world. It sucks!
as a former catholic, i always wondered what happened to husbands once their wives were through menopause. no more sex 'cause no more babies? if that had actually happened i think we might have heard about it.
As if any of the dudes who head up the HF are fuckable.
This is such a DOCTRINAL Catholic church thing to say. Hell, the majority of Catholics use birth control.
Being the person on the research team responsible for finding evidence that fat stigma varies by gender must be like being the person responsible for determining if any corn grows in Iowa. "My evidence is...I opened my eyes."
Ahahahahaha right?
"Women’s sizes are basically Schrödinger’s cat: We are all sizes until we put on a pair of pants. We don’t pick the size; the size picks us." FACTS! And funny as hell.
Please, please, please do NOT stop doing dingus revealing. I am sure I’m not alone in saying that I look forward to reading about a dingus every week.
So many Dingii, so few Fridays. Rock on Lyz!
I am in a ‘mixed-weight’ relationship, and it was much starker when we started dating in college. My husband looked like John Belushi and I looked like Blair Brown, enough that I was mistaken for her in DFW Airport once. Brown was named by “Esquire” magazine ‘the Thinking Man’s Bombshell.’ We were the classic sitcom ‘hot wife/ ordinary husband’ pair. It was ordinary. I loved being that hot, mostly because it meant I got exceptionally good service in restaurants or oil change places. Steve once said people assumed he was a CEO simply because of me and his habit of wearing nice khakis.
Lyz, you should consider writing about the taboo against women saying we’re beautiful. It’s less powerful now — thank you Nicola Coughlin! — but when I was growing up in the 70’s and 80’s, the only acceptable response to admiration for our looks was ‘oh, thank you, but really, it’s nothing.’ Any suggestion by any woman that she really deserved the attention was in the worst possible taste. We weren’t supposed to notice everyone’s reaction to us. We really weren’t supposed to notice the negative reactions we got, and there were lots of those, too. Not nearly as many, but they did happen. (My personal favorite was a woman who, when I asked her if she wanted to go to lunch with me between classes replied with ‘I have better things to do than be your ugly friend.’)
Looks aren’t everything, and they certainly aren’t as important as society treats them, but it is always nicer to be considered attractive than not. We have to expand the idea of ‘attractive’ beyond the rigid lines of patriarchal capitalism, but we also have to allow ourselves to say publicly when we meet those standards. Yes, I was a beauty, but it wasn’t nearly my important trait. Acknowledging that I was beautiful and that it wasn’t the pinnacle of human existence denies the gatekeepers of looks their most powerful weapon. We can destroy the walls from both sides of them.
This is a very good point and funnily enough I talked about it with the author and artist Aubrey Hirsch on my podcast last year. She talks so succinctly about the exact same thing you are naming here. Women are supposed to be hot but not know it. And when you do know it, it's a problem. Here is the link! https://lyz.substack.com/p/claim-your-name-and-hotness-with I do think there are some problems with the idea of hotness in that it's often based in racist and anti-fat notions of what is desirable in women
Thank you! Added to my podcast list! (And yes, beauty standards are pretty much always arbitrary and based in some kind of bigotry.)
Also, I cannot tell you how chuffed it makes me to be praised by Lyz herself. This reply will keep me buzzed for DAYS.
The whole body wrangle is exhausting. I grew up with two stepsisters who were (and are) tall and thin, while I was (and am) short and round. I never measured up. My husband has loved me and my body through some serious weight gain, illness, major surgeries, and weight loss. But this body ish is so ingrained that I don't always feel good. I'm much more accepting now, though I have been using weight loss drugs in order to lose weight. I feel like I have to justify this (not to you, but in general). I mean, my insurance doesn't cover them, and the reason they gave when I appealed was that fat people are not good at following through on medical treatments. Welp. I guess you should give up on anyone with an incredibly difficult issue, because most of us do give up at one point or another. I just want to feel good, and I haven't in years. Chronic pain sucks. I saw the Nicola Coughlan comment about perfect breasts, and it made me so happy. I want people to take joy in their bodies no matter what, and if they don't, to feel free to pursue a joyous body.
I hear you. I truly hate that women spend a MINUTE hating the bodies we live in. In my 30s and early 40s I ate every other day to stay in a size 8. That’s kinda sick. That’s NOT me anymore (but hey, I’m 67 now).
Chronic pain sucks so bad, and it will wear on your self perception. I hope you find a pain management specialist to help you find answers and solutions. You deserve to feel well.
Last point: Aidy Bryant is the creator and actor in the tv series ‘Shrill’. It’s worth watching for sure. In one episode she’s talking to some exotic dancers and one of them says (about sex with men): “You’re the one with the fat ass and the big titties. YOU get to decide!” That line made me SO happy!
Thanks for the Jensen intro. She slaps, as the kids say.
The kids say that?! I’m always behind.
I want to pivot on the "not another women with guitar" comment, like, brother, HAVE YOU SEEN how many mid-tier dudes with guitar there are around here?
tangentially CAN ANYONE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY PAUL SIMON IS
Adding to the audacity....He was a man who played the guitar.
Those dudes really need to watch the Barbie movie.
However, to answer your tangential question: Paul Simon may be old now, but his body of work is incredible. Simon & Garfunkel, his solo work, the Graceland album, Still Crazy After All These Years, There Goes Rhymin' Simon, hosting SNL Being awesome enough to get Carrie Fisher to marry him. The list goes on and on. :)
"Want to know what size a woman wears? You are better off contemplating the mysteries of the ocean’s depths. Honestly, men have dedicated more time to going down to the ocean floor than going down on women." Too true! Excellent dingus this week, Lyz! I do hope Nicola Coughlin, representative of the perfect-breasted community, bared herself rather than bearing herself, which sounds awkward but maybe is correct and I am just confused? What a great comeback to that insulting reporter.
i know. that made me laugh out loud. i loved nicola coughlin on 'derry girls.' although i admit to using closed captioning to understand what they were saying. that derry accent defeated me on multiple occasions.
Skit skat skootledoot flip flop flee. Let’s follow Lyz up the coconut tree!
Mamas and dadas and uncles and aunts grab their little dears and dust their pants
Real recognize real, as the kids say.
May I suggest Nicole Byer's amazing tongue-in-cheek book "Very Fat, Very Brave"! She is hilarious across all mediums.
https://bookshop.org/p/books/veryfat-verybrave-the-fat-girl-s-guide-to-being-brave-and-not-a-dejected-melancholy-down-in-the-dumps-weeping-fat-girl-in-a-bikini-nicole-byer/14261082?ean=9781524850746&ref=https%3A%2F%2Flinktr.ee%2F&source=IndieBound&title=
“Might as well ask about the Heisenberg uncertainty principle and the nature of infinity.”
Women’s clothing sizing IS the Heisenberg uncertainty principle.
I love this (correct) take, Lyz. And you managed to quote not one, but TWO exceptional fat women thinkers/writers in this piece!! Plus a bonus pic of Nicola being beautiful. Way to use the Dingusry of the world as a means for enriching a Friday for the rest of us. <3
I'm a simple Masshole; I see a song titled after my favorite state, and I click it.
It's so good!
It really is.
I saw Jensen McRae open for MUNA at first Ave a few years ago and was struck by her sincerity. Massachusetts is so good.