Wonderful article! I hope men begin to see how women’s repression, in modern times, means that more them are not going to have the type of romantic and sexual relationships with women that they were told they’d have (if any at all). Nowadays, more women are being vocal about how liberating singlehood is with or without children, despite criticism from society. The outdated models of partnership aren’t going to work anymore, especially with a decline in basic social skills due to technology. We deserve better.
I often think about how the world is run by those (not just men) for whom sex is defined by the contours of patriarchy--dominance, possession, submission, control, violence--and how those desires come to shape or overshadow my own.
As a woman in midlife writing about my own sexual awakening after my husband died in 2021, the backlash I am experiencing is coming from other women. Yes, it's the same old patriarchy, but this time served up by both liberal and conservative women who are uncomfortable reading about sex. I understand that my writing isn't everyone's cup of tea, but I haven't been shamed and belittled by men (yet).
I'm not happy about are millennials and gen z blaming feminism and women's sexual liberation for hook up culture and the devaluing of women in general. Instead of asking "why are men treating women so badly" they are asking "why have I let men treat me so badly." It's the victim blaming herself rather than a culture which rewards men for acting selfishly. I'm also grossed out by Louise Perry and her position that all pornography degrades women and so it shouldn't exist. She won't let her husband watch porn, which is another level of disfunction. If this is the "new feminism" I'm not interested.
Second wave feminism lacked intersectionality, and was far from perfect, but women made some important gains that are now unraveling at frightening speed. I am beginning to lose heart when I see the author of one of the most influential feminist books of my time, The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf, lose her mind, including on Substack, writing about conspiracy theories, weird bible quotes and anti vaxxer nonsense. I was prepared to get male haters, but I'm surprised and saddened by the backlash from other women.
Yeah, I really despise the notion that sex positive feminism is the primary issue. It is patriarchy/the patriarchal backlash that has always been the problem here.
I loved it. And I thought of Lyz while I was watching it. I don’t think I’ve seen a film better depict those all-encompassing first years of motherhood in a heterosexual marriage with little to no support from the husband. I felt seen.
I am 64 and almost halfway through All Fours and I am finding it a hard read. I want to shake this woman and wake her up. It is beyond the desire issue. It is well written and the fact that it
is making me uncomfortable is proof of the powerful narrative. With it in first person, it can be unrelenting with the close POV. I am not certain if I will finish it. Right now it feels like a train wreck in slow motion.
I am also 64 and had many moments of thinking "Oh, you sweet summer child, just you wait" whilst reading All Fours. It didn't make me uncomfortable, but it did make me think a lot about intimacy and how much changes for a woman between 40 and 60.
I had some difficulty reading Miranda July's All Fours. At first the book struck me as untethered and indulgent, as if deep erotic connection can only be experienced detached from 'real' daily life. Valid and nuanced questions that deserve my ongoing attention.
This conversation between Esther Perel and Miranda July further complicated the issues in a way that I found really helpful:
Wonderful article! I hope men begin to see how women’s repression, in modern times, means that more them are not going to have the type of romantic and sexual relationships with women that they were told they’d have (if any at all). Nowadays, more women are being vocal about how liberating singlehood is with or without children, despite criticism from society. The outdated models of partnership aren’t going to work anymore, especially with a decline in basic social skills due to technology. We deserve better.
I often think about how the world is run by those (not just men) for whom sex is defined by the contours of patriarchy--dominance, possession, submission, control, violence--and how those desires come to shape or overshadow my own.
As a woman in midlife writing about my own sexual awakening after my husband died in 2021, the backlash I am experiencing is coming from other women. Yes, it's the same old patriarchy, but this time served up by both liberal and conservative women who are uncomfortable reading about sex. I understand that my writing isn't everyone's cup of tea, but I haven't been shamed and belittled by men (yet).
I'm not happy about are millennials and gen z blaming feminism and women's sexual liberation for hook up culture and the devaluing of women in general. Instead of asking "why are men treating women so badly" they are asking "why have I let men treat me so badly." It's the victim blaming herself rather than a culture which rewards men for acting selfishly. I'm also grossed out by Louise Perry and her position that all pornography degrades women and so it shouldn't exist. She won't let her husband watch porn, which is another level of disfunction. If this is the "new feminism" I'm not interested.
Second wave feminism lacked intersectionality, and was far from perfect, but women made some important gains that are now unraveling at frightening speed. I am beginning to lose heart when I see the author of one of the most influential feminist books of my time, The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf, lose her mind, including on Substack, writing about conspiracy theories, weird bible quotes and anti vaxxer nonsense. I was prepared to get male haters, but I'm surprised and saddened by the backlash from other women.
Yeah, I really despise the notion that sex positive feminism is the primary issue. It is patriarchy/the patriarchal backlash that has always been the problem here.
Agree 💯
Watch Nightbitch on Hulu - a fevered dream of a woman trying to be the image of motherhood in the patriarchy.
I loved it. And I thought of Lyz while I was watching it. I don’t think I’ve seen a film better depict those all-encompassing first years of motherhood in a heterosexual marriage with little to no support from the husband. I felt seen.
Oh girl. About to pub an essay about Babygirl and ALL OF THISSSSS. I love you. (And thank you for including me here!)
“An oroborus of frustration, desire, consumption and perfectionism” - brilliant writing.
I am 64 and almost halfway through All Fours and I am finding it a hard read. I want to shake this woman and wake her up. It is beyond the desire issue. It is well written and the fact that it
is making me uncomfortable is proof of the powerful narrative. With it in first person, it can be unrelenting with the close POV. I am not certain if I will finish it. Right now it feels like a train wreck in slow motion.
I am also 64 and had many moments of thinking "Oh, you sweet summer child, just you wait" whilst reading All Fours. It didn't make me uncomfortable, but it did make me think a lot about intimacy and how much changes for a woman between 40 and 60.
I had some difficulty reading Miranda July's All Fours. At first the book struck me as untethered and indulgent, as if deep erotic connection can only be experienced detached from 'real' daily life. Valid and nuanced questions that deserve my ongoing attention.
This conversation between Esther Perel and Miranda July further complicated the issues in a way that I found really helpful:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/where-should-we-begin-with-esther-perel/id1237931798?i=1000670196617