John Ashcroft is also the puritanical dingus who had the Spirit of Justice statue in the Justice Department covered up because it had one bare boob. No, really -- check his google search history from 2001 and I would bet you there's a whole list of "burqas for 13-foot-tall women."
Two stories: My very first case ever as a lawyer was in 1988. In Texas, certain criminal convictions prevent a person from getting professional licenses immediately even if they meet the rest of the qualifications. (This process mostly means that the agency reviews the application more strictly and requires more documentation before granting the license. VERY few licenses get denied for this and all the ones I had anything to do with very much should have been denied.) Anyway, this kid who was the same age I was at the time had been prosecuted by John Ashcroft when Ashcroft was DA. Ashcroft had been criticized for only going after Black people, so he set up surveillance of an end of tax season party by a local accounting firm. This kid lent his car to a colleague who happened to be a cocaine dealer. Colleague used the car to do a couple deals that Kid didn’t know about, but Kid and his secretary decided to do a couple lines and make out in the car. The police arrested both of them and seized the vehicle.
Ashcroft’s cops couldn’t get enough drugs out of the vehicle even after vacuuming it and subjecting all the schmutz to a spectrometer to meet the standard for a charge of possession of cocaine. Colleague refused to say Kid knew about or participated in any of the drug dealing. So, Ashcroft charged Kid with ‘conspiracy to possess cocaine.’ That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, Ashcroft tortured Missouri law to make it a felony to want to do drugs so that he could prosecute someone who wasn’t a Black teen with a couple rocks of crack.
Kid ended up pleading guilty and doing his probation perfectly, and then working for two years. He moved to Texas, applied for a license to sell annuities, and had a hearing with me where I recommended approval. I tell this story to show just what a complete vicious dingus John Ashcroft was. He was willing to bend Missouri law into pretzels to ruin the life of a twentysomething who went to a wild party in 1983. He did this, instead of maybe NOT locking up hundreds of Black teens with a crack pipe or a blunt in their pockets, because Ashcroft really loved ruining lives.
Second story, much shorter: Jon Bon Jovi’s son is a winemaker who produces a really decent and inexpensive rosé that I recommend. Consider buying some for the next debate!
Most important: I give money to Iowa Abortion Access, and y'all should too. (Also your local women's clinic, in my case Emma Goldman. The local probably needs volunteers as well.)
Re: Frank Luntz. It's my belief that men like your dinguses are already unhappy and women's expressions remind them they're not and why. The patriarchy grants privilege, not joy. YMMV, of course.
yeah and the urge to proselytize about the book / Spread The Good Word about a favorite book to my friends etc just so I can try to live vicariously through them lol. luckily my partner is an avid reader so I get to do this a lot and watch him reacting in real time haha. (The Husbands, and Annie Bot, were two recent faves for this).
Here in Mo. we just pencil in the entire state GOP and right wing media for permanent dingus status. They've turned this state into a disaster zone (see Sarah Kendzior and Jess Piper), for which they'd never accept any federal money, because woke. And props to the abortion measure activists -- they collected *200K more* signatures than needed. I just wish Arkansas' democracy meddlers weren't successful, or they'd be voting on reproductive rights with us in November. Now if I can just find enough potatoes to cope between now and the election...
"I hope wherever he is, he’s in a hell of his own making, being forced to drink matcha tea made by a transgender barista while a spin instructor who has had four abortions plays Lady Gaga and tells him to “get that heart rate up, queen.”
If you want to see more awesome women who wield devastating expressions:
Laura Tingle, legendary Australian journalist, whose single raised eyebrow has appeared on t-shirts and coffee mugs. No politician can survive La Tingle's eyebrow!
Grace Tame*, who was forced to stand next to then-prime minister of Australia Scott Morrison, who had to be told by his wife that rape was awful. Her side eye launched a thousand memes.
*Grace campaigned to change the law in Tasmania that prevented the name of a rape victim from being published. As a rape victim herself, this meant that she could be arrested for saying publicly that she was raped as a child by a man who was then convicted of her rape.
As a Missouri resident Ashcroft is disappointing on so many levels (but much of the MO gov is🙄). Very excited for abortion to be on the ballot- let's watch how the ignore the will of the people when we overwhelmingly vote for it....
Taffy Brodesser-Akner is an absolute delight. I had the great pleasure of interviewing her on stage this summer. It was her last stop at the end of a long book tour and I think she was a little loopy. I don't want to decide if it was more fun than the book itself, but it was SO much fun.
Do you think all those weird Trump references to Hannibal Lector at rallies were just his way of courting RFK Jr's endorsement? If so, that is amazing because it worked!
I love the hell you envision for Rush Limbaugh. I also loved the bloodsport Kamala Harris made of Trump this week. Once again, she was held to a far higher standard, and the fact that this race is still going to be tight is baffling. I posted on socials that if she is a Marxist, that makes me a Stalinist, and people no longer get that reference. Might be telling in terms of a certain swath of the country ready to embrace a would-be dictator. I am sad I missed the MYAM chat but I was on the road, and just couldn't do it. Nov. 2 I'll be in there. I thiink you are going to have some dingii out of NY what with Mayor Adams and his cronies getting scrutinized. They could have had Maya Wiley!
John Ashcroft is also the puritanical dingus who had the Spirit of Justice statue in the Justice Department covered up because it had one bare boob. No, really -- check his google search history from 2001 and I would bet you there's a whole list of "burqas for 13-foot-tall women."
Ashcroft also lost a Senate race to a dead guy
I just told my husband that, it's the first thing I remember about Ashcroft.
Came here to say this. My FIL defended it tho I can't remember how.
Probably something to do with Jesus?
I remember this. What a putz.
It makes me sad that I share a birthday with that dead asshole Limbaugh. But it pleases me that he's dead and I'm not.
Two stories: My very first case ever as a lawyer was in 1988. In Texas, certain criminal convictions prevent a person from getting professional licenses immediately even if they meet the rest of the qualifications. (This process mostly means that the agency reviews the application more strictly and requires more documentation before granting the license. VERY few licenses get denied for this and all the ones I had anything to do with very much should have been denied.) Anyway, this kid who was the same age I was at the time had been prosecuted by John Ashcroft when Ashcroft was DA. Ashcroft had been criticized for only going after Black people, so he set up surveillance of an end of tax season party by a local accounting firm. This kid lent his car to a colleague who happened to be a cocaine dealer. Colleague used the car to do a couple deals that Kid didn’t know about, but Kid and his secretary decided to do a couple lines and make out in the car. The police arrested both of them and seized the vehicle.
Ashcroft’s cops couldn’t get enough drugs out of the vehicle even after vacuuming it and subjecting all the schmutz to a spectrometer to meet the standard for a charge of possession of cocaine. Colleague refused to say Kid knew about or participated in any of the drug dealing. So, Ashcroft charged Kid with ‘conspiracy to possess cocaine.’ That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, Ashcroft tortured Missouri law to make it a felony to want to do drugs so that he could prosecute someone who wasn’t a Black teen with a couple rocks of crack.
Kid ended up pleading guilty and doing his probation perfectly, and then working for two years. He moved to Texas, applied for a license to sell annuities, and had a hearing with me where I recommended approval. I tell this story to show just what a complete vicious dingus John Ashcroft was. He was willing to bend Missouri law into pretzels to ruin the life of a twentysomething who went to a wild party in 1983. He did this, instead of maybe NOT locking up hundreds of Black teens with a crack pipe or a blunt in their pockets, because Ashcroft really loved ruining lives.
Second story, much shorter: Jon Bon Jovi’s son is a winemaker who produces a really decent and inexpensive rosé that I recommend. Consider buying some for the next debate!
Most important: I give money to Iowa Abortion Access, and y'all should too. (Also your local women's clinic, in my case Emma Goldman. The local probably needs volunteers as well.)
Re: Frank Luntz. It's my belief that men like your dinguses are already unhappy and women's expressions remind them they're not and why. The patriarchy grants privilege, not joy. YMMV, of course.
There ought to be a word for the particular kind of tiny grief that comes with finishing a Really Good Book.
yeah and the urge to proselytize about the book / Spread The Good Word about a favorite book to my friends etc just so I can try to live vicariously through them lol. luckily my partner is an avid reader so I get to do this a lot and watch him reacting in real time haha. (The Husbands, and Annie Bot, were two recent faves for this).
Here in Mo. we just pencil in the entire state GOP and right wing media for permanent dingus status. They've turned this state into a disaster zone (see Sarah Kendzior and Jess Piper), for which they'd never accept any federal money, because woke. And props to the abortion measure activists -- they collected *200K more* signatures than needed. I just wish Arkansas' democracy meddlers weren't successful, or they'd be voting on reproductive rights with us in November. Now if I can just find enough potatoes to cope between now and the election...
Limbaugh in the spin class-- what a fabulous image! Thank you!
I loved that!! I hope he’s wearing spandex that creeps up into his butt crack and pinches his legs, too.
This is a good curse
Please use it as much as you wish! I live only to serve!
That description had me in stitches!
"I hope wherever he is, he’s in a hell of his own making, being forced to drink matcha tea made by a transgender barista while a spin instructor who has had four abortions plays Lady Gaga and tells him to “get that heart rate up, queen.”
Thank you for this. 💖
This made me laugh out loud in my office. So funny but also so exactly what he deserves.
If you want to see more awesome women who wield devastating expressions:
Laura Tingle, legendary Australian journalist, whose single raised eyebrow has appeared on t-shirts and coffee mugs. No politician can survive La Tingle's eyebrow!
Grace Tame*, who was forced to stand next to then-prime minister of Australia Scott Morrison, who had to be told by his wife that rape was awful. Her side eye launched a thousand memes.
*Grace campaigned to change the law in Tasmania that prevented the name of a rape victim from being published. As a rape victim herself, this meant that she could be arrested for saying publicly that she was raped as a child by a man who was then convicted of her rape.
Yikes! I forgot to add my congratulations on your Iowa Author Award! Well earned and deserved!
Me too! I had it in mind in my compendium of replies but what a big deal! Congrats! And yes, there's no escaping kid trolling, damn them.
As a Missouri resident Ashcroft is disappointing on so many levels (but much of the MO gov is🙄). Very excited for abortion to be on the ballot- let's watch how the ignore the will of the people when we overwhelmingly vote for it....
You're always on good form, but today's Dingus writing was just delightful!
Taffy Brodesser-Akner is an absolute delight. I had the great pleasure of interviewing her on stage this summer. It was her last stop at the end of a long book tour and I think she was a little loopy. I don't want to decide if it was more fun than the book itself, but it was SO much fun.
Do you think all those weird Trump references to Hannibal Lector at rallies were just his way of courting RFK Jr's endorsement? If so, that is amazing because it worked!
I love the hell you envision for Rush Limbaugh. I also loved the bloodsport Kamala Harris made of Trump this week. Once again, she was held to a far higher standard, and the fact that this race is still going to be tight is baffling. I posted on socials that if she is a Marxist, that makes me a Stalinist, and people no longer get that reference. Might be telling in terms of a certain swath of the country ready to embrace a would-be dictator. I am sad I missed the MYAM chat but I was on the road, and just couldn't do it. Nov. 2 I'll be in there. I thiink you are going to have some dingii out of NY what with Mayor Adams and his cronies getting scrutinized. They could have had Maya Wiley!
Congratulations on your award!!! <3 And thank you, as always, for everything you do! xoxo
Seconded -- mahalo, Lyz and everyone, for all you do every day to support libraries.
Way to go on the award! And yeah, kids are your trolls IRL.
The only people allowed to troll me, god bless them.