Dingus of the week: Kristi Noem

Also, who would you rather have eat you? Man vs. Bear

In America, we might not agree on many of the hot-button issues.

For example, can a president do a little lite murder? Hard to say.

Or, should women have rights? Samuel Alito just gave a little shrug.

But one thing Americans do agree on is that dogs are good and you probably shouldn’t shoot them for no reason, even if you are the governor of South Dakota.

In her memoir, South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem shared an anecdote about shooting a puppy that she believed was untrainable. No one made her share this anecdote. No one asked her, “Hey, Kristi, shoot any little puppies recently?”

Literally no one was thinking about Kristi Noem. We have a lot on our minds. There are protests. Some wars. A presidential election is coming up. Kristi Noem could have stayed quiet and said nothing. But instead, she just barged into the news cycle like, “HEY I SHOT A PUPPY!”

Humans literally have more empathy for dogs than for other humans. Also, the states that had the highest percentage vote for Trump in 2016 also had the highest rates of dog ownership. And some research indicates that conservatives are more likely to own dogs than cats. Who told her that puppy murder was a good idea to put in a memoir? Is a cat advising Kristi Noem? 

Per the story in the book, Noem shot the dog, whose name was Cricket, after it escaped from a car, killed some chickens, and then bit Kristi Noem. But I’m sorry, the dog was a hunting dog! Killing birds was its literal job. Also: eating some chicken and biting your governor? That sounds like a fun way to spend a Tuesday, not cause for a death sentence.

That dog is so relatable for wanting to just take a pound of flesh from its executive branch. Whomst among us? Cricket, you died a hero for doing what no one else in South Dakota has the guts to do: bite Kristi Noem.

(This is like Commander Biden biting the Secret Service. That dog wasn’t a menace, he just knew that ACAB includes the feds. And who are we to judge a good leftist boi?)

Like, was Kristi Noem the only person who read Old Yeller as an aspirational tale?

Where does the Red Fern Grow? UP KRISTI NOEM’S BUTT, APPARENTLY.

Dingus of the Week: Kristi Noem

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Man v. Bear

This week, a debate exploded like Mount Vesuvius all over the internet. The question was simply this: Would a woman rather encounter a man or a bear in the woods? 

Overwhelmingly, women replied that they’d rather encounter a bear. Which cis het men responded to very normally, understanding the statistics and danger that they pose to cis het women, trans, and queer people.

JUST KIDDING!

A lot of men lost their minds with rage and fury, screaming, “WHY WOULD YOU CHOOSE A BEAR OVER ME! I AM NO THREAT AT ALL!”

Here is my take on the entire debate that no one asked for:

If I’m gonna get eaten alive, it might as well be by a bear because at least they know what they are doing.

(SORRY MOM!)

Moving on…

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Join the freelance solidarity movement! After my divorce, I was very broke and struggling to survive off freelancing. I didn’t have health insurance for a few years and it was rough. When Amy Littlefield reached out to me about the freelance solidarity movement, I was immediately on board. I can afford health insurance now, but I don’t think other people should have to struggle like I did, or rely on a spouse for support. Some of us don’t want spouses, thank you! If you are a freelancer, and I know a lot of you are, join the Freelance Solidarity Movement!

And you can read Amy’s article for The Nation about it all. 

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And now for something good

KELSEY MCKINNEY WROTE US A GOSSIP BOOK!

This season the WBNBA is focusing its social justice efforts on civic engagement and reproductive health advocacy. And it is partnering with a birth control company to expand birth control access on college campuses. 

The United Methodists reversed a ban on gay clergy.

This week, in Quixote-related news: I learned about a nonprofit called Toothbrushers and Balaam’s Donkey, because the founder of the nonprofit, Mike, is riding his donkey across Iowa to raise awareness for the need for low-cost dental hygiene. And you know what? This is the most delightfully deranged use of a Biblical text to advocate for better oral care that I have ever seen in my life. I love it. Did I also spend two hours reading the book of Numbers trying to figure out what Balaam’s donkey had to do with oral hygiene? Yes.

The student reporters covering the protests on college campuses are just absolutely incredible. If you want to donate to the Spectator, the student-run publication at Columbia University, you can do so here.

Also, this community generously donated to help Nada after she was featured in the newsletter. Because of that support, her brother Nidal was able to go to Egypt. You can still help her family by donating here.

It’s baseball season, and so far we have a bee guy rescuing bees from the field and then throwing the opening pitch.

And then, we have the Twins’ home-run sausage of power. This story just keeps on giving. Eventually, it may give giardia. BUT UNTIL THAT TIME, IT GIVES JOY!

What I am drinking

This week, I popped into a book club that was discussing my book. The book club is made up of a group of women who live in my neighborhood and I had a wonderful time.

It can be demoralizing living in America right now. And according to the Monday discussion thread, a lot of you feel like me: tired, exhausted, done with it all. In the book club, we didn’t really solve any problems. We actually might have caused some problems. But it was a moment where I got to eat some delicious chips and drink some Pinot Noir with some other people who are trying to make their lives and this town a little better. It didn’t fix everything, but it reminded me we don’t have to fix everything. We can’t fix everything. But we can eat some chips and drink some wine. And get our asses back out there.