It's been a bit surreal feeling going through my first IVF cycle simultaneous to the Alabama ruling which determined that embryos are "extrauterine children". IVF has been consuming 95% of my thoughts lately. It is so strange to turn on NPR while cooking dinner and hear the world talking about IVF.
As a public health practitioner who has spent many years working in the sexual and reproductive health space, I long ago developed a wariness about engaging with those who spout anti-choice rhetoric. It often seems quite clear that the anti-choice movement and politicians care little about health or wellbeing, and care quite a lot about exerting control over people's bodies as a means to enacting white supremacy, patriarchy, and religious fundamentalism.
My husband and I are pursuing IVF so that we can screen embryos for a genetic variant associated with severe morbidity and possible neonatal death. As a part of this journey into parenthood, we are operating under the assumption that we will indeed come to a point where we opt to destroy certain embryos, so that they do not turn into babies at risk of death.
As a person of reproductive potential, I am always sensitive to legislative activity which endangers one's right to bodily autonomy and self-determination. In this particular moment, I feel compelled to share my story.
It is never, never about the right to life. It is always, always about control and subjugation.
I wish you both the best. It seems like such a long and hard journey and the last thing you need is a newscycle making you feel worse. Sending you all my love!
Back in April, when that dingus federal judge in Texas (where I live) suspended FDA approval of the abortion pill and the Roe ruling wasn’t yet a year old and abortion was all anyone was talking about on TV—I was watching from a hospital bed, two days away from having my second child 8 weeks early due to severe preeclampsia.
If instead of 32 weeks, my fetus (and trust me, she was still a fetus) was 24 weeks? 23? They would have been debating the legal ramifications of saving my life. Because it was made very clear to me that the only thing that was going to save me was to deliver her, and delivering before 24 weeks is effectively termination. It was very, very surreal—and infuriating—to be asking my doctors and nurses in real time whether I was at risk of not being given the care I needed to live.
Of course, I chose my OB-GYN, a respected, old, white man, strategically. Really. After my first, I wanted to find a younger woman, ideally queer and/or POC, to try to improve the whole pregnancy and birth experience, which is objectively brutal. But after Roe the prior June, I deliberately didn’t, because while a younger woman’s values would almost certainly be closer to mine, I knew that my old-Texas-boys-club doctor would be far less likely to have his medical decisions questioned under the law, and since I did trust him (enough) to save me over my fetus if it came to that, I felt he was the safer choice. Well, it came way closer to that than anyone thought it would (I didn’t have any complications with my first), and I was relieved I took the so-called “paranoia” about ramifications seriously.
Anyway. All of this to say. These decisions are not one side believes X, one side believes Y. The idea that it’s just a regular old difference of opinion is a fallacy. The reality is that one side is just trying to LIVE THEIR LIVES under a set of rules that doesn’t kill them, and the other side is fighting solely for the POWER to set the rules. This absurd IVF conversation proves the rule itself doesn’t actually matter to them. The rules they pretend to fight for will necessarily change, as they fluctuate in their potential to preserve power. Just as you said, it is not about babies or values or even religion—it is ONLY the right to control everyone else that these people care about. And no one convince me otherwise.
A kind commenter made me realize I didn’t make it clear my daughter and I are both okay! Emmeline Rose was delivered safely at 32 weeks. She was 3 lbs., 3 oz., and she spent 3 and a half weeks in the NICU. Now she is a thriving, redheaded, 19 lb. 10-month-old, and her 2-and-a-half year-old sister, my wife, and I love her so. 💕
I am so sorry you had to make that decision; it would have been heart-wrenching even before the end of Roe. You are courageous to share your story with us. I hope you are healing emotionally.
Oh, I’m so sorry I didn’t make it clear—we are both fine! Just very scary and real what-ifs to contend with in real time. My daughter, Emmeline Rose, was delivered safely at 32 weeks. She was 3 lbs., 3 oz. and spent 3 and a half weeks in the NICU. She is a thriving, 19 lb. redheaded 10-month-old now, with a couple teeth and lots of personality. 🩷
The anti-abortion groups have definitely thought about all of this, whether or not the politicians they elect have done the same, and these groups don't care what anyone else thinks because they believe they answer to a 'higher power'. Throughout the entirety of this crisis Republicans have demonstrated zero ability to resist these groups, so that shows us exactly what will happen if they win this election.
It's important to note that people making use of IVF have to be relatively wealthy. Whereas people who need abortion care tend to skew poorer, for lots of reasons. If this development is getting more news coverage or backlash, that's a big part of the reason why.
PS We are definitely in the upside down world where people are forced to have babies they don't want (for whatever reason) while people who want babies are being denied. SMH.
Congratulations!!! I participated in my own small part by accidentally buying the Kindle version when I meant to buy the Audible version for my drive to Boise today. So I have 2 copies!!!! I will claim the mantle of getting your book above Elon's. lol Seriously, though - well-deserved and I can't wait to listen today.
And to think that we knew you when...Hearty Congratulations-your pot of gold for all of your hard work!!
Had a drink yesterday that made me think of you-a Chai Toddy-bourbon, chai spices, ginger, lemon, honey and cinnamon-with hot water-it was lovely and warming.
I went back on the Site Formerly Known as Twitter to see just what a cesspool it is (and, let's be honest, to troll Talibangelicals and assorted other Cult 45 creatures), and someone there actually said this about the IVF debate: "Frogs can reanimate after being frozen. Are you saying they're not actually frogs?" You know if Greg Abbott saw that he'd be writing it down for future use.
When I saw this WaPo headline my immediate thought was, "if the writer does not reference Lyz's book and tries to pretend this was an idea they came up with on their own I'm going to scream."
I know that next month's dingus is a "best of" format but living in a small conservative state, I feel compelled to share our own "you're so special" dingus, Utah Governor Spencer Cox.
I don't know if you've seen much of Cox's anti-trans hate in the last two weeks. It has not been covered in any local outlets except the SL Trib. Here's a link:
Utah Gov. Cox calls gender-affirming care ‘genital-mutilation surgery’ during ‘Disagree Better’ event
A couple years ago it felt like the jury was out on Cox. He's not the same person who was interviewed by Time magazine and who said we wasn't afraid of being called woke.
And that "Disagree Better" event was HIS initiative being showcased at the national governors association meeting in February. And to top it all off, he keeps mouthing the words "I love the LGBTQ community and I'm an ally."
I am so here for this observation: "at some point your 12 year old daughter will hug you and say, A New York Times bestseller and you still can’t remember to shower." I feel you! That happens to those of us without NYT bestsellers as well. Congratulations, Lyz! I guess that NYT reviewer really understood your audience (not).
That's so great! (your best seller list position, not the pro-IVF republicans) I pre-ordered your book last month, but I only read books written by African Americans in February, and March I only read books written by women. So, I'm finishing up "Jazz", by Toni Morrison from last month, and you'll be next, followed by "Braiding Sweetgrass" by Robin Wall Kimmerer. THAT'S the kind of company you're keeping these days.
Republicans are lowkey stuck in the stoning scene from Life of Brian r/n:
"Nobody is to prosecute anyone for performing IVF in Alabama until I blow this whistle! Even if- and I want to make this absolutely clear- even if embryos are legally considered children now!" (gets (metaphorically) stoned to death by anti-abortion groups)
It's been a bit surreal feeling going through my first IVF cycle simultaneous to the Alabama ruling which determined that embryos are "extrauterine children". IVF has been consuming 95% of my thoughts lately. It is so strange to turn on NPR while cooking dinner and hear the world talking about IVF.
As a public health practitioner who has spent many years working in the sexual and reproductive health space, I long ago developed a wariness about engaging with those who spout anti-choice rhetoric. It often seems quite clear that the anti-choice movement and politicians care little about health or wellbeing, and care quite a lot about exerting control over people's bodies as a means to enacting white supremacy, patriarchy, and religious fundamentalism.
My husband and I are pursuing IVF so that we can screen embryos for a genetic variant associated with severe morbidity and possible neonatal death. As a part of this journey into parenthood, we are operating under the assumption that we will indeed come to a point where we opt to destroy certain embryos, so that they do not turn into babies at risk of death.
As a person of reproductive potential, I am always sensitive to legislative activity which endangers one's right to bodily autonomy and self-determination. In this particular moment, I feel compelled to share my story.
It is never, never about the right to life. It is always, always about control and subjugation.
I wish you both the best. It seems like such a long and hard journey and the last thing you need is a newscycle making you feel worse. Sending you all my love!
Back in April, when that dingus federal judge in Texas (where I live) suspended FDA approval of the abortion pill and the Roe ruling wasn’t yet a year old and abortion was all anyone was talking about on TV—I was watching from a hospital bed, two days away from having my second child 8 weeks early due to severe preeclampsia.
If instead of 32 weeks, my fetus (and trust me, she was still a fetus) was 24 weeks? 23? They would have been debating the legal ramifications of saving my life. Because it was made very clear to me that the only thing that was going to save me was to deliver her, and delivering before 24 weeks is effectively termination. It was very, very surreal—and infuriating—to be asking my doctors and nurses in real time whether I was at risk of not being given the care I needed to live.
Of course, I chose my OB-GYN, a respected, old, white man, strategically. Really. After my first, I wanted to find a younger woman, ideally queer and/or POC, to try to improve the whole pregnancy and birth experience, which is objectively brutal. But after Roe the prior June, I deliberately didn’t, because while a younger woman’s values would almost certainly be closer to mine, I knew that my old-Texas-boys-club doctor would be far less likely to have his medical decisions questioned under the law, and since I did trust him (enough) to save me over my fetus if it came to that, I felt he was the safer choice. Well, it came way closer to that than anyone thought it would (I didn’t have any complications with my first), and I was relieved I took the so-called “paranoia” about ramifications seriously.
Anyway. All of this to say. These decisions are not one side believes X, one side believes Y. The idea that it’s just a regular old difference of opinion is a fallacy. The reality is that one side is just trying to LIVE THEIR LIVES under a set of rules that doesn’t kill them, and the other side is fighting solely for the POWER to set the rules. This absurd IVF conversation proves the rule itself doesn’t actually matter to them. The rules they pretend to fight for will necessarily change, as they fluctuate in their potential to preserve power. Just as you said, it is not about babies or values or even religion—it is ONLY the right to control everyone else that these people care about. And no one convince me otherwise.
A kind commenter made me realize I didn’t make it clear my daughter and I are both okay! Emmeline Rose was delivered safely at 32 weeks. She was 3 lbs., 3 oz., and she spent 3 and a half weeks in the NICU. Now she is a thriving, redheaded, 19 lb. 10-month-old, and her 2-and-a-half year-old sister, my wife, and I love her so. 💕
I am so sorry you had to make that decision; it would have been heart-wrenching even before the end of Roe. You are courageous to share your story with us. I hope you are healing emotionally.
Oh, I’m so sorry I didn’t make it clear—we are both fine! Just very scary and real what-ifs to contend with in real time. My daughter, Emmeline Rose, was delivered safely at 32 weeks. She was 3 lbs., 3 oz. and spent 3 and a half weeks in the NICU. She is a thriving, 19 lb. redheaded 10-month-old now, with a couple teeth and lots of personality. 🩷
No one should have to go through what you did but congratulations! Emmeline sounds like a fierce human and I adore her already!
Thank you for sharing your story, and I am so sorry you went through all of that.
Thank you for sharing this.
Sending you love and success.
The anti-abortion groups have definitely thought about all of this, whether or not the politicians they elect have done the same, and these groups don't care what anyone else thinks because they believe they answer to a 'higher power'. Throughout the entirety of this crisis Republicans have demonstrated zero ability to resist these groups, so that shows us exactly what will happen if they win this election.
It's important to note that people making use of IVF have to be relatively wealthy. Whereas people who need abortion care tend to skew poorer, for lots of reasons. If this development is getting more news coverage or backlash, that's a big part of the reason why.
Excellent point about the woman’s wealth or lack of.
PS We are definitely in the upside down world where people are forced to have babies they don't want (for whatever reason) while people who want babies are being denied. SMH.
FUCK YES! Also Guest post, Taylor Kay, brilliant.
Taylor is so so good. Must be why John Oliver hired her.
Congratulations!!! I participated in my own small part by accidentally buying the Kindle version when I meant to buy the Audible version for my drive to Boise today. So I have 2 copies!!!! I will claim the mantle of getting your book above Elon's. lol Seriously, though - well-deserved and I can't wait to listen today.
Yeah down with that guy!!
Conservatism and critical thinking do seem to be at odds with each other.
Hey, if Republicans can't handle the responsibility, they should keep their Supreme Courts shut.
Not just at odds, they cannot exist in the same universe.
*laughs*
And to think that we knew you when...Hearty Congratulations-your pot of gold for all of your hard work!!
Had a drink yesterday that made me think of you-a Chai Toddy-bourbon, chai spices, ginger, lemon, honey and cinnamon-with hot water-it was lovely and warming.
oh that sounds amazing
I went back on the Site Formerly Known as Twitter to see just what a cesspool it is (and, let's be honest, to troll Talibangelicals and assorted other Cult 45 creatures), and someone there actually said this about the IVF debate: "Frogs can reanimate after being frozen. Are you saying they're not actually frogs?" You know if Greg Abbott saw that he'd be writing it down for future use.
Well, it would explain Mitch Mcconnell.
The amphibians want nothing to do with the reptilian Mitch.
I don't have anything clever to say about this. It's been a loooooong week. But February is OVER. DONE!
When I saw this WaPo headline my immediate thought was, "if the writer does not reference Lyz's book and tries to pretend this was an idea they came up with on their own I'm going to scream."
https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2024/02/28/lyz-lenz-this-american-ex-wife-divorce/
and then, it was ME
My husband yesterday said, “I read something you would like in the wash post”. Once he started to describe it, immediately knew it was you!
I love this for you and him!!!
probably best if all media outlets come to you for their divorce focused opinion pieces
I know that next month's dingus is a "best of" format but living in a small conservative state, I feel compelled to share our own "you're so special" dingus, Utah Governor Spencer Cox.
I don't know if you've seen much of Cox's anti-trans hate in the last two weeks. It has not been covered in any local outlets except the SL Trib. Here's a link:
Utah Gov. Cox calls gender-affirming care ‘genital-mutilation surgery’ during ‘Disagree Better’ event
https://www.sltrib.com/news/politics/2024/02/22/utah-gov-cox-calls-gender/
And this:
GOP lawmakers (including Cox) used misinformation about trans Utahns to rally support for bathroom ban
https://www.sltrib.com/news/politics/2024/02/28/how-gop-lawmakers-use/
A couple years ago it felt like the jury was out on Cox. He's not the same person who was interviewed by Time magazine and who said we wasn't afraid of being called woke.
And that "Disagree Better" event was HIS initiative being showcased at the national governors association meeting in February. And to top it all off, he keeps mouthing the words "I love the LGBTQ community and I'm an ally."
https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/010/692/You_Keep_Using_That_Word_meme_banner.jpg
I got a "like" from a NYT's bestselling author!!!!!!! (Says my omnipresent inner eight year-old). Congratulations!
From the CNN article: "...or given his advanced age, Carroll may be forced to reckon with his estate." 💀💀💀
This brought me great joy, I'm dying.
I am so here for this observation: "at some point your 12 year old daughter will hug you and say, A New York Times bestseller and you still can’t remember to shower." I feel you! That happens to those of us without NYT bestsellers as well. Congratulations, Lyz! I guess that NYT reviewer really understood your audience (not).
That's so great! (your best seller list position, not the pro-IVF republicans) I pre-ordered your book last month, but I only read books written by African Americans in February, and March I only read books written by women. So, I'm finishing up "Jazz", by Toni Morrison from last month, and you'll be next, followed by "Braiding Sweetgrass" by Robin Wall Kimmerer. THAT'S the kind of company you're keeping these days.
Republicans are lowkey stuck in the stoning scene from Life of Brian r/n:
"Nobody is to prosecute anyone for performing IVF in Alabama until I blow this whistle! Even if- and I want to make this absolutely clear- even if embryos are legally considered children now!" (gets (metaphorically) stoned to death by anti-abortion groups)
When I got to the footnote, all I could think of was “Do they really want me to make ‘poisoned fruit on the bottom’ yogurt? 🤣
<3 apologies for the confusion. I promise you will forgive me if you make the earl grey loaf!
I have saved the recipe!