I normally have the weekly threads open to paying subscribers only. The reason is, it makes it easier to moderate and it’s a nice perk of community for those on the paid tiers. But today, because it’s tax day, and if you are like me and you read a lot of news, you might also be feeling a little depressed, I think we all could use a bit of hope.
So share the wins and bits of good news that keep you going. It can be anything from getting a new job and finally getting back on insurance. The North American River Otter being saved. Maggie Rogers coming out with a new album just in time for you to sit on your porch and cry to every song. (Hypothetically, of course, because I am totally fine and would never.)
Okay my good thing is going to sound cheesy, but my 13yo daughter and I have been watching Gilmore Girls together and she immediately clocks that Dean is bad news and has gone on a rant about this town having not LGBTQ characters. And we are having a great time but her noticing those things gives me hope for the future. Actually talking to most teens gives me hope for the future these kids don't mess around.
They already know so much more than I did at two or three times their age. My 11-year-old calls out microagresssions the way a championship birdwatcher can identify a mourning dove 🔥
Related but I just watched the EXCELLENT documentary on Apple TV+, Girls State, over the weekend and it gave me such high hope for the women and non-binary people leaders of tomorrow.
I’m with you, Lyz! I mentor a teen girl in creative writing through WriteGirl (www.writegirl.org). My mentee is not without challenges. Who isn’t! But helping her find her voice and practice using it through her poems and stories lifts my spirits, particularly when the world feels like a shitshow. I learn something from her every time we write together.
They see so many things we didn't! Watching stand-up with my 14 year old and he said, "wow, so mostly fat-shaming and casual racism, then?" Umm...yes? Well-spotted, kid.
Wow, my good thing is similar to your good thing (and the good things shared by others here as well)!
Spent most of my Saturday evening chatting with my cousin and her kid (so, my first cousin, once removed, if I understand correctly). First Cousin, Once Removed will be attending the university they toured earlier that day to study what I believe is First Cousin, Once Removed's first choice when it comes to fields of study.
First Cousin, Once Removed is so much more socially and politically aware and engaged than I was when I was their age. First Cousin, Once Removed isn't falling for stuff I fell for back when I was their age. As far as I know, First Cousin, Once Removed already knows better, whereas I did not.
First Cousin, Once Removed has energy and enthusiasm for their future like what I remember having when I was university-bound and ready to study sociology (and again when I was just starting law school several years later). Given the state of the world, what I've been through, and where I'm at in my life right now (i.e., recent law school graduate, unemployed, stuck at my dad's house, struggling to find a job so I can afford to move out, and not in a position to begin California bar prep until I move out of my dad's house because I can't trust him to give me the space I need to study for the bar), I'm beyond exhausted. I often feel hopeless. I often worry that I'll ultimately never end up doing anything worthwhile with either of my degrees. First Cousin, Once Removed has already been through a lot as well (as have far too many in Gen Z), but that doesn't seem to weigh them down. It doesn't dim their enthusiasm for their future. It doesn't make them worry about their potential to use their education to do something worthwhile and make this world a better place.
As others have said in the comments, the kids truly are alright. Talking with First Cousin, Once Removed gave me hope for the future when hope is something I've increasingly struggled to find (let alone hold on to).
By the way, thank you so much for opening today's comments to all tiers. If I had the income for it, I'd be a paid subscriber here, but the current job market keeps being the current job market. I've been struggling for a while and I can't even remember what it feels like to feel "okay," but reading through today's comments helps reassure me that there's still hope. That means more than words can say.
I came here to say teens and kids give me hope! I volunteer in youth mentorship and my partner is a public high school teacher, and damn, the kids really are alright. He comes home every day with stories about how smart and awesome the kids are, and I often find myself crying with joy at the creative output of the kids I work with.
Also nature. Feeling the interconnectedness of everything when I am in the trees, and lately, natural examples of cooperation: mycorrhizal networks in forests, how the microbiome of our own skin interacts with our environment in a way that blurs the line between self and other. If we pay attention, everywhere there are examples of alternatives to the dominant story of competition.
Beautifully stated and so true! I very organically shifted from the Catholicism of my upbringing to Earth-based spirituality because of the wonder, joy, and genuine connection to the divine that I experience in nature, and from following nature's rhythms and guidance. When all else fails, I get myself into the woods alone and sit on the earth, and simply be in the present moment.
Yes, they’re alright. I teach at a high school for pregnant and parenting teens, and these kiddos know what’s up and have had to grow up fast, and it’s good to see so many young women wanting to continue their education after high school (because secondary education has finally caught on and is now offering day care for students!)
Don’t even get me started on how much I love today’s teens! I have two teen sons-17 and 19 (almost 20). The hope and joy they bring me is beyond anything I could have imagined, esp as a woman who only wanted daughters. My son in college is studying feminist theory, philosophy, French, and poli sci…he brings the most incredible books to my attention constantly-the latest was “Feminism for the 99%” (please read it) and he introduced me to Ellie Anderson’s paper on Hermaneutic Labor (see our show on the topic) before it was even published, when he was just 17. And his cooking is so good it blows my mind. My very cool, very popular younger son recently played me a youtube video, “Andrew Tate vs Therapist”, to show me extreme toxic masculinity and to hear my impressions of the therapist’s technique (I’m a psychologist and he’s fascinated by my work). Aside—Speaking of the therapist in the video: he played Chris on the Gilmore Girls!! And he seems to be a shockingly good therapist-a rare treat for me to see since most media “therapy” is utterly disappointing bullshit.—
This same son told me recently that a fellow 11th grader told him that he had read a book that talked about how “patriarchy is bad for men, too”—my son couldn’t believe there were boys out there who didn’t know that already! And to top it off, my sons decided to watch Gilmore Girls (for a second time) when they were alone together on New Year’s Eve…these guys are dope. I’m so glad I got to raise boys. (And someone’s daughters will be glad, too, one day! 😉)
He was better in that. He was genuinely kind and supportive. But for some reason I still recall him being belittling and unkind when they were a couple and I have a zero tolerance policy on those. A year in the life was terrible. But on the ex-boyfriend front, Dean seemed happy and Rory got to tell him he was great which I think he deserved.
My son has a rare, ultimately terminal illness. A small group of doctors around the country have been studying the disease and think they may be able to treat it with medicine, hopefully improving quality of life and maybe even curing it. This week, I am at the hospital with my son doing some pre-testing to move toward a trial. Fingers crossed!
I’ve been in your shoes! Sending good vibes and prayers to you and the medical professionals to find a path to his healing. My daughter is now 27 and healthy. ☮️💟☯️💖
We are strangers but I’m out here whooping and hooting that you all can have some hope and support!! Yes!! Oh man, it must be such a road for you, your child, and family.
Thinking of you and hoping you and your and other loved ones can maintain your optimism. And that the docs will be able to make a positive difference for him. ♥️
Pretty specific but deeply happy: after nineteen years of living on another continent, my parents are moving home this summer, and I just started packing my bag to go out to help them pack/clean/etc., and it finally feels real. I love where they live (I think of it as home too), they've been very happy there, it's been an amazing couple of decades, but y'all, they've signed a lease on an apartment three blocks from me and I will not have to take two flights to go visit them and I truly can. not. wait.
YES. I love others' stories about close, nourishing relationships with parents. They really are a source of comfort & hope. I always pay attention when I see strong, positive families (mostly among my friends). I'm not an abuse survivor (altho I've had hints that I'm repressing something), nor did I suffer from dangerous neglect, but the household I grew up in was defined by my parents' mental and emotional health challenges. They both brought good things to my life, too, but I never had what I would call a relationship with either of them. I love hearing from people who have/had at least one parent who was a confidant(e), a coach, a cheerleader, or even just someone they could talk to: someone who was interested, who paid attention. That is beautiful, and gives me hope.
I am so happy for you that they'll be close & that they were great parents to you! You are so lucky, enjoy it! (I was lucky to have such great parents too. They have died, and I miss them, but I feel like I won the lottery!)
Jenny, I am with you. I had fabulous parents too and they have both died, my mom when I was 20 and my dad when I was 43. Glad they loved me so well, but boy, I wish they were still alive.
I lost my job over a year ago and have been cobbling part-time gigs together to keep my head above water, so I’ve had to cut out all my extraneous costs. Substack subscriptions were the first to go. (Sad trombone.) So you opening this thread to everyone? That’s a very happy day for me. Community is so important, and I’ve missed the writing communities that I no longer have access to. I’m going to soak in EVERY ONE of these replies. Thank you. 😊
Crying here. It IS much. I love your work (happy divorcee here, too... except for that pesky job sitch), and your words are so important. Thank you. I am so incredibly grateful. I am also someone who will pay it forward in the best way I know how, so please know your kindness will spread. <3
I hope this isn’t presumptuous of me, since I know it’s the worst when you get advice you already tried and it failed. In case you did not know however, there are gig jobs on Upwork that maybe could work as a stopgap? Sending good vibes your way.
Helping someone with a valid suggestion is never presumptuous. (At least in my opinion.) I do know about Upwork, and I appreciate you taking the time to remind me. Sending good vibes right back to you. :)
I was “forced” to retire 6 months earlier than planned and missed the big year end bonus and had to pay for health insurance for 6 months. I too did not renew my subscription. Went on Medicare in March and hope to be able to get my feet under me soon. And to get out and do something positive, I just applied to volunteer for Planned Parenthood! Rally in Des Moines at the Supreme Court Building last week before the abortion hearing (6 weeks you all🤬) Great to get involved with something meaningful. And I have my wonderful yarn shop friends to keep me mentally afloat. Thanks Lyz for letting me share. And yes, I owed taxes today….
I "liked" this until the taxes part. And I totally get the "forced" retirement part. I think that's what happened to me, too, except it was never communicated that way. And finding a new full-time gig at 54? Pretty sure that's not going to happen. I'm inspired by your Planned Parenthood volunteering, though! Way to make lemonade! I'm inspired by that. Best wishes to you!
I don’t feel old at all! But the crickets on my 500+ job applications over the past year indicate that in tech marketing, I just might be. It’s okay. I’ll find another way. :)
I am 55 and in PR in a tech-adjacent field. The ageism is appalling, especially for women, and the current job market isn't great, but I do see people landing some great positions, so hang in there. Rooting for you!
Thank you! And thanks for acknowledging the ageism for women in our industry. It's something we definitely need to address. I'm loving the freedom to write my own stuff and work on contract-based gigs, so I'm hoping that will sustain me financially! :)
Yesterday at my 14 year olds soccer game one of his teammates got called, rightly, for a foul. In the past, this boy has been a bit of hot head, as I was as a young athlete. But, instead of throwing up his arms and complaining to the ref he stopped himself, helped the other kid up, and walked away quietly. His dad yelled, "That's growth! We've been working on that!" and I felt so grateful to be a part of this team with these parents, at a time when youth sports is often the opposite of that moment. Recognition of the fact that it's hard to be a middle schooler regulating emotions and that there is always room for growth and change.
Love this share, thank you so much! I was that kid! No one was coaching my emotional regulation and growth -- I mostly just felt oppressive amounts of shame, and 'coped' by being a people pleaser and perfectionist. Nearly 40, and still healing while focusing on being an emotionally attuned mother.
Watching my 21-year-old son care for a friend who only has a few days to live. He's so kind and compassionate and mature about this, it gives me hope for his entire generation that gets such a bad rap.
I'm going to see The Shire in New Zealand next February as part of a book signing!! I'm a complete Tolkien nerd, and my entire life has led up to the moment I step off that bus and into Hobbiton. And I'm making it on my own power through my writing.
Last night I turned on the unabridged free (with audible plus) version of book 1 in The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Neither my spouse nor I have actually read (or heard) the words since we were adolescents!! Have a total blast!
Thanks! I hope you enjoy listening to the books. If it's the one that Tolkien narrates, the speech that rouses the Rohirrim to battle is amazing. (Told you; Tolkien nerd.)
Had a chance to see the Shire in 2018 - was prepared for typical "cheesy" monetization so common in US. It was NOT that, it was AWESOME! My family and I were in NZ for 3 months, and we had the same experience in every place we visited. If you driving up from Wellington - look in on the Stonehenge on the way. The spires where Aragorn walked through the halls of the dead, and even the beach nearby and the lighthouse at the end of the road with lots of steps. They were all great, and so much more stuff! It was like going back to the 50's, where you just went walked around cool places instead of designed "experiences" dedicated to maximize financial extraction and limit autonomous exploration.
Oh wow! Thanks for the tip! I was thinking of doing a tour bus from Auckland, but I'm leaning toward renting a car instead so I can see more of the countryside (I'm more of an adventure girl than a canned tour girl) and this might just clinch it. Glad you guys had a great time!
Well, driving was a challenge... of course they drive on the left, which is always hard but especially so when you sleeply pop out early to get the family some breakfast and coffee from the airbnb... with no one else on the road, you can drive quite a while before you realize you're on the wrong side!
But also, no big highways - so many mountains that it takes a longer than you would think to drive distances. People fly alot even just to get from one side of the island to another.
With those caveates - it was great to have your own itinerary. If you're coming down from the North I think you'll pass through Rotarua - my family really liked paddle boarding at night to see the glow worms.
Last tip : we found - the internet didn't really work to find places of interest when we got to a new town. Best way to find good places to eat or nice side hikes was to stop in at a pub or something and just ask the locals. They were super friendly and knew all the good places - and it didn't seem any destination had a web presence (the Shire was the exception). Like I said, felt like a trip to the 50's. This was 2018, so YMMV.
Oh, awesome! Sounds like Ireland back in the late 90's, which was just magical. We were visiting family there for the first time (second gen Yanks here) and winged it--asking locals where all the good stuff was and the best B&Bs when we weren't staying with family. And yes, driving on the 'wrong' side is a HUGE challenge!
I saw a tour tied to the Shire that includes the glowworm caverns and was wondering if it was worth it. It looks really cool.
My friend and I made up a little ditty we sang in the car in Ireland to help with this, “Stay to the left cuz the right will f*cking kill ya!” We sang it everytime we had to turn so as not to end up on the wrong side of the road. Hope it’s helpful, even just in your head.
Wishing your son, your son's friend, and you son's friend's loved ones what they need to move through this loss. My brother-in-law's care team called it his conclusion of life. Grief is some of the hadest work we ever do. It is good your son is with them.
Now THAT IS the stuff that dreams are made of. <3 These kids. We've done something right as parents because our younglings are so much more compassionate and emotionally mature than a lot of previous generations.
Yup! I wanted to raise compassionate, caring kids and somehow that happened. And yeah, their generation gets crapped on (kinda like mine -- GenX) and it's unfair.
My children give me hope. I was a soldier and absent a lot from their lives because of that. My first wife divorced me. I loved being a father and having a family but it seemed I was doomed to wreck my kids with adult mayhem. They were stronger and wiser than I gave them credit for. They stayed away from substance abuse, they found their way to education. The adult ones are happily married, the youngest is picking her college this week and she’s earned some fantastic opportunities. They are kind and thoughtful (not Republicans, just saying, although their parents were in their formative years). I now have four grandchildren. When I think of all the drama and crap my kids endured and worked through, my heart climbs into my throat. I am profoundly fortunate to be in their lives. I met my fourth precious new granddaughter last Saturday. I am filled with incredible hope.
I could almost cry to read the words of a father who messed up but has taken accountability. My daughter and I are blighted with fathers who refuse to look in the mirror. Thank you for having humility. It seriously changes lives, and alleviates so much suffering. I hope other men see you, and consider taking your path.
You sound like a great dad and granddad. It's not an easy job. I'm betting your kids learned their wisdom and strength from you whether you know it or not. Congratulations on the new granddaughter!
Thank you. She's absolutely adorable. All of the grandkids are amazing and precious. One of my granddaughters who is four is always running at absolutely full speed barefoot and fearless around the house and yard with her little dress and hair flying behind her. Breathtaking to behold the small wonder.
My teen got her driver's license last week. So far she has picked up my Chipotle order, picked up my grocery order, and took her sister to a sleepover. She has freedom and I feel like I have a new found freedom!
YES! She got the license last Tuesday. On Friday she had an orthodontist appointment. I took her to the appointment and sat there checking my work email like I always do. About 30 minutes in I realized I didn't have to be there at all! She could have gone by herself. HA!
I've always loved to travel particularly to France, but London is my favourite city in the world. Because I'm a bit OCDC, the only way I've been able to do this (since I live on my old age pension) is to save change, put it in a big tin, wait 'til the tin's full, and then use the money to travel. Alas, I'm now nearly 90, and travel insurance is ridiculously expensive. So what I'm looking forward to is bringing a dear friend from London to be one of the singers/musicians at my 90th party in June. Took a tin's worth of change, but it's going to be so worth it to see her again...
This might be a bit of a weird one- it’s a bit niche. But bear with me. I’m a lawyer- a prosecutor who works primarily on cases of domestic/sexual/child abuse (in your neighbor to the north). My happy hopeful thing is that a decision in a giant, landmark case in this area of law in Australia was handed down yesterday, and it’s fantastic. The judge spent almost 400 pages giving an extremely nuanced and thoughtful analysis of all the facts, including some of the best comments I have ever seen about the impact of trauma on those who then have to traverse the Justice system in reporting that trauma. The judge was able to sensitively acknowledge that the victim was by no means perfect, and in some ways acted unintuitively (and downright problematically) - but that in no way meant that she was necessarily lying about being sexually assaulted. The way he calmly followed the facts and took into account the human condition while doing a tricky weighing of factors was beautiful to behold and renewed my faith that the courts can in fact be a place where sexual assault victims are believed.
Sometimes, even working in a country like Canada, I begin to despair about the state of the people whose whole job it is - Judges- to be able to sort through complex matters of credibility when it comes to allegations of sexual assault. I’ve seen so many jurists pass off or misunderstand their duty, resulting in terrible and illogical decisions (which is even more galling when you consider how much they are paid to dispense their so-called wisdom). Seeing this approach in Australia in such a high profile case (the judgment livestream was watched by almost 50 000 people) was extremely heartening and satisfying for me, and has given me a renewed spring in my step going to work today!
I’m in New Zealand so this case is literally close to home. I didn’t realise that the verdict and accompanying comments from the judge would have implications in other countries and that others were watching the outcome and I’m so glad it will and they are. This was a great outcome from a long, drawn out case which was mainly held in the media and I’m so glad the judge communicated how he did. Definitely hopeful. Thank you for sharing your perspective!
It’s so nice to hear from someone who is near to the actual case! I know it’s a bit odd for me, a foreigner, to be invested in it. But I have literally already marked portions of the written judgment so I can use them in the closings of the next sexual assault prosecution I have; I always struggle to articulate the concepts that Justice Lee spoke of so eloquently, so I’m just going to quote him wholesale. I’m also going to be pitching a PD seminar at our next “crown education days” session that would summarize the case and its findings and how well Justice Lee dealt with nuanced weighing of the credibility of the complainant AT DIFFERENT POINTS during her multi year journey of reporting. His is the first analysis I’ve ever seen that makes a distinction between the weight given to untruths told at different points of a proceeding- it seems revolutionary to consider, but of course lies or misstatements are not all created equal! The context and time in which they are made matters greatly for assessing their weight and consequence in overall credibility!
I’m ranting, but I just don’t see our jurists doing this sort of high level analysis. They tend to go all or nothing, seemingly afraid to parse at the level that Lee was willing to do. It’s so gratifying and inspiring to see him dive in like that, undaunted. I hope the trends in law in NZ are similar to those that Lee J expressed here!
I'm an Australian in a law- adjacent field and I was hanging on the edge of my seat yesterday watching the decision unfold. I can't even express how it felt to hear a crusty old privileged white guy judge absolutely nail it in his description of how trauma can influence the responses of victims and how her misteps in no way invalidated what happened to her. Also his witty put-downs of the perpetrator were chefs kiss. The logic, vocabulary and structure of the judgement make it a work of art.
Thank you for the work you do, and thank you for bringing up this case. I've been doing research for a novel that touches on a sexual abuse case and despairing over my findings. This gives me hope. Take care!
Aw you’re too kind. Here’s a link to the judgment in full- it’s long but the sections where the judge delves into his layered analysis of the credibility of the complainant regarding her allegation of sexual assault are worth reading. Maybe they’ll be helpful to you. Good luck with your book!
My plans to move to Europe, my found family and friends, the dog that I’m sitting, the cemetery across the street that serves as a home for so many birds, the reminder that I can take small steps every day to achieve my dreams.
Nearly 4 years after the derecho severely damaged my tile roof on my 1922 house in CR, after having to sue my insurance company for coverage, and then waiting 8 months to have the tile made, replacement of my roof is scheduled to begin in May.
I'm applying for a job I'm really excited about that might get me out of my patriarchal stew of a current job. I'm so excited. I also just spent the weekend at the Festival of Faith and Writing, where I got to hear Tracy K. Smith, Yaa Gyasi, and Anthony Doerr read, among other talented people, and I have the will to write and live again.
Also the blooming trees in the Midwest are OUT and so gorgeous right now.
My daughter is in a really big tantrum phase, and had an alarmingly enormous breakdown before reading stories last night, and unfairly blamed her brother for God Knows What and just screamed at him. We ended up doing separate bedtime stories and just as I was wrapping up round two with her brother, she comes out of her room to apologize to him and give him a hug.
I've been trying really hard to parent differently than I was parented through Big Inconvenient Emotions, and witnessing that glimmer of learning and repair is so hopeful.
Bringing my 45 tomato seedlings out of their little house in the morning and back in before the evening temps drop. Bugs and spiders. Butterflies, birds, and lizards.
Seriously, I have been feeling this hard. My neighborhood isn't always the prettiest, and I noticed over the winter that, in the gray of everything else, the only color was litter and trash. Now the green and the spring wildflowers are weighing in and doing a great job making the world feel tolerable.
During the pandemic, one of the many things that I was nervous about were the sightings of Invasive Asian Giant Hornets (nicknamed "murder hornets") in Washington state. These apex insects decapitate honey bees to feed, and proliferation of these hornets in the US could have been very damaging to the environment. In the midst of the chaos that was the pandemic response, I was sure that the different levels of government would not be able to get their act together to appropriately address the hornet situation in Washington.
Four years later, it looks increasingly likely that the Invasive Asian Giant Hornet has been completely removed from Washington State and Canada. This always brings me joy and a little hope. (But knock on some wood, just in case, because its relative was found in Georgia a few days ago.)
I thought of another one! I'm about to wrap up grad school and my last round of exams starts in two weeks. At this point in the semester, I make a last "to-do list" for year of everything that needs to be checked off before exams, etc..
Today I made my "Final Finals To-Do List" and I'm feeling very pleased.
Next month our fourth, and final kid, graduates from college. After paying college tuition for 12 consecutive years, we are done -- and my kids have no college debt. They didn't go to fancy schools obviously, but good ones, and they are turning out to be the very best of adults. Of course, we won't be retiring ANY TIME SOON, but we got them through college. And it feels BIG.
Congratulations!!! We are three years into what will (hopefully) be an eight year stretch of tuition to get our 2 through debt free and... it's no joke. Very impressed with you managing through FOUR!
I started ADHD meds on Friday. They are not supposed to take effect for 2 weeks, but I feel they are already making a difference. I got rid of some clutter and organized this weekend. These things were big barriers and it feels good to have worked on them.
Today there are three things. One, my son cleaned my bathtub without being asked, just because it needed to be done. If you don't mind cleaning the bathtub you aren't my people. This was the nicest things anyone's done for me for months. Two, I worked all weekend and was so tired that I was falling asleep in front of the tv by 8 PM. I was supposed to call my daughter, who was with her dad for the last week, but I was too tired. I texted her to apologize. She didn't just text back, "Okay. Goodnight." She texted, "It's okay. Don't worry. I love you so much. (except without punctuation or capitals because she is 16)". That's what I woke up to this morning.
Finally, three, I spent all day on Saturday working on my book. And I know everyone writes shitty first drafts and all that, but the writing was CRAP no matter how hard I tried. I woke up this morning feeling so despondent (though the text from my daughter was a momentary reprieve). But then I got to work, things were slow, and I managed to somehow spend the last four hours writing really good words on the sly. My book will not be total shit. And I am really well loved by my kids. How hopeful is that?!?
I completely feel you on the bathtub! My partner and I have separate bathrooms, and for my christmas gift this year she deep cleaned mine top to bottom and it was the best gift haha
My oldest kid graduates from college in a few weeks. He graduated from high school in 2020 so “graduation” consisted of driving through the high school parking lot to pick up his diploma. I’m delighted to be getting to plan an actual celebration, looking forward to sitting through multiple ceremonies…all of it!
My brother graduated from high school in 2020 too, and I am so looking forward to traveling in a few weeks to see him graduate from college! I graduated from grad school, my sister graduated from undergrad, and he graduated from high school in 2020, and it was hard to not be able to celebrate together, so I'm very excited to get to celebrate this milestone with him!
Yes! Especially as a week ago we got a foot of snow. Now it is green grass, crocuses and daffodils. Lilacs are beginning to bud and my gigantic and surprisingly hardy delphinium are getting started.
I just filed separately from my ex for the first time and am so excited to be getting rid of him and his messy finances! And though I'm now totally broke from the taxes (I'm self-employed), I'm happy, independent, and my kid is doing better than ever!
My good thing (related to the topics here discussed) is that our girls' soccer uniforms (kits) sponsorship project is in its third year. In 2024 we will donate a total of 255 high-quality colorful uniforms for 12 different teams here in Venezuela, for girls and young women from 11 to 24 years of age (U13, U15, U17, U20 and 2nd Division). Next year we hope to grow more.
I'm 54 and starting my life over. Ended my 30-odd-year relationship and I'm waiting for the final divorce decree in late summer. I'm back in school, chasing an MA in something that's a cross between being a sex therapist, a storyteller, and a counselor. Uncertain of that title, but I'm sticking with what I know makes me happy. Menopausal fog makes the schoolwork absolute hell for most days, but I keep fighting my way through it. Naysayers be damned. Trying to help my 20-year-old daughter get through junior college, but it's very hard. She's ASD/ADHD and every day is a new experience. Like so many, I'm just struggling to get by and not set fire to the current political settings. I'm glad to be here though, and I hope to find a solid job after years of being a stay-at-home parent. One bite at a time, I figure. Thank you all for being here.
I have a friend with similar interests who just went back and got her social work degree to do sex therapy with seniors and she just completed her degree despite the perimenopausal brain fog. You can do it!
OK, so this is really quite selfish but it has been my existence the last four years of my life. In March of 2020 I found out that a man who sexually abused me as a young teenager was a pediatric orthopedic surgeon in West Des Moines. Covid hit. I lost my shit. (see what I did there!)
Fast forward, I filed a complaint with the the Iowa Board of Medicine. They did nothing. Correct - nothing. I got on my big girl panties and went very public with my story - Lyz and I connected and she wrote a story about it. (Thank you!) I shared on FB, Twitter, TV, newspaper, anyone who would listen. I wrote well over 200 letters, I drove myself crazy trying to get him away from kids. The good news is that I literally ran him out of business as facilities refused to let him admit patients, insurance companies pulled their coverage, patients quit showing up and he "retired" in May of 2023. The very sad news is that he abused an eight year old child in June of 2023. He has been in jail since June, he was denied the chance to have his $1 million bail lowered, and in February 2024 he was FOUND GUILTY (AGAIN).
For me.... last Friday.... I drove four hours to Des Moines and watched him stipulate to his prior conviction with me. He had to say "YES, I did that" to the judge over and over and over. He is now facing enhanced sentencing because HE IS A REPEAT OFFENDER. He will die in prison.
I have about $25,000+ in legal fees, postage, copying, etc. etc. and as a good friend said to me, "You don't ever have to give a dime to charity again. You have done more good by getting that scum bag off the streets." I'm good with that.
I am stubborn. I am persistent. I am tough. I was recently given a t-shirt.... "Fu(k around, Find out."
Thanks for letting me share and vent. I am experiencing some slow, cautious level of closure. Finally.
it is not selfish to celebrate your persistence! who knows how many kids will be safer now because of your actions. I hope you get lots of recognition & support from your loved ones for you bravery! and that you get to enjoy some rest after a long fight.
I remember reading your story and I'm so proud of the work you did to protect your community. All the hugs, I hope you are now able to live in peace and joy <3
I gave my Mom a copy of you book and she liked it/agreed with it. Through the election and the pandemic my parents have changed, not for the better IMO. But hearing her say that about your book gives me hope that maybe she's not completely gone.
I'm starting a new business. The kids these days would call it a side hustle. It's going well, the responses have been positive. Gives me hope that I was right and maybe this could be a thing long-term.
Someone I haven't spoken to in over 8 years reached out over the weekend and said nice things and made me think maybe I'm not such a terrible person after all if after all this time, I'm still on someone's mind and I had a positive impact on their life. Gives em hope that maybe I didn't get it all wrong.
I'm pretty sure I'll be invited to a job interview soon. I was very on the fence about applying because I generally like my current job and would feel guilt about leaving it. But so many things that have happened at work in the 4 weeks since the application deadline have helped me confirm that I am as underappreciated as I feel. Hoping for their sake that my work is as important as they feel it is, and not as important as I feel it is.
I had the good fortune to attend a children's music festival on the weekend because my daughter's school choir was participating. The finale was all the choirs coming together to perform a final number. Nothing cleanses your soul of discouragement annd cynicism quite like the voices of 850 kids singing Why We Sing.
This is a week old, but still resonant. It was a beautiful day here in Vermont last Monday for the eclipse. We drove an hour north to Burlington for a longer totality interval (a little over 3 minutes, vs. about 1 minute). Before lunch we took a walk along the bike path next to Lake Champlain. People had claimed their spots with lawn chairs and blankets well before the 2:14 pm start. It was crowded by Vermont standards, but everyone was smiling and excited and friendly. Vermonters relished the beautiful spring atmosphere just days after a major snowfall. We watched the eclipse from our son's neighbor's yard, and heard cheers at the beginning and end of totality from the lakeside park a few blocks away. We waited until after dinner to head south, but still found significant traffic. Approaching a side road, I could see the headlights of cars backed up for half a mile trying to turn on to the major road we were on. When we reached the intersection, it became clear that an alternating pattern of letting people on the main road had been established, even though the other road had a stop sign and we didn't. Somehow this made me feel better about humanity, at least in that moment.
Ha - I was one of those cheering in the park with my daughters. It was an amazing experience, even with the 7-hr drive home (usually an easy 3 to Burlington!)!
my good things: i have a couple: getting ready to go to an interview for the assistant director position in the writing center of the university where i am getting my MA in english lit. i will graduate next year, 30 years after i received my BA from the same uni. i will be 68. to those who are going thru life changes later in life, doors closing and opening and all that. look around for the opportunities to do the things you always wished you had time for. do them now. ps: thanks for opening this up for free. maybe when/if i’m hired i can get a subscription, wish me luck!
Happy for finding joy on a new path in later life. After retiring from a 40-year career in corporate communications, I followed my heart and went to seminary. I graduated at age 68 and was ordained a priest in the Episcopal Church. I happily served a small congregation in rural Kansas for two years, then returned with my husband to MA (near our daughter and her family). Now I fill in for mostly small churches whose clergy are absent. These people are always so kind and welcoming. They fill my 79-year-old heart with gladness!
Also, very happy for spring! Chirping birds, including a pair of mourning doves that are nesting on the support beam under my deck. Budding lilac and hydrangea. Blooming daffodils and grape hyacinths. Yay, spring!
At about the same age, it’s been fun to realize that even if something I was passionate about got put on a back burner, I can pick up where I left off. Art! Couture! Venetian obsession…
I’m a single mom caring for my adult daughter with disabilities. I’m fortunate she’s in a program that pays me to be her 24/7 care provider. 💖 I moved to a new state that allows me to also work my side hack! For the first time in 10 years I’m getting an unexpected tax return! 💵This will be nice in my savings for a cushion either for a rainy day or for serendipity 🥳 to bring us some joy!
Only 5 more days and I'll be on a much-needed vacation with my favorite person (my husband)! We are driving to southern Arkansas and staying in a cute cottage on a lake and doing whatever we want for 10 days. I can't wait!
Its a beautifully sunny marathon Monday in Boston, and every year it thaws my seasonal depression to see so many people throwing their hearts and souls into the event
We lost our first pup in Dec 21 (he's in my little profile pic) and he was just the sweetest, best boy and it was so hard; my husband grieved for a long time (so did I, but in a different way).
But after time and healing and lots of talks, we brought home a new rescue pup on Friday and he is currently snoozing on the couch next to me and I love him so much.
My kids definitely give me hope. They're all Gen Z and Lyz is right, they do not pull punches and they see the world with realism.
Science gives me hope. A surgery I had 4 years ago has already changed a ton, with a much shorter recovery time. A friend had a cancerous tumor blasted away with some sort of nanoknife because it was sitting on an artery and they couldn't just excise it. So they blew holes in that fucker instead.
Gardening gives me hope. It's a perfect blend of optimism and realism. You hope things will grow and if they don't, you try again.
Art gives me hope. I think all the time about a tweet someone wrote about how during the dark times of early COVID, we all turned to art. I see writers working well into their 80s and beyond and hope that my mind and body cooperate so I can do the same.
1. Learning history - as screwed up as things are, a real true view of history shows they've always been pretty wacky and almost every "things were better back in the day" story is built on a mythological past.
2. My kids - the ease at which they accept a person's chosen gender and pronouns points towards a much better future. The rejection of "frat boy" culture that seemed ubiquitous to me in the 80's, the acceptance of drugs (now legal) but the choice not to use, rejection of conservative framing... it brings me such joy to know "the kids are alright". :)
3. I have as long a list of failings for the Biden administration as anyone (support for genocide, southern border insanity, inability to effect needed structural political changes, etc). But he's exceeded my expectations in willingness to spend government funds for economic production, supports labor, his labor secretary is awesome, inclusion of native folks in national resource leadership.
4. Spring. It comes every year, with all the new blooms, the birds singing, the clean wind and warm sunny days. The Earth's endless renewal puts all my petty human worries in perspective and I can shed my worries and bask in nature's re-awakening.
I am in an accelerated 20 month RN program and the future of nursing is BIPOC multicultural GOODNESS. These kids (I'm 49) are aware and intelligent and open and really cool and I'd be happy to have 95% of them as my nurse. The kids are all right.
I love this topic & the thought behind it ❤️ a thing that gives me hope today is that there are so many people who care so deeply about changing the world for the better.
Greetings to all you fine people! Wasn't gonna share, but maybe someone can get hope from my experience. I find hope in psych meds. It took years to get one of my (now late 30s) children stabilized on psych meds- she used alcohol to self-medicate prior to that, and a nurse in the ER told me, "YOU are the sick one cuz you keep bringing her in." (*Yah, that really happened.) "You need to let her go and reach bottom." I blurted, "You mean, like, let her die?" (Yep, F*** that b***.) so FWIW...PS Thank you for letting non-subscribers in today- I appreciate your generosity!
What a horrible horrible thing to say. I am so sorry that happened. Finding the right psych meds can be such a challenge and life changing. and I’m so glad your daughter AND you.
I saw a couple of bees buzzing around my lupin yesterday-it has no flowers yet. There are dandelions and flowering fruit trees for them to feast on in the meantime. It gives me hope to see bees this early!
This is a weird hopeful thing, but after a life of trying to never fail and achieve and be there for everyone and do the right thing for everyone, I realize it's okay to not be good at something. Nobody is good at everything & that's okay. I always thought I'd be great at dealing with all the paperwork and crap after a death . . . Turns out that I am NOT, and that is okay. Sadness I can handle but all the GUNK (I believe that's the medical term) of grief has done a number on me. Still okay!
This is a similarly weird thing to be hopeful about, but this weekend my uncle finally signed a will. He's in his 80's and in poor health. His wife recently died without a will and he unwittingly inherited a good bit of her family's property, and since they have no children, my father is now set to inherit it. Everyone (other than my uncle) was very worried about this as it has tax implications for us and it breaks up a farm that's been in my aunt's family since the 1800s.
My people. Write wills. Review and update them every few years. Do not assume your spouse will outlive you. Do not assume your kids will "honor your wishes". Do not assume your kids even *know* your wishes. Find a family lawyer, write a dang will.
Yeeeees! My beloved sister died last year and had not updated her will since her divorce 14 years ago. Of course her (ex) husband was beneficiary. State law does delete him from the will since they divorced, but still. At least I was beneficiary of life insurance & I know it goes to her kids. We thought we'd have more time with her to work this stuff out (and she did too!).
My friend actually just became executor of her ex-husband's estate because he hadn't updated the will since the divorce 8 years ago. They have adult children together who would have inherited otherwise, but his siblings and girlfriend are still very upset that his ex is handling the business. Of course, she'd also rather not be doing her ex's admin for him, particularly as she lives 500 miles away, but here we are.
My ex boyfriend died and I was still beneficiary on his life insurance...after 7 years. After consulting an attorney and tax experts, I retained enough $$ to cover any negative repercussions (AND the funds he owed me - had a signed promissory note that I didn't ever expect to be repaid on) and gave the rest of the funds to his brother for the nephews. They were very happy that I didn't just keep it.
Some states will let you waive the "right" of being administrator / executor.... She might consult an attorney in said state that specializes in estates. A sister died in DC 4ish years ago - she had co-executors - DC licensed attorney recommended 1 executor resign (in writing) and she did. Thankfully! Co-executors, at least in DC, make much more work! Both have to sign off on everything. So glad we avoided that
Yes! Yes! and yes! Glad you posted this Abigayle! Lyz, maybe you could do a column & ask people to respond if they have a recent will & other important factors??? Guardian for minor age children - if both parents might die, pet guardian - my family would send my pets to the Humane Society, etc.... . Find a good attorney to write your will & then review it every 3 to 5 years.
Yeah, that would be a good thread topic. There's a lot to know about a topic most of us would prefer not to think about. And a lot of family drama trying to settle affairs through a fog of grief. The best situation is that the will is both very clear and not a surprise to anyone.
Ugh, same! The number of times I've shown up to a bank or court house with *almost* the correct paperwork is demoralizing. But you're right, it is okay. May we never get so much practice that we're good at it.
I took up rowing (on the water! it was terrifying!) in 2022 and it has made me SO MUCH BETTER at being bad at things! I hope you continue to feel the freedom of not needing to be perfect. <3
This is a small moment of joy, but we took my dad to a Cubs vs. Mariners game in Seattle this weekend. He grew up in Chicago going to the games, but hasn't been to one since 1985. It felt awesome to be able to treat him to a nice experience after all he's done for us as an incredible dad – plus the Cubbies won!!
PS – Lyz, he's excited to read your books, especially GOD LAND!
Well - mine isn't inspirational but I'm happy. I got a new top-loader washing machine on clearance yesterday so the beast of a front loader that leaves clothes smelling mildewy is out the door tomorrow. That, and I'm getting things together to order a ring designed by the guy from Bend that you featured a few weeks ago. He was really great, and I think I'm going to have a ring that means a lot.
My seed starter trays that are sitting in the sun on our harvest room table. They should start sprouting any day now, and I can't wait to get them into our flower and vegetable gardens. The hummingbird & oriole feeders that are ready to be filled in the basement. And my brother getting fired from his job. While he could experience a difficult time securing employment due to physical obstacles, knowing he is out of that toxic environment, where he was treated horribly for nearly 28 years, makes me feel hopeful that he’ll find something where he is appreciated for the amazing guy he is.
I went on my first date post-divorce. It was nice but I decided this person wasn't right for me. Old me would have taken the B- date and said there is enough to work with. That I can turn this into an A with a bit of effort. But I don't need to I can wait for my A date, who will be better suited to me anyway. I owe this to you, Lyz. Thank you!
my win sounds bleak but feels really nice: I'm finally feeling accepting and ready to move on over an estrangement from my family of origin. it's been a few very painful years but another recent loss really helped me realize that I no longer want to go back to how things were, when I had to make myself small and endure emotional abuse, just to say that I had "good" relationships with my parents and only sibling. it feels like I can really embrace what's next for me and bid them adieu in my heart.
Can't say I 'like' this but I understand. I am decades estranged from my parents/relatives (I refuse to call them family, they never acted like it). It wasn't my first choice it was my last choice, and it ultimately saved my life. You are not alone, we are out here rooting for you 💗
I work for an environmental advocacy org. For a long time, there was hardly any hope to be had from work in climate change. But recently, some cool scientific advances have been made that will make it much more likely that we can address carbon and methane in a meaningful way. That gives me so much hope. Also ... young people. This next generation of 20+ year olds are the most fired up generation I've seen in my 30 years of climate work. They're not going to half-ass their advocacy and cave to compromises that render them powerless. I'm grateful, hopeful and here to do whatever they need to be successful.
Okay my good thing is going to sound cheesy, but my 13yo daughter and I have been watching Gilmore Girls together and she immediately clocks that Dean is bad news and has gone on a rant about this town having not LGBTQ characters. And we are having a great time but her noticing those things gives me hope for the future. Actually talking to most teens gives me hope for the future these kids don't mess around.
Thank you for sharing this and thank you for allowing unpaid subscribers to feel this joy today (I really needed it).
ME TOO!
They already know so much more than I did at two or three times their age. My 11-year-old calls out microagresssions the way a championship birdwatcher can identify a mourning dove 🔥
The kids are alright.
I love them all so deeply. They can roast the hell out of my clothes. I don't care.
Oh so called out on this. Also on my ancient slang. The new slang is pretty great but i dont think I'm allowed to go there, bruh 😅🙃
The kids these days are fantastic; socially aware, engaged. I love to see it.
Related but I just watched the EXCELLENT documentary on Apple TV+, Girls State, over the weekend and it gave me such high hope for the women and non-binary people leaders of tomorrow.
I’m with you, Lyz! I mentor a teen girl in creative writing through WriteGirl (www.writegirl.org). My mentee is not without challenges. Who isn’t! But helping her find her voice and practice using it through her poems and stories lifts my spirits, particularly when the world feels like a shitshow. I learn something from her every time we write together.
Thank you for doing this!🥰
They see so many things we didn't! Watching stand-up with my 14 year old and he said, "wow, so mostly fat-shaming and casual racism, then?" Umm...yes? Well-spotted, kid.
Wow, my good thing is similar to your good thing (and the good things shared by others here as well)!
Spent most of my Saturday evening chatting with my cousin and her kid (so, my first cousin, once removed, if I understand correctly). First Cousin, Once Removed will be attending the university they toured earlier that day to study what I believe is First Cousin, Once Removed's first choice when it comes to fields of study.
First Cousin, Once Removed is so much more socially and politically aware and engaged than I was when I was their age. First Cousin, Once Removed isn't falling for stuff I fell for back when I was their age. As far as I know, First Cousin, Once Removed already knows better, whereas I did not.
First Cousin, Once Removed has energy and enthusiasm for their future like what I remember having when I was university-bound and ready to study sociology (and again when I was just starting law school several years later). Given the state of the world, what I've been through, and where I'm at in my life right now (i.e., recent law school graduate, unemployed, stuck at my dad's house, struggling to find a job so I can afford to move out, and not in a position to begin California bar prep until I move out of my dad's house because I can't trust him to give me the space I need to study for the bar), I'm beyond exhausted. I often feel hopeless. I often worry that I'll ultimately never end up doing anything worthwhile with either of my degrees. First Cousin, Once Removed has already been through a lot as well (as have far too many in Gen Z), but that doesn't seem to weigh them down. It doesn't dim their enthusiasm for their future. It doesn't make them worry about their potential to use their education to do something worthwhile and make this world a better place.
As others have said in the comments, the kids truly are alright. Talking with First Cousin, Once Removed gave me hope for the future when hope is something I've increasingly struggled to find (let alone hold on to).
By the way, thank you so much for opening today's comments to all tiers. If I had the income for it, I'd be a paid subscriber here, but the current job market keeps being the current job market. I've been struggling for a while and I can't even remember what it feels like to feel "okay," but reading through today's comments helps reassure me that there's still hope. That means more than words can say.
I came here to say teens and kids give me hope! I volunteer in youth mentorship and my partner is a public high school teacher, and damn, the kids really are alright. He comes home every day with stories about how smart and awesome the kids are, and I often find myself crying with joy at the creative output of the kids I work with.
Also nature. Feeling the interconnectedness of everything when I am in the trees, and lately, natural examples of cooperation: mycorrhizal networks in forests, how the microbiome of our own skin interacts with our environment in a way that blurs the line between self and other. If we pay attention, everywhere there are examples of alternatives to the dominant story of competition.
Beautifully stated and so true! I very organically shifted from the Catholicism of my upbringing to Earth-based spirituality because of the wonder, joy, and genuine connection to the divine that I experience in nature, and from following nature's rhythms and guidance. When all else fails, I get myself into the woods alone and sit on the earth, and simply be in the present moment.
Yes, they’re alright. I teach at a high school for pregnant and parenting teens, and these kiddos know what’s up and have had to grow up fast, and it’s good to see so many young women wanting to continue their education after high school (because secondary education has finally caught on and is now offering day care for students!)
This isn't cheesy. It's fantastic. I treat teens as a therapist, and they give me a lot of hope, too. The alphas really have it going on.
love her
My teenager is also watching Gilmore Girls! She says it's good. I never watched it.
I haven't really watched it and I thought it would be fun to watch it together given the parallels. And it is fun! Even lil J loves it!
Don’t even get me started on how much I love today’s teens! I have two teen sons-17 and 19 (almost 20). The hope and joy they bring me is beyond anything I could have imagined, esp as a woman who only wanted daughters. My son in college is studying feminist theory, philosophy, French, and poli sci…he brings the most incredible books to my attention constantly-the latest was “Feminism for the 99%” (please read it) and he introduced me to Ellie Anderson’s paper on Hermaneutic Labor (see our show on the topic) before it was even published, when he was just 17. And his cooking is so good it blows my mind. My very cool, very popular younger son recently played me a youtube video, “Andrew Tate vs Therapist”, to show me extreme toxic masculinity and to hear my impressions of the therapist’s technique (I’m a psychologist and he’s fascinated by my work). Aside—Speaking of the therapist in the video: he played Chris on the Gilmore Girls!! And he seems to be a shockingly good therapist-a rare treat for me to see since most media “therapy” is utterly disappointing bullshit.—
This same son told me recently that a fellow 11th grader told him that he had read a book that talked about how “patriarchy is bad for men, too”—my son couldn’t believe there were boys out there who didn’t know that already! And to top it off, my sons decided to watch Gilmore Girls (for a second time) when they were alone together on New Year’s Eve…these guys are dope. I’m so glad I got to raise boys. (And someone’s daughters will be glad, too, one day! 😉)
LOVE GenZ! 🥰
Team Jess!
Omg. Wasn’t he the mildly emotionally abusive one? Team Logan!
Well, he was sullen and uncommunicative at times, but Rory didn't end up drunk and crying on the bathroom floor over him! :o )
Did you see "A Year in the Life"? It's not great, sadly, but that's what sealed Team Jess for me.
He was better in that. He was genuinely kind and supportive. But for some reason I still recall him being belittling and unkind when they were a couple and I have a zero tolerance policy on those. A year in the life was terrible. But on the ex-boyfriend front, Dean seemed happy and Rory got to tell him he was great which I think he deserved.
the kids are alright.
My son has a rare, ultimately terminal illness. A small group of doctors around the country have been studying the disease and think they may be able to treat it with medicine, hopefully improving quality of life and maybe even curing it. This week, I am at the hospital with my son doing some pre-testing to move toward a trial. Fingers crossed!
Crossing my fingers and my everything for you and your son and your whole family.
I’ve been in your shoes! Sending good vibes and prayers to you and the medical professionals to find a path to his healing. My daughter is now 27 and healthy. ☮️💟☯️💖
I'm about to burst into tears reading this. I am holding so much space for you and your son.
Truly hopeful.
Science gives me hope all the time. Katie, I am holding hope with you and your son.
We are strangers but I’m out here whooping and hooting that you all can have some hope and support!! Yes!! Oh man, it must be such a road for you, your child, and family.
I am holding a vision of health for your son.
Sending you warm and healing thoughts, Katie
Sending you all the love and positive vibes!
Thinking of you and hoping you and your and other loved ones can maintain your optimism. And that the docs will be able to make a positive difference for him. ♥️
All the positive thoughts and prayers.
You have all my prayers!!
Sending all the love and holding hope for you all.
Just effing amazing. And I'm keeping you guys in my thoughts and sending all the powerful good vibes!!
I’m there too. I’m sending all my love and positive energy to your family.
Wow that is truly amazing and hopeful news
Pretty specific but deeply happy: after nineteen years of living on another continent, my parents are moving home this summer, and I just started packing my bag to go out to help them pack/clean/etc., and it finally feels real. I love where they live (I think of it as home too), they've been very happy there, it's been an amazing couple of decades, but y'all, they've signed a lease on an apartment three blocks from me and I will not have to take two flights to go visit them and I truly can. not. wait.
The thing I love about this the most is how much you love your parents and want them near.
I am unspeakably lucky that my parents are my parents. I have no words for it. <3
Keep sharing them with us. It's really healing for those of us who don't have that.
YES. I love others' stories about close, nourishing relationships with parents. They really are a source of comfort & hope. I always pay attention when I see strong, positive families (mostly among my friends). I'm not an abuse survivor (altho I've had hints that I'm repressing something), nor did I suffer from dangerous neglect, but the household I grew up in was defined by my parents' mental and emotional health challenges. They both brought good things to my life, too, but I never had what I would call a relationship with either of them. I love hearing from people who have/had at least one parent who was a confidant(e), a coach, a cheerleader, or even just someone they could talk to: someone who was interested, who paid attention. That is beautiful, and gives me hope.
Just a little taste of re-parenting ourselves through a third party. ;) It's good stuff.
I am so happy for you that they'll be close & that they were great parents to you! You are so lucky, enjoy it! (I was lucky to have such great parents too. They have died, and I miss them, but I feel like I won the lottery!)
Jenny, I am with you. I had fabulous parents too and they have both died, my mom when I was 20 and my dad when I was 43. Glad they loved me so well, but boy, I wish they were still alive.
I am so beyond happy for you that you have loving parents you want living near you.
I lost my job over a year ago and have been cobbling part-time gigs together to keep my head above water, so I’ve had to cut out all my extraneous costs. Substack subscriptions were the first to go. (Sad trombone.) So you opening this thread to everyone? That’s a very happy day for me. Community is so important, and I’ve missed the writing communities that I no longer have access to. I’m going to soak in EVERY ONE of these replies. Thank you. 😊
Just extended your subscription free for a year! It's not much but hopefully it's a small bit of joy
Crying here. It IS much. I love your work (happy divorcee here, too... except for that pesky job sitch), and your words are so important. Thank you. I am so incredibly grateful. I am also someone who will pay it forward in the best way I know how, so please know your kindness will spread. <3
I hope this isn’t presumptuous of me, since I know it’s the worst when you get advice you already tried and it failed. In case you did not know however, there are gig jobs on Upwork that maybe could work as a stopgap? Sending good vibes your way.
Helping someone with a valid suggestion is never presumptuous. (At least in my opinion.) I do know about Upwork, and I appreciate you taking the time to remind me. Sending good vibes right back to you. :)
This is my hope today. This.
Love this
👏
I was “forced” to retire 6 months earlier than planned and missed the big year end bonus and had to pay for health insurance for 6 months. I too did not renew my subscription. Went on Medicare in March and hope to be able to get my feet under me soon. And to get out and do something positive, I just applied to volunteer for Planned Parenthood! Rally in Des Moines at the Supreme Court Building last week before the abortion hearing (6 weeks you all🤬) Great to get involved with something meaningful. And I have my wonderful yarn shop friends to keep me mentally afloat. Thanks Lyz for letting me share. And yes, I owed taxes today….
I "liked" this until the taxes part. And I totally get the "forced" retirement part. I think that's what happened to me, too, except it was never communicated that way. And finding a new full-time gig at 54? Pretty sure that's not going to happen. I'm inspired by your Planned Parenthood volunteering, though! Way to make lemonade! I'm inspired by that. Best wishes to you!
I was 59 when my reporting career ended. And I was scared but did find a full-time job to replace it. So, it IS possible. Good luck to you!
54 isn’t that old. You can find a job. I relocated and found a job at 59 as an accountant with them knowing I was retiring at 65
I don’t feel old at all! But the crickets on my 500+ job applications over the past year indicate that in tech marketing, I just might be. It’s okay. I’ll find another way. :)
I am 55 and in PR in a tech-adjacent field. The ageism is appalling, especially for women, and the current job market isn't great, but I do see people landing some great positions, so hang in there. Rooting for you!
Thank you! And thanks for acknowledging the ageism for women in our industry. It's something we definitely need to address. I'm loving the freedom to write my own stuff and work on contract-based gigs, so I'm hoping that will sustain me financially! :)
So so sorry. Best of luck! 🥰
I knit a lot now that I’m retired and I also want to volunteer for PP. we must be sisters!
Nancy - I don’t know where you are but I’m in Lyz’s part of the world, Marion Iowa.
Yesterday at my 14 year olds soccer game one of his teammates got called, rightly, for a foul. In the past, this boy has been a bit of hot head, as I was as a young athlete. But, instead of throwing up his arms and complaining to the ref he stopped himself, helped the other kid up, and walked away quietly. His dad yelled, "That's growth! We've been working on that!" and I felt so grateful to be a part of this team with these parents, at a time when youth sports is often the opposite of that moment. Recognition of the fact that it's hard to be a middle schooler regulating emotions and that there is always room for growth and change.
That sounds huge! Good on that kid and that parent.
That's huge and I love that the parent called out in support. I hope they get all the love and new-found respect of their teammates!
Love this share, thank you so much! I was that kid! No one was coaching my emotional regulation and growth -- I mostly just felt oppressive amounts of shame, and 'coped' by being a people pleaser and perfectionist. Nearly 40, and still healing while focusing on being an emotionally attuned mother.
Two things:
Watching my 21-year-old son care for a friend who only has a few days to live. He's so kind and compassionate and mature about this, it gives me hope for his entire generation that gets such a bad rap.
I'm going to see The Shire in New Zealand next February as part of a book signing!! I'm a complete Tolkien nerd, and my entire life has led up to the moment I step off that bus and into Hobbiton. And I'm making it on my own power through my writing.
What a joy to see your kid become a kind and compassionate human. And heck yes to fabulous travel plans!
Last night I turned on the unabridged free (with audible plus) version of book 1 in The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Neither my spouse nor I have actually read (or heard) the words since we were adolescents!! Have a total blast!
Thanks! I hope you enjoy listening to the books. If it's the one that Tolkien narrates, the speech that rouses the Rohirrim to battle is amazing. (Told you; Tolkien nerd.)
Had a chance to see the Shire in 2018 - was prepared for typical "cheesy" monetization so common in US. It was NOT that, it was AWESOME! My family and I were in NZ for 3 months, and we had the same experience in every place we visited. If you driving up from Wellington - look in on the Stonehenge on the way. The spires where Aragorn walked through the halls of the dead, and even the beach nearby and the lighthouse at the end of the road with lots of steps. They were all great, and so much more stuff! It was like going back to the 50's, where you just went walked around cool places instead of designed "experiences" dedicated to maximize financial extraction and limit autonomous exploration.
Oh wow! Thanks for the tip! I was thinking of doing a tour bus from Auckland, but I'm leaning toward renting a car instead so I can see more of the countryside (I'm more of an adventure girl than a canned tour girl) and this might just clinch it. Glad you guys had a great time!
Well, driving was a challenge... of course they drive on the left, which is always hard but especially so when you sleeply pop out early to get the family some breakfast and coffee from the airbnb... with no one else on the road, you can drive quite a while before you realize you're on the wrong side!
But also, no big highways - so many mountains that it takes a longer than you would think to drive distances. People fly alot even just to get from one side of the island to another.
With those caveates - it was great to have your own itinerary. If you're coming down from the North I think you'll pass through Rotarua - my family really liked paddle boarding at night to see the glow worms.
Last tip : we found - the internet didn't really work to find places of interest when we got to a new town. Best way to find good places to eat or nice side hikes was to stop in at a pub or something and just ask the locals. They were super friendly and knew all the good places - and it didn't seem any destination had a web presence (the Shire was the exception). Like I said, felt like a trip to the 50's. This was 2018, so YMMV.
Best of luck!
Oh, awesome! Sounds like Ireland back in the late 90's, which was just magical. We were visiting family there for the first time (second gen Yanks here) and winged it--asking locals where all the good stuff was and the best B&Bs when we weren't staying with family. And yes, driving on the 'wrong' side is a HUGE challenge!
I saw a tour tied to the Shire that includes the glowworm caverns and was wondering if it was worth it. It looks really cool.
My friend and I made up a little ditty we sang in the car in Ireland to help with this, “Stay to the left cuz the right will f*cking kill ya!” We sang it everytime we had to turn so as not to end up on the wrong side of the road. Hope it’s helpful, even just in your head.
Lol! Sound advice - anytime, anywhere. ;-)
Olivia, my heart goes out to your son and his friend. <3
Thank you. I'll pass on your kind words. It's been a struggle.
Wishing your son, your son's friend, and you son's friend's loved ones what they need to move through this loss. My brother-in-law's care team called it his conclusion of life. Grief is some of the hadest work we ever do. It is good your son is with them.
Thank you. And I'm sorry to hear about your brother-in-law.
Now THAT IS the stuff that dreams are made of. <3 These kids. We've done something right as parents because our younglings are so much more compassionate and emotionally mature than a lot of previous generations.
Yup! I wanted to raise compassionate, caring kids and somehow that happened. And yeah, their generation gets crapped on (kinda like mine -- GenX) and it's unfair.
It seems to me a lot of the same generation that crapped on us Xers are now crapping on their grandkids. <.<
Good point!
My children give me hope. I was a soldier and absent a lot from their lives because of that. My first wife divorced me. I loved being a father and having a family but it seemed I was doomed to wreck my kids with adult mayhem. They were stronger and wiser than I gave them credit for. They stayed away from substance abuse, they found their way to education. The adult ones are happily married, the youngest is picking her college this week and she’s earned some fantastic opportunities. They are kind and thoughtful (not Republicans, just saying, although their parents were in their formative years). I now have four grandchildren. When I think of all the drama and crap my kids endured and worked through, my heart climbs into my throat. I am profoundly fortunate to be in their lives. I met my fourth precious new granddaughter last Saturday. I am filled with incredible hope.
I could almost cry to read the words of a father who messed up but has taken accountability. My daughter and I are blighted with fathers who refuse to look in the mirror. Thank you for having humility. It seriously changes lives, and alleviates so much suffering. I hope other men see you, and consider taking your path.
Wow this is beautiful. Thank you for sharing Pete
That’s so beautiful, and I’m so glad for you! Enjoy every moment
The tears hit here. I’m sure you sticking with them even when the distance between all of you seemed very far emotionally has helped them too.
You sound like a great dad and granddad. It's not an easy job. I'm betting your kids learned their wisdom and strength from you whether you know it or not. Congratulations on the new granddaughter!
Thank you. She's absolutely adorable. All of the grandkids are amazing and precious. One of my granddaughters who is four is always running at absolutely full speed barefoot and fearless around the house and yard with her little dress and hair flying behind her. Breathtaking to behold the small wonder.
My teen got her driver's license last week. So far she has picked up my Chipotle order, picked up my grocery order, and took her sister to a sleepover. She has freedom and I feel like I have a new found freedom!
yes! You made it to another level of parenting! I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU! Also your kids are great
My kid just got her permit last week - can’t wait for this!!
It's a total win-win, isn't it? I felt the same way.
YES! She got the license last Tuesday. On Friday she had an orthodontist appointment. I took her to the appointment and sat there checking my work email like I always do. About 30 minutes in I realized I didn't have to be there at all! She could have gone by herself. HA!
LOL! It takes a minute to get used to it!
I've always loved to travel particularly to France, but London is my favourite city in the world. Because I'm a bit OCDC, the only way I've been able to do this (since I live on my old age pension) is to save change, put it in a big tin, wait 'til the tin's full, and then use the money to travel. Alas, I'm now nearly 90, and travel insurance is ridiculously expensive. So what I'm looking forward to is bringing a dear friend from London to be one of the singers/musicians at my 90th party in June. Took a tin's worth of change, but it's going to be so worth it to see her again...
Thank you for opening this up to all!
This might be a bit of a weird one- it’s a bit niche. But bear with me. I’m a lawyer- a prosecutor who works primarily on cases of domestic/sexual/child abuse (in your neighbor to the north). My happy hopeful thing is that a decision in a giant, landmark case in this area of law in Australia was handed down yesterday, and it’s fantastic. The judge spent almost 400 pages giving an extremely nuanced and thoughtful analysis of all the facts, including some of the best comments I have ever seen about the impact of trauma on those who then have to traverse the Justice system in reporting that trauma. The judge was able to sensitively acknowledge that the victim was by no means perfect, and in some ways acted unintuitively (and downright problematically) - but that in no way meant that she was necessarily lying about being sexually assaulted. The way he calmly followed the facts and took into account the human condition while doing a tricky weighing of factors was beautiful to behold and renewed my faith that the courts can in fact be a place where sexual assault victims are believed.
Sometimes, even working in a country like Canada, I begin to despair about the state of the people whose whole job it is - Judges- to be able to sort through complex matters of credibility when it comes to allegations of sexual assault. I’ve seen so many jurists pass off or misunderstand their duty, resulting in terrible and illogical decisions (which is even more galling when you consider how much they are paid to dispense their so-called wisdom). Seeing this approach in Australia in such a high profile case (the judgment livestream was watched by almost 50 000 people) was extremely heartening and satisfying for me, and has given me a renewed spring in my step going to work today!
I’m in New Zealand so this case is literally close to home. I didn’t realise that the verdict and accompanying comments from the judge would have implications in other countries and that others were watching the outcome and I’m so glad it will and they are. This was a great outcome from a long, drawn out case which was mainly held in the media and I’m so glad the judge communicated how he did. Definitely hopeful. Thank you for sharing your perspective!
It’s so nice to hear from someone who is near to the actual case! I know it’s a bit odd for me, a foreigner, to be invested in it. But I have literally already marked portions of the written judgment so I can use them in the closings of the next sexual assault prosecution I have; I always struggle to articulate the concepts that Justice Lee spoke of so eloquently, so I’m just going to quote him wholesale. I’m also going to be pitching a PD seminar at our next “crown education days” session that would summarize the case and its findings and how well Justice Lee dealt with nuanced weighing of the credibility of the complainant AT DIFFERENT POINTS during her multi year journey of reporting. His is the first analysis I’ve ever seen that makes a distinction between the weight given to untruths told at different points of a proceeding- it seems revolutionary to consider, but of course lies or misstatements are not all created equal! The context and time in which they are made matters greatly for assessing their weight and consequence in overall credibility!
I’m ranting, but I just don’t see our jurists doing this sort of high level analysis. They tend to go all or nothing, seemingly afraid to parse at the level that Lee was willing to do. It’s so gratifying and inspiring to see him dive in like that, undaunted. I hope the trends in law in NZ are similar to those that Lee J expressed here!
Haha no rant away, I’m so happy to hear how much of the judgement you’ll be able to use. And I’m in awe of your work. Keep that passion!
This is an amazing story. Thank you for sharing your passion with all of us! Keep fighting the good fight
I'm an Australian in a law- adjacent field and I was hanging on the edge of my seat yesterday watching the decision unfold. I can't even express how it felt to hear a crusty old privileged white guy judge absolutely nail it in his description of how trauma can influence the responses of victims and how her misteps in no way invalidated what happened to her. Also his witty put-downs of the perpetrator were chefs kiss. The logic, vocabulary and structure of the judgement make it a work of art.
Thank you for the work you do, and thank you for bringing up this case. I've been doing research for a novel that touches on a sexual abuse case and despairing over my findings. This gives me hope. Take care!
Aw you’re too kind. Here’s a link to the judgment in full- it’s long but the sections where the judge delves into his layered analysis of the credibility of the complainant regarding her allegation of sexual assault are worth reading. Maybe they’ll be helpful to you. Good luck with your book!
https://www.judgments.fedcourt.gov.au/judgments/Judgments/fca/single/2024/2024fca0369
My plans to move to Europe, my found family and friends, the dog that I’m sitting, the cemetery across the street that serves as a home for so many birds, the reminder that I can take small steps every day to achieve my dreams.
I love these plans! And each and every small step. I hope you get to celebrate every win
Thank you!!
Nearly 4 years after the derecho severely damaged my tile roof on my 1922 house in CR, after having to sue my insurance company for coverage, and then waiting 8 months to have the tile made, replacement of my roof is scheduled to begin in May.
Big love to you and other Derecho-affected people who I’m sure are similarly struggling with insurance garbage.
I'm applying for a job I'm really excited about that might get me out of my patriarchal stew of a current job. I'm so excited. I also just spent the weekend at the Festival of Faith and Writing, where I got to hear Tracy K. Smith, Yaa Gyasi, and Anthony Doerr read, among other talented people, and I have the will to write and live again.
Also the blooming trees in the Midwest are OUT and so gorgeous right now.
"Getting out of my patriarchal stew" is going to be my new catch phrase!
Patriarchal stews are so soul-sucking. Cheering for you to be able to GET OUT!!
get that job!
Cheers on the writing! I'm rooting for you!
Sending all the new-job vibes, Katie!
My daughter is in a really big tantrum phase, and had an alarmingly enormous breakdown before reading stories last night, and unfairly blamed her brother for God Knows What and just screamed at him. We ended up doing separate bedtime stories and just as I was wrapping up round two with her brother, she comes out of her room to apologize to him and give him a hug.
I've been trying really hard to parent differently than I was parented through Big Inconvenient Emotions, and witnessing that glimmer of learning and repair is so hopeful.
Spring.
Bringing my 45 tomato seedlings out of their little house in the morning and back in before the evening temps drop. Bugs and spiders. Butterflies, birds, and lizards.
Seriously, I have been feeling this hard. My neighborhood isn't always the prettiest, and I noticed over the winter that, in the gray of everything else, the only color was litter and trash. Now the green and the spring wildflowers are weighing in and doing a great job making the world feel tolerable.
This is beautiful
I usually plant about 50 tomato plants but don't have the time to start from seedlings, so Palo nursery is my first stop at planting season.
45?!?!
Wow! I do 6 and I have way more tomatoes than I can deal with!
During the pandemic, one of the many things that I was nervous about were the sightings of Invasive Asian Giant Hornets (nicknamed "murder hornets") in Washington state. These apex insects decapitate honey bees to feed, and proliferation of these hornets in the US could have been very damaging to the environment. In the midst of the chaos that was the pandemic response, I was sure that the different levels of government would not be able to get their act together to appropriately address the hornet situation in Washington.
Four years later, it looks increasingly likely that the Invasive Asian Giant Hornet has been completely removed from Washington State and Canada. This always brings me joy and a little hope. (But knock on some wood, just in case, because its relative was found in Georgia a few days ago.)
I thought of another one! I'm about to wrap up grad school and my last round of exams starts in two weeks. At this point in the semester, I make a last "to-do list" for year of everything that needs to be checked off before exams, etc..
Today I made my "Final Finals To-Do List" and I'm feeling very pleased.
That was pretty remarkable! They were terrifying.
Next month our fourth, and final kid, graduates from college. After paying college tuition for 12 consecutive years, we are done -- and my kids have no college debt. They didn't go to fancy schools obviously, but good ones, and they are turning out to be the very best of adults. Of course, we won't be retiring ANY TIME SOON, but we got them through college. And it feels BIG.
Congratulations!!! We are three years into what will (hopefully) be an eight year stretch of tuition to get our 2 through debt free and... it's no joke. Very impressed with you managing through FOUR!
I started ADHD meds on Friday. They are not supposed to take effect for 2 weeks, but I feel they are already making a difference. I got rid of some clutter and organized this weekend. These things were big barriers and it feels good to have worked on them.
Recently diagnosed and right there with you, Melissa!
Today there are three things. One, my son cleaned my bathtub without being asked, just because it needed to be done. If you don't mind cleaning the bathtub you aren't my people. This was the nicest things anyone's done for me for months. Two, I worked all weekend and was so tired that I was falling asleep in front of the tv by 8 PM. I was supposed to call my daughter, who was with her dad for the last week, but I was too tired. I texted her to apologize. She didn't just text back, "Okay. Goodnight." She texted, "It's okay. Don't worry. I love you so much. (except without punctuation or capitals because she is 16)". That's what I woke up to this morning.
Finally, three, I spent all day on Saturday working on my book. And I know everyone writes shitty first drafts and all that, but the writing was CRAP no matter how hard I tried. I woke up this morning feeling so despondent (though the text from my daughter was a momentary reprieve). But then I got to work, things were slow, and I managed to somehow spend the last four hours writing really good words on the sly. My book will not be total shit. And I am really well loved by my kids. How hopeful is that?!?
I completely feel you on the bathtub! My partner and I have separate bathrooms, and for my christmas gift this year she deep cleaned mine top to bottom and it was the best gift haha
That’s a WONDERFUL gift! 😍
My oldest kid graduates from college in a few weeks. He graduated from high school in 2020 so “graduation” consisted of driving through the high school parking lot to pick up his diploma. I’m delighted to be getting to plan an actual celebration, looking forward to sitting through multiple ceremonies…all of it!
My brother graduated from high school in 2020 too, and I am so looking forward to traveling in a few weeks to see him graduate from college! I graduated from grad school, my sister graduated from undergrad, and he graduated from high school in 2020, and it was hard to not be able to celebrate together, so I'm very excited to get to celebrate this milestone with him!
Spring! Green shoots everywhere. Little grape hyacinths. Peonies rising up. Hydrangea leaves unfurling. Lilacs budding.
Lilacs. They were my mom's favorite. <3
Mine too
Yes! Especially as a week ago we got a foot of snow. Now it is green grass, crocuses and daffodils. Lilacs are beginning to bud and my gigantic and surprisingly hardy delphinium are getting started.
I just filed separately from my ex for the first time and am so excited to be getting rid of him and his messy finances! And though I'm now totally broke from the taxes (I'm self-employed), I'm happy, independent, and my kid is doing better than ever!
The simple joys of taking one step and one day at a time! Been there done that and I’m cheering for you and your kiddo! 🙌🙌
My good thing (related to the topics here discussed) is that our girls' soccer uniforms (kits) sponsorship project is in its third year. In 2024 we will donate a total of 255 high-quality colorful uniforms for 12 different teams here in Venezuela, for girls and young women from 11 to 24 years of age (U13, U15, U17, U20 and 2nd Division). Next year we hope to grow more.
I'm 54 and starting my life over. Ended my 30-odd-year relationship and I'm waiting for the final divorce decree in late summer. I'm back in school, chasing an MA in something that's a cross between being a sex therapist, a storyteller, and a counselor. Uncertain of that title, but I'm sticking with what I know makes me happy. Menopausal fog makes the schoolwork absolute hell for most days, but I keep fighting my way through it. Naysayers be damned. Trying to help my 20-year-old daughter get through junior college, but it's very hard. She's ASD/ADHD and every day is a new experience. Like so many, I'm just struggling to get by and not set fire to the current political settings. I'm glad to be here though, and I hope to find a solid job after years of being a stay-at-home parent. One bite at a time, I figure. Thank you all for being here.
I have a friend with similar interests who just went back and got her social work degree to do sex therapy with seniors and she just completed her degree despite the perimenopausal brain fog. You can do it!
Woo hoo! 🙌
OK, so this is really quite selfish but it has been my existence the last four years of my life. In March of 2020 I found out that a man who sexually abused me as a young teenager was a pediatric orthopedic surgeon in West Des Moines. Covid hit. I lost my shit. (see what I did there!)
Fast forward, I filed a complaint with the the Iowa Board of Medicine. They did nothing. Correct - nothing. I got on my big girl panties and went very public with my story - Lyz and I connected and she wrote a story about it. (Thank you!) I shared on FB, Twitter, TV, newspaper, anyone who would listen. I wrote well over 200 letters, I drove myself crazy trying to get him away from kids. The good news is that I literally ran him out of business as facilities refused to let him admit patients, insurance companies pulled their coverage, patients quit showing up and he "retired" in May of 2023. The very sad news is that he abused an eight year old child in June of 2023. He has been in jail since June, he was denied the chance to have his $1 million bail lowered, and in February 2024 he was FOUND GUILTY (AGAIN).
For me.... last Friday.... I drove four hours to Des Moines and watched him stipulate to his prior conviction with me. He had to say "YES, I did that" to the judge over and over and over. He is now facing enhanced sentencing because HE IS A REPEAT OFFENDER. He will die in prison.
I have about $25,000+ in legal fees, postage, copying, etc. etc. and as a good friend said to me, "You don't ever have to give a dime to charity again. You have done more good by getting that scum bag off the streets." I'm good with that.
I am stubborn. I am persistent. I am tough. I was recently given a t-shirt.... "Fu(k around, Find out."
Thanks for letting me share and vent. I am experiencing some slow, cautious level of closure. Finally.
it is not selfish to celebrate your persistence! who knows how many kids will be safer now because of your actions. I hope you get lots of recognition & support from your loved ones for you bravery! and that you get to enjoy some rest after a long fight.
I remember your story and your tenacity is astounding. Taylor Swift will need a new lyric for "Karma" to honor your persistence in seeking justice.
I remember reading your story and I'm so proud of the work you did to protect your community. All the hugs, I hope you are now able to live in peace and joy <3
I gave my Mom a copy of you book and she liked it/agreed with it. Through the election and the pandemic my parents have changed, not for the better IMO. But hearing her say that about your book gives me hope that maybe she's not completely gone.
I'm starting a new business. The kids these days would call it a side hustle. It's going well, the responses have been positive. Gives me hope that I was right and maybe this could be a thing long-term.
Someone I haven't spoken to in over 8 years reached out over the weekend and said nice things and made me think maybe I'm not such a terrible person after all if after all this time, I'm still on someone's mind and I had a positive impact on their life. Gives em hope that maybe I didn't get it all wrong.
Thank you for sharing this landmark improvement. For every assaultee there’s a bit of a vicarious thrill to seeing it.
I'm pretty sure I'll be invited to a job interview soon. I was very on the fence about applying because I generally like my current job and would feel guilt about leaving it. But so many things that have happened at work in the 4 weeks since the application deadline have helped me confirm that I am as underappreciated as I feel. Hoping for their sake that my work is as important as they feel it is, and not as important as I feel it is.
Just got the invitation in my e-mail!
I had the good fortune to attend a children's music festival on the weekend because my daughter's school choir was participating. The finale was all the choirs coming together to perform a final number. Nothing cleanses your soul of discouragement annd cynicism quite like the voices of 850 kids singing Why We Sing.
Awesome! Is there a link you can post?? 🗣️🗣️🎶🎵🎶
This is a week old, but still resonant. It was a beautiful day here in Vermont last Monday for the eclipse. We drove an hour north to Burlington for a longer totality interval (a little over 3 minutes, vs. about 1 minute). Before lunch we took a walk along the bike path next to Lake Champlain. People had claimed their spots with lawn chairs and blankets well before the 2:14 pm start. It was crowded by Vermont standards, but everyone was smiling and excited and friendly. Vermonters relished the beautiful spring atmosphere just days after a major snowfall. We watched the eclipse from our son's neighbor's yard, and heard cheers at the beginning and end of totality from the lakeside park a few blocks away. We waited until after dinner to head south, but still found significant traffic. Approaching a side road, I could see the headlights of cars backed up for half a mile trying to turn on to the major road we were on. When we reached the intersection, it became clear that an alternating pattern of letting people on the main road had been established, even though the other road had a stop sign and we didn't. Somehow this made me feel better about humanity, at least in that moment.
Ha - I was one of those cheering in the park with my daughters. It was an amazing experience, even with the 7-hr drive home (usually an easy 3 to Burlington!)!
This week I got to write recommendations for 4 of my 9 employees to get promoted. I have a great team!
My magnolia tree is in full bloom and I caught a salmon in Lake Michigan yesterday. Also, yesterday I got to play with four of my seven grandkids.
my good things: i have a couple: getting ready to go to an interview for the assistant director position in the writing center of the university where i am getting my MA in english lit. i will graduate next year, 30 years after i received my BA from the same uni. i will be 68. to those who are going thru life changes later in life, doors closing and opening and all that. look around for the opportunities to do the things you always wished you had time for. do them now. ps: thanks for opening this up for free. maybe when/if i’m hired i can get a subscription, wish me luck!
Happy for finding joy on a new path in later life. After retiring from a 40-year career in corporate communications, I followed my heart and went to seminary. I graduated at age 68 and was ordained a priest in the Episcopal Church. I happily served a small congregation in rural Kansas for two years, then returned with my husband to MA (near our daughter and her family). Now I fill in for mostly small churches whose clergy are absent. These people are always so kind and welcoming. They fill my 79-year-old heart with gladness!
Also, very happy for spring! Chirping birds, including a pair of mourning doves that are nesting on the support beam under my deck. Budding lilac and hydrangea. Blooming daffodils and grape hyacinths. Yay, spring!
what a lovely journey. thank you for sharing.
You’re positively right: do them now.
At about the same age, it’s been fun to realize that even if something I was passionate about got put on a back burner, I can pick up where I left off. Art! Couture! Venetian obsession…
Hope you nail your interview!
I’ve been thinking that one part of my retirement plan is to get an MFA in Creative Writing!
do it!
I’m a single mom caring for my adult daughter with disabilities. I’m fortunate she’s in a program that pays me to be her 24/7 care provider. 💖 I moved to a new state that allows me to also work my side hack! For the first time in 10 years I’m getting an unexpected tax return! 💵This will be nice in my savings for a cushion either for a rainy day or for serendipity 🥳 to bring us some joy!
Only 5 more days and I'll be on a much-needed vacation with my favorite person (my husband)! We are driving to southern Arkansas and staying in a cute cottage on a lake and doing whatever we want for 10 days. I can't wait!
Its a beautifully sunny marathon Monday in Boston, and every year it thaws my seasonal depression to see so many people throwing their hearts and souls into the event
We lost our first pup in Dec 21 (he's in my little profile pic) and he was just the sweetest, best boy and it was so hard; my husband grieved for a long time (so did I, but in a different way).
But after time and healing and lots of talks, we brought home a new rescue pup on Friday and he is currently snoozing on the couch next to me and I love him so much.
My kids definitely give me hope. They're all Gen Z and Lyz is right, they do not pull punches and they see the world with realism.
Science gives me hope. A surgery I had 4 years ago has already changed a ton, with a much shorter recovery time. A friend had a cancerous tumor blasted away with some sort of nanoknife because it was sitting on an artery and they couldn't just excise it. So they blew holes in that fucker instead.
Gardening gives me hope. It's a perfect blend of optimism and realism. You hope things will grow and if they don't, you try again.
Art gives me hope. I think all the time about a tweet someone wrote about how during the dark times of early COVID, we all turned to art. I see writers working well into their 80s and beyond and hope that my mind and body cooperate so I can do the same.
1. Learning history - as screwed up as things are, a real true view of history shows they've always been pretty wacky and almost every "things were better back in the day" story is built on a mythological past.
2. My kids - the ease at which they accept a person's chosen gender and pronouns points towards a much better future. The rejection of "frat boy" culture that seemed ubiquitous to me in the 80's, the acceptance of drugs (now legal) but the choice not to use, rejection of conservative framing... it brings me such joy to know "the kids are alright". :)
3. I have as long a list of failings for the Biden administration as anyone (support for genocide, southern border insanity, inability to effect needed structural political changes, etc). But he's exceeded my expectations in willingness to spend government funds for economic production, supports labor, his labor secretary is awesome, inclusion of native folks in national resource leadership.
4. Spring. It comes every year, with all the new blooms, the birds singing, the clean wind and warm sunny days. The Earth's endless renewal puts all my petty human worries in perspective and I can shed my worries and bask in nature's re-awakening.
These things give me hope
I am in an accelerated 20 month RN program and the future of nursing is BIPOC multicultural GOODNESS. These kids (I'm 49) are aware and intelligent and open and really cool and I'd be happy to have 95% of them as my nurse. The kids are all right.
I love this topic & the thought behind it ❤️ a thing that gives me hope today is that there are so many people who care so deeply about changing the world for the better.
All the comments about bees and flowers here make me so happy!
Greetings to all you fine people! Wasn't gonna share, but maybe someone can get hope from my experience. I find hope in psych meds. It took years to get one of my (now late 30s) children stabilized on psych meds- she used alcohol to self-medicate prior to that, and a nurse in the ER told me, "YOU are the sick one cuz you keep bringing her in." (*Yah, that really happened.) "You need to let her go and reach bottom." I blurted, "You mean, like, let her die?" (Yep, F*** that b***.) so FWIW...PS Thank you for letting non-subscribers in today- I appreciate your generosity!
What a horrible horrible thing to say. I am so sorry that happened. Finding the right psych meds can be such a challenge and life changing. and I’m so glad your daughter AND you.
I saw a couple of bees buzzing around my lupin yesterday-it has no flowers yet. There are dandelions and flowering fruit trees for them to feast on in the meantime. It gives me hope to see bees this early!
This is a weird hopeful thing, but after a life of trying to never fail and achieve and be there for everyone and do the right thing for everyone, I realize it's okay to not be good at something. Nobody is good at everything & that's okay. I always thought I'd be great at dealing with all the paperwork and crap after a death . . . Turns out that I am NOT, and that is okay. Sadness I can handle but all the GUNK (I believe that's the medical term) of grief has done a number on me. Still okay!
This is a similarly weird thing to be hopeful about, but this weekend my uncle finally signed a will. He's in his 80's and in poor health. His wife recently died without a will and he unwittingly inherited a good bit of her family's property, and since they have no children, my father is now set to inherit it. Everyone (other than my uncle) was very worried about this as it has tax implications for us and it breaks up a farm that's been in my aunt's family since the 1800s.
My people. Write wills. Review and update them every few years. Do not assume your spouse will outlive you. Do not assume your kids will "honor your wishes". Do not assume your kids even *know* your wishes. Find a family lawyer, write a dang will.
Yeeeees! My beloved sister died last year and had not updated her will since her divorce 14 years ago. Of course her (ex) husband was beneficiary. State law does delete him from the will since they divorced, but still. At least I was beneficiary of life insurance & I know it goes to her kids. We thought we'd have more time with her to work this stuff out (and she did too!).
My friend actually just became executor of her ex-husband's estate because he hadn't updated the will since the divorce 8 years ago. They have adult children together who would have inherited otherwise, but his siblings and girlfriend are still very upset that his ex is handling the business. Of course, she'd also rather not be doing her ex's admin for him, particularly as she lives 500 miles away, but here we are.
My ex boyfriend died and I was still beneficiary on his life insurance...after 7 years. After consulting an attorney and tax experts, I retained enough $$ to cover any negative repercussions (AND the funds he owed me - had a signed promissory note that I didn't ever expect to be repaid on) and gave the rest of the funds to his brother for the nephews. They were very happy that I didn't just keep it.
Some states will let you waive the "right" of being administrator / executor.... She might consult an attorney in said state that specializes in estates. A sister died in DC 4ish years ago - she had co-executors - DC licensed attorney recommended 1 executor resign (in writing) and she did. Thankfully! Co-executors, at least in DC, make much more work! Both have to sign off on everything. So glad we avoided that
Yes! Yes! and yes! Glad you posted this Abigayle! Lyz, maybe you could do a column & ask people to respond if they have a recent will & other important factors??? Guardian for minor age children - if both parents might die, pet guardian - my family would send my pets to the Humane Society, etc.... . Find a good attorney to write your will & then review it every 3 to 5 years.
Yeah, that would be a good thread topic. There's a lot to know about a topic most of us would prefer not to think about. And a lot of family drama trying to settle affairs through a fog of grief. The best situation is that the will is both very clear and not a surprise to anyone.
Ugh, same! The number of times I've shown up to a bank or court house with *almost* the correct paperwork is demoralizing. But you're right, it is okay. May we never get so much practice that we're good at it.
I took up rowing (on the water! it was terrifying!) in 2022 and it has made me SO MUCH BETTER at being bad at things! I hope you continue to feel the freedom of not needing to be perfect. <3
This is a small moment of joy, but we took my dad to a Cubs vs. Mariners game in Seattle this weekend. He grew up in Chicago going to the games, but hasn't been to one since 1985. It felt awesome to be able to treat him to a nice experience after all he's done for us as an incredible dad – plus the Cubbies won!!
PS – Lyz, he's excited to read your books, especially GOD LAND!
Well - mine isn't inspirational but I'm happy. I got a new top-loader washing machine on clearance yesterday so the beast of a front loader that leaves clothes smelling mildewy is out the door tomorrow. That, and I'm getting things together to order a ring designed by the guy from Bend that you featured a few weeks ago. He was really great, and I think I'm going to have a ring that means a lot.
My seed starter trays that are sitting in the sun on our harvest room table. They should start sprouting any day now, and I can't wait to get them into our flower and vegetable gardens. The hummingbird & oriole feeders that are ready to be filled in the basement. And my brother getting fired from his job. While he could experience a difficult time securing employment due to physical obstacles, knowing he is out of that toxic environment, where he was treated horribly for nearly 28 years, makes me feel hopeful that he’ll find something where he is appreciated for the amazing guy he is.
He is likely eligible for unemployment benefits, and most states also help with job searching.
I went on my first date post-divorce. It was nice but I decided this person wasn't right for me. Old me would have taken the B- date and said there is enough to work with. That I can turn this into an A with a bit of effort. But I don't need to I can wait for my A date, who will be better suited to me anyway. I owe this to you, Lyz. Thank you!
my win sounds bleak but feels really nice: I'm finally feeling accepting and ready to move on over an estrangement from my family of origin. it's been a few very painful years but another recent loss really helped me realize that I no longer want to go back to how things were, when I had to make myself small and endure emotional abuse, just to say that I had "good" relationships with my parents and only sibling. it feels like I can really embrace what's next for me and bid them adieu in my heart.
Can't say I 'like' this but I understand. I am decades estranged from my parents/relatives (I refuse to call them family, they never acted like it). It wasn't my first choice it was my last choice, and it ultimately saved my life. You are not alone, we are out here rooting for you 💗
thank you!
I work for an environmental advocacy org. For a long time, there was hardly any hope to be had from work in climate change. But recently, some cool scientific advances have been made that will make it much more likely that we can address carbon and methane in a meaningful way. That gives me so much hope. Also ... young people. This next generation of 20+ year olds are the most fired up generation I've seen in my 30 years of climate work. They're not going to half-ass their advocacy and cave to compromises that render them powerless. I'm grateful, hopeful and here to do whatever they need to be successful.
dogs. and whoever said "DOG is just GOD spelled backwards."
oh, also everyone here today! so uplifting to be part of a supportive community.
Sweet!