Liz, I really, really like your tone of voice. How many of us females have been cautioned (or threatened) by men about our tone of voice? Thank you. Very. Much.
Update: that was really great - up through and including that amazing benediction. I especially appreciated how it felt more like a conversation than an interview. It was about the guest but you weren't just asking questions and letting her talk. You came through too. From experience, I know that is not easy to do well.
Um there are definitely gonna be episodes where you wish I would shut up more. And to that I will say, I wish I did too! But Season Two will be perfect. I'll learn how not to talk too much!
Gentle suggestion to include links to the podcast in the body of the post/email. I kept trying to figure out how to just go to the show on Apple from the email so that I could listen to it on my morning walk, and alas, (unless I'm completely missing it), there's no way to do that.
Advocating for those of us who have to block everything internet but email and podcasts after 9am so that we don't get derailed during our writing day. Lol!
Hi Theodora thanks for the suggestion. The podcast is launched here first for subscribers (a perk of being a subscriber). It is then uploaded to Apple and Spotify and Stitcher later in the day as the RSS feed loads. As I note in the body of this newsletter, since this is the first episode it will be hosted here first while it uploads to the other apps. I cannot control how fast those apps upload so just sit tight. But it is already up on Apple and the link is in the right side of the post or right here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/this-american-ex-wife-the-podcast/id1720174738
Darnit! I was afraid there was some aspect I was misreading in my eagerness to get to the podcast. Thanks so much for clarifying. Normally, I would delete the comment because I'm in the wrong. But I'll leave it and your reply for anyone else suffering from the same confusion. Thanks!
Yay! Can't wait to listen. I have had a LOT of conversations with friends who were in abusive, violent marriages who divorced and still suffered because their exes used the process to abuse them further. If you didn't already cover that I have some people you could interview for season 2.
Thank you. 20 years in the rear view mirror. This summer, he told my eldest daughter he was ready to be "the best ex ever." I told her he would need to die for that.
I got to that milestone in 2013. Have just reached the point where I have been with my husband longer than my ex--needless to say, he is a very different guy.
Just a few months after the divorce was final, he was making plans to marry his soon-to-be next wife. He reached out to ask that I let the kids attend the wedding, because he picked a date that was during their time with me. I politely asked him to pick another date. He doubled down and demanded that I let the kids be there. I politely repeated myself. He copied and pasted a few paragraphs from the divorce decree, insisting that it meant I had to give in to his demands. I politely disagreed, imagining his temper tantrum that I no longer had to witness in person and thinking, you go right ahead and take that to the judge. Good luck with that. The system had worked for him all that time, and I'm sure he was frustrated as hell that he couldn't still use it as a weapon against me.
Your multi-media empire grows with each passing day -- so great!
One of my previous lives was a brief career in radio. I've listened to some radio shows and podcasts since then. Everyone likes things the way they like them -- for me, hosted programs are just right when the host gives their guest(s) some room to be themselves. Why invite them on-air, if not? The host's sensibilities shine through in that sweet spot of lively exchange. That balance was very enjoyable to hear today, Lyz. Well done. Also, awesome guest! That always helps.
I just got back from walking my dog and listening to the first episode and it is so good. The effort and care that you and Zach put into making it shines right through and I am eager to hear episode 2 next week. Allison is an excellent first guest and I appreciated how thoughtful and funny she was. Her idea about marketing her services at a wedding expo cracked me up and now I hope you both go halfsies on a booth to promote your book and her practice.
Or, more specific to your book cover, something flambe? Bananas Foster might be too on the nose -- or just on the nose enough. This is an all-ages substack, of course.
On my phone the email link opens up the substack app for reading newsletter posts and the transcript drop-down doesn't appear in the substack app (or within the e-mail) for me. When I visit the link from a computer, I can see the transcript drop-down thing.
If that link gets your phone to open the substack app, another workaround is to open the web browser on your phone (chrome or safari most likely) and enter lyz.substack.com in the address bar and click on the most recent post, which should have the transcript drop-down at the top.
Thanks Beau and Lyz! No transcript link in the substack app on my iphone or ipad. Opening the post via the email on my computer did get me to the dropdown box for transcript. FYI for anyone else looking for it!
My mom's parents had this amazing marriage. Mom says it was almost a disservice to their children, as they never saw fights or tension, and it was really harmonious and loving. (I knew my grandparents, and it was true.) She said, "I thought marriage was easy." She found out at some point after marrying my dad at 19 that it wasn't.
Grandma used to tell us after seeing her parents that she wasn't planning on getting married. And her advice was, "Only get married if you can't live without him."
Listening to the podcast today reminded me of the most awkward birthday I ever had. It was celebrated in the basement of the house I grew up in because the upstairs was in the middle of the remodel, and my parents' divorce magnified the major communication issues that were clearly a part of why the split was happening. My mom had already moved out, but we had all gathered for my birthday. My girlfriend (now spouse) was there as well. During the celebration, I was handed an envelope from my dad. It contained the title to one of the Corvettes he owned (a 1972 Stingray Coupe) and my brother was handed a envelope containing the title for the other one (a 1975 Coupe). The point being that if dad gifted the cars away, they wouldn't be part of the settlement for the divorce.
My young brain was a mix of super cool car yet very awkward situation. The pettiness behind the gift tainted it, and to do it publicly as he did made it very easy to part with when I sold it 10 years later.
Yay! Just downloaded! As someone who got divorced nearly two years ago, when people ask me about it, what I most often share is the number of women who sat across from me and said, "you're so brave," and then tell me how miserable they were in their marriage. I was the first person they had ever told, and I remain shocked at the number of women who divulged this once I became unmarried.
I just listened to episode one and I want episode two!!! asap I loved it It was wonderful, BTW my second husband and I have been married for 48 years, second marriage for me, first for him, best thing I ever did was divorce first husband,. We hold hands when we watch tv, and say I love you every day,
He didn't bury the gold because he didn't have any. I was always the one with financial savvy and discipline. He was a Vietnam Veteran with PTSD, alcoholic dry drunk abuser of everything but booze, and I was the typical household manager of food, toilet paper, and cleanliness.
We knew each other for ten years before we started dating in the midst of his divorce. Ladies, let that man blow in the breeze for a bit before you let your hormones do the driving, because if I'd known him better? Bed buds but no partnership.
Bless him, he developed dementia, but not to the point where I could get guardianship. However, we did seem to be in accord that getting the hell out of Texas (literally y'all) was The Thing to Define Our Retirement.
Enter Costa Rica. Me, doing all the research, setting up the shipping container, going down to find us a rental house, him on board the whole way. But the day I signed a three year lease he filed for divorce. Sopreso!!! After months of winnowing possessions and monetizing Stuff...
That wasn't enough. Eight days before we were to close on the sale of the house, he dies. We are not divorce, but the title company determines his relatives - the ones we didn't see for 14 years - might have an interest in the house.
So I'm living in CR, happy, but have a probate case ongoing as his niece, nephew, and half brother fight for part of the house I paid off. Yup.
Ladies, unless you are raising kids, marriage isn't all that. I would be a millionaire but for what my crotch drove me into. Sixteen years and I will have little if anything to show for it. I had the gold, I shared it, and now in my retirement I wish I had not.
Liz, I really, really like your tone of voice. How many of us females have been cautioned (or threatened) by men about our tone of voice? Thank you. Very. Much.
Sorry, let me be more specific; your written tone of voice. I will check out your podcasts for the unwritten tone.
I'm really looking forward to listening.
Update: that was really great - up through and including that amazing benediction. I especially appreciated how it felt more like a conversation than an interview. It was about the guest but you weren't just asking questions and letting her talk. You came through too. From experience, I know that is not easy to do well.
Um there are definitely gonna be episodes where you wish I would shut up more. And to that I will say, I wish I did too! But Season Two will be perfect. I'll learn how not to talk too much!
When will this be up on Apple Podcasts? I did a search and couldn't find it.
In the notes I put a little bit about this. Basically it takes a bit for the podcast apps to pick up the feed but hopefully by the end of the day!
Showing up for me now! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/this-american-ex-wife-the-podcast/id1720174738
Yes, I searched and added this morning. Listened on my walk and loved it.
Everyone : leave a review, simple to do and it will help.
Yes! I didn't realize how important it was until today and I just went and rated all my fave podcasts!
Yay! 🎉
Gentle suggestion to include links to the podcast in the body of the post/email. I kept trying to figure out how to just go to the show on Apple from the email so that I could listen to it on my morning walk, and alas, (unless I'm completely missing it), there's no way to do that.
Advocating for those of us who have to block everything internet but email and podcasts after 9am so that we don't get derailed during our writing day. Lol!
Hi Theodora thanks for the suggestion. The podcast is launched here first for subscribers (a perk of being a subscriber). It is then uploaded to Apple and Spotify and Stitcher later in the day as the RSS feed loads. As I note in the body of this newsletter, since this is the first episode it will be hosted here first while it uploads to the other apps. I cannot control how fast those apps upload so just sit tight. But it is already up on Apple and the link is in the right side of the post or right here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/this-american-ex-wife-the-podcast/id1720174738
Darnit! I was afraid there was some aspect I was misreading in my eagerness to get to the podcast. Thanks so much for clarifying. Normally, I would delete the comment because I'm in the wrong. But I'll leave it and your reply for anyone else suffering from the same confusion. Thanks!
Congratulations! Sounds great!
Yay! Can't wait to listen. I have had a LOT of conversations with friends who were in abusive, violent marriages who divorced and still suffered because their exes used the process to abuse them further. If you didn't already cover that I have some people you could interview for season 2.
🙋🏻♀️ I remember quite clearly saying to my therapist that he was using the process to do by proxy what he could no longer do in person.
yes - and I'm sorry you have gone through this. Or are going through it.
Thank you. 20 years in the rear view mirror. This summer, he told my eldest daughter he was ready to be "the best ex ever." I told her he would need to die for that.
23 years. This year I reached the ‘ divorced as long as I was married’ status. 💯 with you on sentiment in last line.
I got to that milestone in 2013. Have just reached the point where I have been with my husband longer than my ex--needless to say, he is a very different guy.
Just a few months after the divorce was final, he was making plans to marry his soon-to-be next wife. He reached out to ask that I let the kids attend the wedding, because he picked a date that was during their time with me. I politely asked him to pick another date. He doubled down and demanded that I let the kids be there. I politely repeated myself. He copied and pasted a few paragraphs from the divorce decree, insisting that it meant I had to give in to his demands. I politely disagreed, imagining his temper tantrum that I no longer had to witness in person and thinking, you go right ahead and take that to the judge. Good luck with that. The system had worked for him all that time, and I'm sure he was frustrated as hell that he couldn't still use it as a weapon against me.
It's not common for courts to be sympathetic - and good for you not having to witness first hand any more.
Your multi-media empire grows with each passing day -- so great!
One of my previous lives was a brief career in radio. I've listened to some radio shows and podcasts since then. Everyone likes things the way they like them -- for me, hosted programs are just right when the host gives their guest(s) some room to be themselves. Why invite them on-air, if not? The host's sensibilities shine through in that sweet spot of lively exchange. That balance was very enjoyable to hear today, Lyz. Well done. Also, awesome guest! That always helps.
Cannot wait to listen to this! Congratulations, Lyz and Zachary!
I just got back from walking my dog and listening to the first episode and it is so good. The effort and care that you and Zach put into making it shines right through and I am eager to hear episode 2 next week. Allison is an excellent first guest and I appreciated how thoughtful and funny she was. Her idea about marketing her services at a wedding expo cracked me up and now I hope you both go halfsies on a booth to promote your book and her practice.
Re: booth, affirmative. Would solicit / would tell a friend.
The "put TAEW on your wedding registry" challenge!
Lyz-heads, help us pair this booth with the proper cake. Something black, maybe...?
Black forest cake? Because women just want to live in darkness in the forest with their dogs and cake
Order up!
Or, more specific to your book cover, something flambe? Bananas Foster might be too on the nose -- or just on the nose enough. This is an all-ages substack, of course.
Yes, please!
I can't figure out the "drop down box above" to read the transcript. Is this in the substack app? The email? Not a podcast listener, unfortunately.
There is a small box that reads transcript and it’s right beneath the author by line. If you email me ECLenz @Gmail, I can send a screenshot.
On my phone the email link opens up the substack app for reading newsletter posts and the transcript drop-down doesn't appear in the substack app (or within the e-mail) for me. When I visit the link from a computer, I can see the transcript drop-down thing.
This link might work to get it to open in a web browser on your phone (vs. the Substack app). https://lyz.substack.com/p/the-one-where-he-buries-the-gold
If that link gets your phone to open the substack app, another workaround is to open the web browser on your phone (chrome or safari most likely) and enter lyz.substack.com in the address bar and click on the most recent post, which should have the transcript drop-down at the top.
Thanks Beau and Lyz! No transcript link in the substack app on my iphone or ipad. Opening the post via the email on my computer did get me to the dropdown box for transcript. FYI for anyone else looking for it!
Oh that's so annoying. I'll see if I can make it more accessible for the second episode.
The link you shared worked for me, thank you for sharing it!
My mom's parents had this amazing marriage. Mom says it was almost a disservice to their children, as they never saw fights or tension, and it was really harmonious and loving. (I knew my grandparents, and it was true.) She said, "I thought marriage was easy." She found out at some point after marrying my dad at 19 that it wasn't.
Grandma used to tell us after seeing her parents that she wasn't planning on getting married. And her advice was, "Only get married if you can't live without him."
Listening to the podcast today reminded me of the most awkward birthday I ever had. It was celebrated in the basement of the house I grew up in because the upstairs was in the middle of the remodel, and my parents' divorce magnified the major communication issues that were clearly a part of why the split was happening. My mom had already moved out, but we had all gathered for my birthday. My girlfriend (now spouse) was there as well. During the celebration, I was handed an envelope from my dad. It contained the title to one of the Corvettes he owned (a 1972 Stingray Coupe) and my brother was handed a envelope containing the title for the other one (a 1975 Coupe). The point being that if dad gifted the cars away, they wouldn't be part of the settlement for the divorce.
My young brain was a mix of super cool car yet very awkward situation. The pettiness behind the gift tainted it, and to do it publicly as he did made it very easy to part with when I sold it 10 years later.
OH MY GOD. DAD!!! I bet he thought he was so clever and I hope you got a solid amount of money for that car.
I did well enough to clear the outstanding debt from grad school for the both of us.
I have more stories Lyz.
kinda pissed you are just now telling me you have stories! WHEN YOU COULDA BEEN TELLING STORIES IN THE VAN DURING RELAY IOWA!
Yay! Just downloaded! As someone who got divorced nearly two years ago, when people ask me about it, what I most often share is the number of women who sat across from me and said, "you're so brave," and then tell me how miserable they were in their marriage. I was the first person they had ever told, and I remain shocked at the number of women who divulged this once I became unmarried.
We need a club.
The things we've heard!
THIS IS WHY I INCLUDED THESE ANONYMOUS STORIES IN THE PODCASTS! I can't wait for you to hear the reader email episodes.
What's the podcast schedule? Is it once a week?
I just listened to episode one and I want episode two!!! asap I loved it It was wonderful, BTW my second husband and I have been married for 48 years, second marriage for me, first for him, best thing I ever did was divorce first husband,. We hold hands when we watch tv, and say I love you every day,
He didn't bury the gold because he didn't have any. I was always the one with financial savvy and discipline. He was a Vietnam Veteran with PTSD, alcoholic dry drunk abuser of everything but booze, and I was the typical household manager of food, toilet paper, and cleanliness.
We knew each other for ten years before we started dating in the midst of his divorce. Ladies, let that man blow in the breeze for a bit before you let your hormones do the driving, because if I'd known him better? Bed buds but no partnership.
Bless him, he developed dementia, but not to the point where I could get guardianship. However, we did seem to be in accord that getting the hell out of Texas (literally y'all) was The Thing to Define Our Retirement.
Enter Costa Rica. Me, doing all the research, setting up the shipping container, going down to find us a rental house, him on board the whole way. But the day I signed a three year lease he filed for divorce. Sopreso!!! After months of winnowing possessions and monetizing Stuff...
That wasn't enough. Eight days before we were to close on the sale of the house, he dies. We are not divorce, but the title company determines his relatives - the ones we didn't see for 14 years - might have an interest in the house.
So I'm living in CR, happy, but have a probate case ongoing as his niece, nephew, and half brother fight for part of the house I paid off. Yup.
Ladies, unless you are raising kids, marriage isn't all that. I would be a millionaire but for what my crotch drove me into. Sixteen years and I will have little if anything to show for it. I had the gold, I shared it, and now in my retirement I wish I had not.
God's teeth it's hard to be a woman.