I was once a teenage boy who went on dates with girls and attended dances with girls and I am glad that I never encountered this. With the full acknowledgment that the impacts are not equally distributed, I really hate the message that "prom dads" send to boys as much as I hate the message it sends to girls. The patriarchy is a prison for us all.
I remember my ex-husband making that joke about cleaning his guns on the porch when suitors came. I told him, Unless you’re planning on going with her you realize the threat stays here when she leaves? You’d be better off teaching her to shoot so the threat travels with her wherever she goes.
To be clear, I never wanted my kids to own or use guns. But the moment when he realized, Oh! This isn’t about me? And my kid is under threat everywhere she goes?? Well, damn. That moment was pretty priceless. Freakin’ dumbass.
Is the Dad/daughter prom trend over yet? That was skin-crawling creepy. Also, a cop once told me that the exaggerated daughter-protecting father was often the abuser.
Yikes. As a lawyer, I had a lot of divorce cases,but never had one spouse claiming reimbursement for contributions to another’s brain. With respect to your struggles, I am relieved you got rid of him.
I read part of your post to my husband (ahem, Father of (ostensibly grown) Daughters), and he said, “...and how many white women are being sacrificed for white babies?” He’s right, of course. They pretend to protect White Womanhood until the seal is broken; then all bets are off.
Every time I think of my challenges as a man getting divorced from a woman who I felt was making outrageous demands, someone drops a nugget like "My ex husband wanted $10k for making my brain good" and I remember how easy I have it.
A thing that always bothered me about the stupid "I'll be cleaning my gun" trope is how low it sets the bar for good fathering. Like, threatening your child's peers is in no way fulfilling your responsibilities as a parent, but there aren't a lot of other models of parenting as a man. So much parenting is portrayed as "mom" work which is kind of how you end up with moms doing all the heavy lifting and dad's just toting a gun I guess?
WHEN DID THIS BECOME A THING? Back in the good old days when I was a midwestern girl of prom-going age (1980s) there were no dad-got-his-gun jokes. Ok, there was also no internet so nowhere to spread tasteless photos. But this was not even a joke. Ugh. So glad I live now in Switzerland where young guys doing their military service travel on the train wearing their semi-automatics BUT WE DON’T SHOOT EACH OTHER.
Two things about the prom dad phenomenon have always troubled me. One is that if they are this concerned about how their teenage daughters are treated, I have a pretty clear and upsetting idea of how these men treated girls when they were teenagers.
Two, do these men not realize that teenage boys have parents who might not find it amusing if their sons are threatened at gunpoint? Because I live in Texas, I had to instruct my sons to inform me if anyone's parent ever threatened them directly or indirectly.
Prom dad behavior is toxic and corrosive on so many levels.
I was once a teenage boy who went on dates with girls and attended dances with girls and I am glad that I never encountered this. With the full acknowledgment that the impacts are not equally distributed, I really hate the message that "prom dads" send to boys as much as I hate the message it sends to girls. The patriarchy is a prison for us all.
I remember my ex-husband making that joke about cleaning his guns on the porch when suitors came. I told him, Unless you’re planning on going with her you realize the threat stays here when she leaves? You’d be better off teaching her to shoot so the threat travels with her wherever she goes.
To be clear, I never wanted my kids to own or use guns. But the moment when he realized, Oh! This isn’t about me? And my kid is under threat everywhere she goes?? Well, damn. That moment was pretty priceless. Freakin’ dumbass.
Once again Lyz wins the internet with her 3rd level alliteration: "Patriarchal entitlement over a woman’s body is pervasive as the pollen count. "
Is the Dad/daughter prom trend over yet? That was skin-crawling creepy. Also, a cop once told me that the exaggerated daughter-protecting father was often the abuser.
Fantastic!!
Love the bit about daddy’s girl and daddy’s princess. Of course, Mama’s boy is an insult...
Yikes. As a lawyer, I had a lot of divorce cases,but never had one spouse claiming reimbursement for contributions to another’s brain. With respect to your struggles, I am relieved you got rid of him.
I read part of your post to my husband (ahem, Father of (ostensibly grown) Daughters), and he said, “...and how many white women are being sacrificed for white babies?” He’s right, of course. They pretend to protect White Womanhood until the seal is broken; then all bets are off.
Every time I think of my challenges as a man getting divorced from a woman who I felt was making outrageous demands, someone drops a nugget like "My ex husband wanted $10k for making my brain good" and I remember how easy I have it.
A thing that always bothered me about the stupid "I'll be cleaning my gun" trope is how low it sets the bar for good fathering. Like, threatening your child's peers is in no way fulfilling your responsibilities as a parent, but there aren't a lot of other models of parenting as a man. So much parenting is portrayed as "mom" work which is kind of how you end up with moms doing all the heavy lifting and dad's just toting a gun I guess?
Lyz this is just so good...you never miss.
“Chicago has the gayest city council. “ Not quite. Salt Lake City’s city council has 4 LGBTQ members out of six. https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2021/11/salt-lake-citys-city-council-will-lgbtq-people-now/
WHEN DID THIS BECOME A THING? Back in the good old days when I was a midwestern girl of prom-going age (1980s) there were no dad-got-his-gun jokes. Ok, there was also no internet so nowhere to spread tasteless photos. But this was not even a joke. Ugh. So glad I live now in Switzerland where young guys doing their military service travel on the train wearing their semi-automatics BUT WE DON’T SHOOT EACH OTHER.
Two things about the prom dad phenomenon have always troubled me. One is that if they are this concerned about how their teenage daughters are treated, I have a pretty clear and upsetting idea of how these men treated girls when they were teenagers.
Two, do these men not realize that teenage boys have parents who might not find it amusing if their sons are threatened at gunpoint? Because I live in Texas, I had to instruct my sons to inform me if anyone's parent ever threatened them directly or indirectly.
Prom dad behavior is toxic and corrosive on so many levels.
Thank you for the shout out, Lyz!!!
CONTRIBUTIONS TO YOUR BRAIN WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK???????
Daniel Lavery is a national treasure.