65 Comments
Nov 17, 2023Liked by lyz

Totally with you on the going outside the bubble. I’ve got a river dividing my metro area and if I have to cross it (like to get to Costco) suddenly I’m preparing like I’m about trek the Oregon Trail. Do I have sufficient provisions? Enough water? What if I break an axle?

I will go 2 hrs in the other direction without pants.

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Okay, first of all, no one outside of a small town parading around with small city aspirations can understand the ferocity with which one can despise having to drive to the other side of town. I mean, there might be TRAFFIC on the way, and if I wanted to deal with traffic I would live in an actual city and clearly I DO NOT so anyone who suggests I should just "Drive over there. It's not far." can move to New York City or Chicago or Los Angeles. I will joyfully visit you, envy your plethora of restaurants that serve foods made by folks not born in these United States, then become totally over stimulated within 24 hours and happily return home.

When Markwayne Mullin was first elected to Congress, right around the time the Overstuffed Manbaby became president, I was writing about federal politics for an online outlet and I had to decline assignments because I could not for the life of me write about that playground bully in a tie with a straight face. I refused to take him seriously and I still refuse. What an absolute dumbass.

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This one line is worth the price of the sub:

"Sir, I know 7th-grade girls who could read you for filth."

Fucking GOLD!

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Nov 17, 2023Liked by lyz

I grew up south of a medium-sized city, and my dad would always complain about having to drive “way out north” for things (i.e., driving 25 minutes to a place instead of the normal 15). I didn’t get it then, but now I do. Why can’t things just be closer, dammit?

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On a local note, try telling someone in Marion to drive to the SW side of Cedar Rapids. It's like telling them to drive from Chicago to NYC.

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There's too much scathing joy in this one to call out a single phrase for praise. My gods, Lyz! Outdone yourself you did! Put your feet up and take a breather. Well earned.

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I’m awake way too early because I foolishly drank an iced tea on a wonderfully nice fall afternoon yesterday. So I’ll break the comment ice!

1. Markwayne looks like he’s about to tell me about his PRs at CrossFit.

2. That Reddit sub is incredible. Did you see the commenter who always finds a rose? They’re in every single thread.

3. “That’s too far” boundaries are super fascinating to me. When I lived in South Lake Tahoe, a town literally 5 miles end to end, it was a huge ordeal for friends to ever go to the opposite side of town. Here in Denver if I have to bike or scoot more than 15 minutes... meh.. probably not gonna happen. I’ve gotten so used to my little circle I don’t want to get out of, except for when I go ski. Visiting friends in Texas where they regularly drive 30-40 minutes all the time is exhausting. Wild how our brain makes “too far” boundaries and how they can change so much.

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Nov 17, 2023Liked by lyz

I feel you on not wanting to travel across town. I have a "bubble" and I have no idea what's going on in my city outside that bubble. No, I will not meet you at a hip bar 20 minutes away. It's outside my bubble. Really I just don't want to have to get on the highway. The highway is dead to me.

Thanks for alerting me to the existence of this subreddit, where I'm sure I'll waste plenty of time today while I wait for my work vacation to start.

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It's many decades in the future. I am lying near death in a hospital that provides free care at POS to all people. A nurse enters with a young man.

Nurse: "Look who's come to see you!"

Me, confused: "Good and Gather Jack Reacher?"

Nurse: "No, it's your grandson." To grandson, "He has more trouble towards the end of the day."

Grandson: "I understand. No Grandpop, it's me, your grandson Lyz."

Nurse: "That's an unusual name for a man."

Grandson: "My family is just big fans of SuperPresident Lyz Lenz, Slayer of Dingi, Savior of the Republic."

Me: "Lyz really knew how to make mulled wine, I tell you what."

Grandson: "Yes, yes, I'm sure you got her recipes from her legendary newsletter, from where she recruited her first disciples."

Me: "Am I going to see Good and Gather Jack Reacher?"

Nurse: "Yes, yes." Administers massive dose of morphine. "I'll leave you alone with him."

Grandson: "No, I'm good."

Me: dies

-fin-

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I grew up in Cedar Falls but lived in the DC metro for 26 years, so I have little patience for those who won't devote the requisite 2 hours to drive 8 miles for the 4 things you can't find at the Harris Teeter a quarter mile away.

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I just can't with Markwayne. I really took the exchange between him and O'Brian as almost sexual. I mean, two consenting adults? Do fighters say this? I'm not sure where "stand your butt up" falls with regard to sexual suggestions, but I imagine it exists in some universe of foreplay. I wish Bernie had told them to get a room after the hearing.

I love the Sampa video and I'm going to add it to my literature class where we look at Afrofuturism.

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I will never not laugh out loud at “the untalented Mr. Ripley.”

After living in the NJ suburbs for 30 years I’m acclimated to the possibility it might take an hour and a half to drive 25 miles. I hate it but I’m used to it. We’re driving to Marion for Christmas this year and I’m already looking forward to going to Donutland. Definitely worth the 1,000 mile drive. I’m not even kidding. Warm blueberry cake donut.

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OMG, thank you for sharing r/whatismycookiecutter

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As others have pointed out, the Santos grift might have worked out just fine for him if he had lost. No one closely scrutinizes the campaign finance reports of losing candidates. He may not have ever expected to win.

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MarkWayne (not to be confused with Bruce Wayne) should be the poster child for the dangers of brain injury in MMA.

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There is now avocado on my screen because it spit out my sandwich laughing at this: "In that instance, he was really giving Kirkland-brand John Wick vibes. A Good and Gather Jack Reacher. Less Suicide Squad and more Call the Manager and Threaten Them Squad."

I love Fridays.

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