"I'm constantly being told by women who are a few years older that this is the time when you become invisible. The shopkeeper doesn't address you and the taxi driver ignores you and you won't be noticeable to anyone anymore. And, so far it's been the literal exact opposite coming from men ranging from 25 and up. "
This is SO true! I'm a short woman, and I was also taught to be polite and demure and so I was invisible in my 20s and 30s because I acted invisible. I hit my 40th birthday and suddenly the place where I kept all my fucks sprang a leak.
And the funny thing is, after that, what was left was...confidence.
And that confidence was an anti-invisibility cloak. I was seen for the first time.
I Am Mostly Here to Enjoy Myself is going straight to the top of the TBR pile! What a great interview. Thanks!
I’m having a similar experience. I made myself so small in my 20s and 30s that my 40s have just been a renaissance of power and sexuality and maybe it will end who knows but also I’m enjoying every minute of it
I'm 55. I haven't really noticed becoming invisible due to age and none of my similarly aged friends have commented on it either. There was a brief period where I thought I was, but that was at the height of covid stress/perimenopause insomnia and I was tired AF, so I wasn't as confident/assertive as normal, and it has since stopped.
However, thin privilege is definitely a thing and it's annoying AF that people treat me better when I'm on the lower end of my weight range rather than the higher end. I've cycled up and down the range of small fat enough times to know that part is mostly due to bias rather than relative confidence levels.
Thank you both for this! Can't wait to read the book as I enjoy what I'm calling my villain era as a single woman whose kids have grown and flown.
Also, Lyz, this? "I was just so happy to make these choices without someone leaning over my shoulder criticizing and critiquing." I felt that sense of relief so hard. It took me almost a year after my divorce to purge the internalize running critique I'd absorbed during my marriage, courtesy of years of constant "feedback."
I can't imagine ever living like that again, and I feel sad that so many women feel like they have to.
Glynnis articulated this so well. But I feel like I walk through my life being like "I can do these things because I am free! So I should do them! Because I fought so hard to get here. And so many women fought so hard for me to get here!" And it never gets old that feeling of being so happy to choose to get the hamburger and not cook. To choose to ignore the laundry to go for a walk. To have fries and wine with friends until late in the evening. To be so briefly and gloriously free.
So wonderful. Can’t wait to read it. Both your comments on loneliness were spot on! Was so lonely during my marriage. And very, very happy leaving and recreating my life. I was 65 and married 30 years. Couldn’t even imagine in my wildest dreams that life could be so good. The only way it could get better is if I ate cheese every day.
Oh, yes, and I'll buy the book, once I've finished "More" A Memoir of Open Marriage" by Molly Roden Winter... Shoot, you're never to old to learn stuff...
I cannot wait to read this book and I hate that now I can never get anything new from a library for like a year. I LOVE the author's no nonsense energy. I wanted to highlight everything!
"Culturally, we do not reward women for untethering themselves. We punish them."
"My emotional maturity level at 25 is so different than 45. In that time, I was seven different people and I think men are not required to transform in any similar way."
"I think constantly about how every narrative and rule and reward women are offered is mostly a way to get them back inside the house in some way. Even riding bicycles."
"And any time someone is trying to shame you for your behavior, ask yourself who benefits from the shame that you are feeling."
I feel like this is true even for many married couples. My parents live in a small town and my dad has commented about couples who divorce bc the man has stayed the same post hs/college and the woman has maybe gotten a degree, a better job, kept up with the times, etc. and eventually they just don't have much in common. Or maybe even see the world in the same way.
"you not wanting to live your life like me is not a barrier for entry into a story."
This is so important! Why should we only read stories that reflect our own experiences with and understanding of the world? One of my favourite things about great writing--fiction or nonfiction--is its ability to transport me to another world without leaving home.
That is absolutely one of the best things about reading! I'm happily married to an amazing man, but I loved Lyz's book and can't wait to read Glynnis's book.
What a fanfuckingtastic interview!! This is salve to my 48yo, 7 years since separation, soul. YES!! I'm the most fulfilled, happy, engaged, enraged (but in a good way), curious, confidant, give-no-fucks, I've ever been!! I've become an abolitionist, anti-capitalist, anti-white supremacy, anti-"beauty" advocate; admittedly I was previously materialistic and overly concerned with my appearance based on the male gaze in my teens, 20's, and 30's. I could not be more content now; I continually "Swedish Death Clean", re-homing clothes, shoes, household goods, it's liberating AF. I lived on my own for 10yrs (my entire 20's) before I moved in with my ex, and I've blissfully lived alone since we separated, I don't think I'll ever live with a man again, ever! We absolutely need more women's stories on record about how fabulous life is at this stage of life!!
So much yes! I love this and it rings so true. I am 54, never felt sexier or freer and loving it. Also about to get on my bike to go to work and enjoying every orgasm.
It's about the women. I get it. And (not "but") there are some men who agree with what you think and write. We aren't trying to come to save you but we are absolutely going to vote, and we're going to vote to protect your rights. There is self-interest involved; after your rights they're coming for the rest of all of our rights and maybe democracy writ large. There, talking stick back over to the ladies.
I LOVED Glynnis's first book, "No One Tells You This." I am childless (not by choice), and recommend it all the time to my childless and childfree friends. I am looking forward to reading this one too! Thanks, Lyz & Glynnis, for a great conversation!
What a fabulous conversation! Thank you both. I am more than a little envious of Glynnis’ Parisian phase (mostly because at 46 I was mother of a five-year-old 😆), but since I’ve been anti-cyclical my entire life, I see no reason to rule out pleasure at any phase.
I am reading "I'm Mostly Here to Enjoy Myself" right now and it came into my life exactly when I needed it to. Highly recommend!
Such a wonderful interview, thoroughly enjoyed the dialogue!
"I'm constantly being told by women who are a few years older that this is the time when you become invisible. The shopkeeper doesn't address you and the taxi driver ignores you and you won't be noticeable to anyone anymore. And, so far it's been the literal exact opposite coming from men ranging from 25 and up. "
This is SO true! I'm a short woman, and I was also taught to be polite and demure and so I was invisible in my 20s and 30s because I acted invisible. I hit my 40th birthday and suddenly the place where I kept all my fucks sprang a leak.
And the funny thing is, after that, what was left was...confidence.
And that confidence was an anti-invisibility cloak. I was seen for the first time.
I Am Mostly Here to Enjoy Myself is going straight to the top of the TBR pile! What a great interview. Thanks!
I’m having a similar experience. I made myself so small in my 20s and 30s that my 40s have just been a renaissance of power and sexuality and maybe it will end who knows but also I’m enjoying every minute of it
I'm 55. I haven't really noticed becoming invisible due to age and none of my similarly aged friends have commented on it either. There was a brief period where I thought I was, but that was at the height of covid stress/perimenopause insomnia and I was tired AF, so I wasn't as confident/assertive as normal, and it has since stopped.
However, thin privilege is definitely a thing and it's annoying AF that people treat me better when I'm on the lower end of my weight range rather than the higher end. I've cycled up and down the range of small fat enough times to know that part is mostly due to bias rather than relative confidence levels.
Thank you both for this! Can't wait to read the book as I enjoy what I'm calling my villain era as a single woman whose kids have grown and flown.
Also, Lyz, this? "I was just so happy to make these choices without someone leaning over my shoulder criticizing and critiquing." I felt that sense of relief so hard. It took me almost a year after my divorce to purge the internalize running critique I'd absorbed during my marriage, courtesy of years of constant "feedback."
I can't imagine ever living like that again, and I feel sad that so many women feel like they have to.
100% agree with this! I will never again live like that!
Glynnis articulated this so well. But I feel like I walk through my life being like "I can do these things because I am free! So I should do them! Because I fought so hard to get here. And so many women fought so hard for me to get here!" And it never gets old that feeling of being so happy to choose to get the hamburger and not cook. To choose to ignore the laundry to go for a walk. To have fries and wine with friends until late in the evening. To be so briefly and gloriously free.
So wonderful. Can’t wait to read it. Both your comments on loneliness were spot on! Was so lonely during my marriage. And very, very happy leaving and recreating my life. I was 65 and married 30 years. Couldn’t even imagine in my wildest dreams that life could be so good. The only way it could get better is if I ate cheese every day.
What a wonderful read! Lots for this old man to think about. Thanks for this to both of you...
Oh, yes, and I'll buy the book, once I've finished "More" A Memoir of Open Marriage" by Molly Roden Winter... Shoot, you're never to old to learn stuff...
I read Roden Winter's book, and Lyz's, of course, and will now get hold of MacNicol's. Trying to keep myself in the asset column vs. a liability.
Haha!
I cannot wait to read this book and I hate that now I can never get anything new from a library for like a year. I LOVE the author's no nonsense energy. I wanted to highlight everything!
"Culturally, we do not reward women for untethering themselves. We punish them."
"My emotional maturity level at 25 is so different than 45. In that time, I was seven different people and I think men are not required to transform in any similar way."
"I think constantly about how every narrative and rule and reward women are offered is mostly a way to get them back inside the house in some way. Even riding bicycles."
"And any time someone is trying to shame you for your behavior, ask yourself who benefits from the shame that you are feeling."
I feel like this is true even for many married couples. My parents live in a small town and my dad has commented about couples who divorce bc the man has stayed the same post hs/college and the woman has maybe gotten a degree, a better job, kept up with the times, etc. and eventually they just don't have much in common. Or maybe even see the world in the same way.
"you not wanting to live your life like me is not a barrier for entry into a story."
This is so important! Why should we only read stories that reflect our own experiences with and understanding of the world? One of my favourite things about great writing--fiction or nonfiction--is its ability to transport me to another world without leaving home.
That is absolutely one of the best things about reading! I'm happily married to an amazing man, but I loved Lyz's book and can't wait to read Glynnis's book.
What a fanfuckingtastic interview!! This is salve to my 48yo, 7 years since separation, soul. YES!! I'm the most fulfilled, happy, engaged, enraged (but in a good way), curious, confidant, give-no-fucks, I've ever been!! I've become an abolitionist, anti-capitalist, anti-white supremacy, anti-"beauty" advocate; admittedly I was previously materialistic and overly concerned with my appearance based on the male gaze in my teens, 20's, and 30's. I could not be more content now; I continually "Swedish Death Clean", re-homing clothes, shoes, household goods, it's liberating AF. I lived on my own for 10yrs (my entire 20's) before I moved in with my ex, and I've blissfully lived alone since we separated, I don't think I'll ever live with a man again, ever! We absolutely need more women's stories on record about how fabulous life is at this stage of life!!
THANK YOU!! 🙌🏻 🥳 💙
So much yes! I love this and it rings so true. I am 54, never felt sexier or freer and loving it. Also about to get on my bike to go to work and enjoying every orgasm.
Just had the book delivered yesterday! Looking forward to it ( and my trip to France next spring).
It's about the women. I get it. And (not "but") there are some men who agree with what you think and write. We aren't trying to come to save you but we are absolutely going to vote, and we're going to vote to protect your rights. There is self-interest involved; after your rights they're coming for the rest of all of our rights and maybe democracy writ large. There, talking stick back over to the ladies.
I LOVED Glynnis's first book, "No One Tells You This." I am childless (not by choice), and recommend it all the time to my childless and childfree friends. I am looking forward to reading this one too! Thanks, Lyz & Glynnis, for a great conversation!
I just looked that up. Her first book sounds amazing as well.
What a fabulous conversation! Thank you both. I am more than a little envious of Glynnis’ Parisian phase (mostly because at 46 I was mother of a five-year-old 😆), but since I’ve been anti-cyclical my entire life, I see no reason to rule out pleasure at any phase.
“Without a Word” on The Mavericks’ new album “Moon and Stars” is the perfect soundtrack to this interview.
Go find it now and listen.
The only thing as sublime as Raul Malo’s voice is his songwriting skills.
😍 🔥