Dingus of the week: “A big beautiful bill”

I began writing the weekly dingus in 2020. It began as a joke, but eventually it became a reminder of the power of laughter. Jokes can reduce even the most exalted political figure to nothing more than a damp paper towel or an expensive haircut, if only for a moment.

It can feel trivial, but finding laughter in the fight is crucial for our survival; for that last shred of sanity that you are clinging to like Kate Winslet and her door in the icy waters of the North Atlantic.

And that’s why I write the weekly dingus. I hope the dingus newsletter will always be free. But I can’t make this newsletter without paying subscribers.

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Since taking office, the Trump administration has vowed to cut wasteful spending. In pursuit of this goal, the Department of Government Efficiency has fired park rangers; cut funding to the National Weather Service, forcing it to close offices; initiated layoffs at the severely understaffed FAA as air traffic control issues have led to deadly plane crashes; and dismantled USAID, which has already resulted in the deaths of children.

A bunch of kids are suffering from malnutrition, and government spending under Trump has increased by $200 billion over the same time period last year.

This week, the House passed a “spending cuts” bill. The bill promises to extend tax cuts for the wealthiest in America and passively kill off everyone else.

The bill would pile another $2.3 trillion onto the national debt over the next decade, according to a Congressional Budget Office estimate. It would also leave millions of people without health insurance and cut federal funding for food stamps by hundreds of billions of dollars.

Guys, I am beginning to think “money savings” means a little lite murder.

This is like if, in trying to balance the household budget, your dad proposed killing the weakest of your siblings. I mean sure, maybe you save some money on chicken nuggets, but the murder charges are going to cost more than that to fight in court.

This is the political equivalent of burning down your house to save money on your water bill. Hitting your dog with a car to spend less on dog food.

What if I cut off my feet to save money on shoes?

Did these dinguses read Jonathan Swift and think eating Irish babies was a good idea?

It’s a bill so full of bloated idiocy that it has its own gravitational pull. New dingus planets will now orbit around it. Look, there goes one now, and it’s just two homophobias in an ill-fitting suit and glasses.

Dingus of the week: It's gonna be Mike Johnson

President Infomercial is trying to save money with one easy hack, and it’s simply starving people and cutting them off from health care. Also, it’s kind of expensive.

Like what in the Ebenezer Scrooge are we doing here? What in the Jonathan Swift kind of hell are we up to?

Dingus Runner Up: AI

A lot of bad news about AI this week. But as a general reminder, if your product relies on stealing ideas and writing and art from human beings, then projectile-vomiting them back up, error-riddled and with no context, you don’t have a good product.

Dingus of the Week: Definitely Not the Microsoft Bot

And now for something good

The Nottoway Plantation in Louisiana burned to the ground, reportedly due to an electrical fire. And the memes about it are so good. And also, let it burn.

The Tesla protests are working. I REPEAT. TESLA PROTESTS ARE WORKING! And Elon Musk is very very mad.

Oklahoma cannot use state funds to form a religious charter school.

Lesbian moms in Italy won legal status through a court ruling that found that denying legal recognition to the non-biological mother violates the country’s constitution.

Good news! Doctors are finally being urged to take women’s pain seriously. What a time to be alive.

The FDA approved an at-home HPV test.

Iceland instituted a four-day work week, and NOTHING BAD HAPPENED.

Let’s sue some plastic companies.

Something I am enjoying

Twice now, I’ve made Hetty Lui McKinnon’s crispy gnocchi with feta and spinach to rave reviews. Even my dog Dolly, an Alaskan malamute and a noted hater of all things vegetable, scarfed the leftovers out of my bowl when I turned my back for just a second.

If you need something quick and easy to make this holiday weekend, I highly recommend it.

And weirdly enough, after watching a cooking show this week, I got crazy and made corn salad and put dill pickles in it and it was delicious. I did something similar to this recipe, although I skipped the onions and red pepper and just used chives and green onion from my garden. My kids have been asking me to make more of it.

ALSO this week I made a whiskey limeade. I mixed whiskey (I use Four Roses for mixed drinks, because it's high quality but not super expensive) with limeade and topped with ginger ale and garnished with mint, and it was delightful and refreshing. It made me feel like I should be drinking it on a porch with a big hat, surrounded by flowers, complaining about the heat, while I fanned myself.

A quick internet search reveals that I did not invent this drink. But I did drink it. And by the rules of the tech bros, that means I get full credit.

Finally, if you haven't gotten a little high and watched The Fugitive, I highly recommend it.

Have a lovely long weekend, American friends.