Sorry not sorry, but the absolute WORST Christmas song of all time, no contest, is "Wonderful Christmastime." I would give up ever listening to a Beatles' song again if it would make that song disappear from existence. TERRIBLE. Paul McCartney should be unknighted for it. I SAID WHAT I SAID!
I was coming here to write this, and I'm so happy that many agree. And it's on every Spotify Christmas playlist. Blech! It doesn't have colonialism or religious stupidity, but it makes up for it in its sheer earworm atrocity.
I would hazard to say that "The Christmas Shoes" is the worst Christmas song ever; why is this child spending his money on shoes for his dying mother? Ugh, the glurge. But also, on the subject of "Do They Know It's Christmas," um--yes? Because a lot of people in Africa, where they may in fact be in snow--it's a whole continent, you see--are Christians. Missionaries and colonialism made it so.
Couldn't agree more. Best question ever. Liz, don't know if you'd want to but you have an open invite to any gathering I host from now til the end of time.
Oh my gosh, YES!!! I actually wanted a hippo for Christmas when I was a little kid or, if Santa was out of hippos, a rhino or elephant. My dad asked my mom what the hell was wrong with me, why didn't I want a pony like every other kid.
Best Christmas song: Darlene Love's classic Christmas, Please Come Home.
I saw her live in NYC at a charity event on Monday. She's 82 years old, and her voice has lost none of its power. This is from ten years ago when she was only 72.
There is a point in my christmas music listening where I go rogue and listen to Father Christmas by the Kinds, Christmas in Hollis by Run DMC, and Christmas Wrapping by the Waitresses. And now there is a version of Santa Baby where Miley Cyrus (who I am growing to admire) sings a feminist version and I'm here for it. https://www.tiktok.com/@fightformiley/video/7311404172119821614
+1 on Christmas Wrapping and Miley's Santa Baby. My additions would be Jill Sobule's cover of Merry Christmas From The Family and my all-time favorite, White Wine In The Sun by Tim Minchin, for me it's what Christmas is really about.
I mean yes, you’ve got it. But also “Carol of the Bells” by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, which always comes on during some chaotic holiday moment and sends me into a full-on panic attack. Dare I say, too, as I’m sure this is divisive, anything by Josh Groban.
this is the boldest take so far. and I have to say, I too low key hate the Trans Siberian Orchestra for the hell they hath wrought....BUT JOSH GROBAN?! THAT'S GOING TO FAR!
I can't dislike Carol of the Bells because whenever I hear it i think of the classic video for "Ding Fries are Done" sung to the same tune. Reminds me of the better days in college when the internet was still young and so was I.
A guy I know always gets on Twitter on Black Friday to warn everyone: "The Trans-Siberian Orchestra has emerged from its arctic cave wearing skins and shooting lasers to remind you that Christmas is coming, bitches."
If you hate the song "Christmas Eve/Sarajevo" (ahem, NOT Carol of the Bells!) you should know that there is an incredibly dumb and unintentionally hilarious "The Ghost of Christmas Eve" that is a filmed concert of TSO playing the whole christmas playlist. Ossie Davis besmirched his reputation to be the weird MC/narrator."
My friend Chris always defends Do They Know It’s Christmas, and it cracks me up. It’s the personification (vocalization?) of the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Plus he LOVES U2, and I think Bono is a pompous jerk... based on nothing but a feeling.
I think tied with #1 is invariably those fucking Christmas Shoes. It’s less the lyrics and more the melody that grates on my last nerve.
A local favorite is “Crabs for Christmas” - and it’s sung in THE Baltimore accent. Hideous, horrible song. Look it up at your own peril.
I nominate the song "Christmas Rush", as performed by my kid's 1st grade class. Absolutely horrible song about the stresses of holiday shopping and traffic. Meant to entertain the adults but super cringey like "oh, let's teach kids about uber-commercialism!"
I have an irrational hatred of “The Holly and the Ivy,” which is really all about the holly and barely a damn word about any of the ivy. But even that isn’t as bad as “Wonderful Christmastime.”
Well the song does mention what happens when they are both full grown. And notes that of all the trees that are in the wood, the holly bears the crown. The holly bears the berry. The holly bears a prickle. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?
Wow, this is a deep pull and i really appreciate it. We sang this in my high school choir because our choir director was nuts but I have literally never heard it since. And I still have most of the words memorized somehow 25 plus years later. And I hate it.
I'm a big Star Wars fan. But the Star Wars Christmas album, Christmas in the Stars, is painful. Yes, it's the debut of Jon Bon Jovi (credited as Bongiove) which is interesting I guess, but the songs are just awful. Thankfully they are rarely played or heard so they aren't typically thought of in lists of worst Christmas songs.
In a so bad it's good category I would suggest Christmas in Hollis by Run DMC.
There is a subreddit called UpliftingNews that is good to have around when you need some of that.
Rebecca Solnit's advice is perfect! Thanks for sharing that.
I’m also a Star Wars fan, and I have never heard of a Star Wars Christmas album ( I have heard of the Holiday Special though) Nor did I particularly want to learn it exists.
"What Do You Get a Wookie for Christmas (When He Already Has a Comb)" sounds like it might be fun, but no. No it's not.
1978 release, so tail end of disco. Vinyl or cassette, and later published on cd. I have the cd. Maybe the vinyl or cassette is better, but I doubt it.
A song from 1975 called "Old Fashioned Christmas (Daddy's Home)" by Linda Bennett has been making the rounds on TikTok, but apparently it's been discussed on the internet for a long while. I had never heard it before last month and if you also haven't heard it I recommend just looking up the song on YouTube and giving the entire thing a listen before reading any comments or anything else about it.
Sorry not sorry, but the absolute WORST Christmas song of all time, no contest, is "Wonderful Christmastime." I would give up ever listening to a Beatles' song again if it would make that song disappear from existence. TERRIBLE. Paul McCartney should be unknighted for it. I SAID WHAT I SAID!
Okay, it's bad. And it is your right to hate it, but the joke about it being a song about people practicing witchcraft cracks me up every time.
(See here: https://www.reddit.com/r/WitchesVsPatriarchy/comments/hthk4l/merry_christmas/)
Last night NBC aired an SNL Christmas Special, and the final segment was Sir Paul playing that song, and it sucked.
Hate to say it, but Sir Paul has had more than his share of stinkers.
I was coming here to write this, and I'm so happy that many agree. And it's on every Spotify Christmas playlist. Blech! It doesn't have colonialism or religious stupidity, but it makes up for it in its sheer earworm atrocity.
I've heard this blasted song every day this week and I already hated it before that! Argh! I completely agree with you!
You are 100% correct. Nothing is worse.
I actually love this song, lol. 🫣
I would hazard to say that "The Christmas Shoes" is the worst Christmas song ever; why is this child spending his money on shoes for his dying mother? Ugh, the glurge. But also, on the subject of "Do They Know It's Christmas," um--yes? Because a lot of people in Africa, where they may in fact be in snow--it's a whole continent, you see--are Christians. Missionaries and colonialism made it so.
+1
Hard to argue against 'The Christmas Shoes.'
"The Christmas Shoes" elicits the same feelings as any Hallmark Christmas movie - eyeroll and a change of station.
This was my nomination too!
“If you want to save the planet, why don’t you just shut down your entire company? No one needs it.”
I love this so much!
Couldn't agree more. Best question ever. Liz, don't know if you'd want to but you have an open invite to any gathering I host from now til the end of time.
Iconic
Do you like your colonialism with some rad synth 80s beats? Do you like smug cultural hegemony sung by dudes with mullets?
This is probably the most brilliant take down of this bizarre song. You ma'm have "won" Christmas
Thank you! I am powerful when I hate
But is the BEST Christmas song "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas"?
Oh my gosh, YES!!! I actually wanted a hippo for Christmas when I was a little kid or, if Santa was out of hippos, a rhino or elephant. My dad asked my mom what the hell was wrong with me, why didn't I want a pony like every other kid.
Best Christmas song: Darlene Love's classic Christmas, Please Come Home.
I saw her live in NYC at a charity event on Monday. She's 82 years old, and her voice has lost none of its power. This is from ten years ago when she was only 72.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XH1h_A0vJD8
Speaking of Darlene Love...Julia Louis-Drefus did a fab interview with her on the podcast "Wiser than Me".
I just about lost it when Hannah Waddington started singing this on the second season of Ted Lasso. Such a great song!
Full stop.. Grandma Got Run over by a Reindeer. I can’t stand that song.
Hard to imagine a worse song. Every time I read the lyrics I continue to be struck by how appalling they are:
There's a world outside your window
And it's a world of dread and fear
Where the only water flowing
Is the bitter sting of tears
And the Christmas bells that ring
There are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you
Bono’s delivery of that last line is definitely a career lowlight.
"The greatest gift they'll get this year is life."
Friend, that is the greatest gift any of us will get. Have you never lost anyone??? This song makes me so mad.
There is a point in my christmas music listening where I go rogue and listen to Father Christmas by the Kinds, Christmas in Hollis by Run DMC, and Christmas Wrapping by the Waitresses. And now there is a version of Santa Baby where Miley Cyrus (who I am growing to admire) sings a feminist version and I'm here for it. https://www.tiktok.com/@fightformiley/video/7311404172119821614
I know this is breaking the rules, but from my reading so far all the bad ones have been covered.
+1 on Christmas Wrapping and Miley's Santa Baby. My additions would be Jill Sobule's cover of Merry Christmas From The Family and my all-time favorite, White Wine In The Sun by Tim Minchin, for me it's what Christmas is really about.
I forgot Christmas in Prison by John Prine.
I've no skin in the $mas racket, soundtrack-wise or otherwise. Someone needed to rep the Waitresses, though. Much obliged.
I mean yes, you’ve got it. But also “Carol of the Bells” by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, which always comes on during some chaotic holiday moment and sends me into a full-on panic attack. Dare I say, too, as I’m sure this is divisive, anything by Josh Groban.
this is the boldest take so far. and I have to say, I too low key hate the Trans Siberian Orchestra for the hell they hath wrought....BUT JOSH GROBAN?! THAT'S GOING TO FAR!
You know I like to be bold Lyz!! Perhaps we can come together on the subject of Groban's excessive vibrato in his cover of Little Drummer Boy!
There is no good way to sing that cursed song
I can't dislike Carol of the Bells because whenever I hear it i think of the classic video for "Ding Fries are Done" sung to the same tune. Reminds me of the better days in college when the internet was still young and so was I.
A guy I know always gets on Twitter on Black Friday to warn everyone: "The Trans-Siberian Orchestra has emerged from its arctic cave wearing skins and shooting lasers to remind you that Christmas is coming, bitches."
If you hate the song "Christmas Eve/Sarajevo" (ahem, NOT Carol of the Bells!) you should know that there is an incredibly dumb and unintentionally hilarious "The Ghost of Christmas Eve" that is a filmed concert of TSO playing the whole christmas playlist. Ossie Davis besmirched his reputation to be the weird MC/narrator."
My friend Chris always defends Do They Know It’s Christmas, and it cracks me up. It’s the personification (vocalization?) of the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Plus he LOVES U2, and I think Bono is a pompous jerk... based on nothing but a feeling.
I think tied with #1 is invariably those fucking Christmas Shoes. It’s less the lyrics and more the melody that grates on my last nerve.
A local favorite is “Crabs for Christmas” - and it’s sung in THE Baltimore accent. Hideous, horrible song. Look it up at your own peril.
How have I lived in Baltimore for 20 years and I don't know about Crabs for Christmas?!
I had totally forgotten about crabs for Christmas!
Totally worth forgetting!!!
Yes! Another Bono hater. I cannot stand him.
I cannot either.
I nominate the song "Christmas Rush", as performed by my kid's 1st grade class. Absolutely horrible song about the stresses of holiday shopping and traffic. Meant to entertain the adults but super cringey like "oh, let's teach kids about uber-commercialism!"
Grandma got Run Over by a Reindeer. Do I have to explain why? Close runner up; synth pop Last Christmas. Dude, get over it
"Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" is at least knowingly a terrible song, something about that makes it better.
I have an irrational hatred of “The Holly and the Ivy,” which is really all about the holly and barely a damn word about any of the ivy. But even that isn’t as bad as “Wonderful Christmastime.”
Well the song does mention what happens when they are both full grown. And notes that of all the trees that are in the wood, the holly bears the crown. The holly bears the berry. The holly bears a prickle. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?
Wow, this is a deep pull and i really appreciate it. We sang this in my high school choir because our choir director was nuts but I have literally never heard it since. And I still have most of the words memorized somehow 25 plus years later. And I hate it.
I'm a big Star Wars fan. But the Star Wars Christmas album, Christmas in the Stars, is painful. Yes, it's the debut of Jon Bon Jovi (credited as Bongiove) which is interesting I guess, but the songs are just awful. Thankfully they are rarely played or heard so they aren't typically thought of in lists of worst Christmas songs.
In a so bad it's good category I would suggest Christmas in Hollis by Run DMC.
There is a subreddit called UpliftingNews that is good to have around when you need some of that.
Rebecca Solnit's advice is perfect! Thanks for sharing that.
I refuse to even look up the Star Wars Christmas album. But thank you for your service
Speaking of Bon Jovi, he also apparently sang one with the adorable title Back Door Santa?
Wow! I just read the lyrics. I think it's what I thought it was.
Holy shit! Those lyrics! I don't think I can like Bon Jovi anymore.
To each their own, but I won't be sitting on Backdoor Santa's lap.
Looks like Clarence Carter, who gifted us with "Strokin'" made this hot mess.
Dear. God.
I’m also a Star Wars fan, and I have never heard of a Star Wars Christmas album ( I have heard of the Holiday Special though) Nor did I particularly want to learn it exists.
"What Do You Get a Wookie for Christmas (When He Already Has a Comb)" sounds like it might be fun, but no. No it's not.
1978 release, so tail end of disco. Vinyl or cassette, and later published on cd. I have the cd. Maybe the vinyl or cassette is better, but I doubt it.
A song from 1975 called "Old Fashioned Christmas (Daddy's Home)" by Linda Bennett has been making the rounds on TikTok, but apparently it's been discussed on the internet for a long while. I had never heard it before last month and if you also haven't heard it I recommend just looking up the song on YouTube and giving the entire thing a listen before reading any comments or anything else about it.
http://musicformaniacs.blogspot.com/2008/12/worst-christmas-song-ever.html
Dear Lord, what a horrid song! I don't remember this one, maybe I blocked it out? Wonder how I can do it again now?!
OMG....how did I never hear this song before?!? What a horrible song....but it did make me cry a bit. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Nqo4y38xqE