46 Comments

On behalf of all Texans (me and any other Texan who reads this newsletter, ahem), we thank you for honoring our illustrious attorney general. As someone who is currently living with his dingosity, I can assure you the award is richly deserved. Also, donated to your fund, and anyone still feeling the Christmas spirit and with a little extra can donate to the Frontera Fund, helping women of the Rio Grande Valley also access health care.

https://fronterafundrgv.org/donate/

Expand full comment

Came here to say this!!!

As native Texan, I think Paxton is a perfect DOTY. He’s petty, he’s unethical, he’s motivated by a hateful worldview (and his own venal greed). It’s hard to live in a red state. I used to think living in a big blue dot would protect me, but Abbott and Paxton are doing their damnedest to undermine local government.

Expand full comment

And he’s under indictment! I moved back to Texas from a blue state, and it’s been quite the adjustment. I miss the olden days when a Democrat could get elected for statewide office.

Expand full comment

So many dingiii, so little time.

Expand full comment
Dec 29, 2023Liked by lyz

Ah I forgot about the pen stealing incident. So petty, so pointless. A perfect dingus.

Expand full comment
author

That, to me, is what tips him over into just ridiculous territory.

Expand full comment

Maybe Trump could be dingus emeritus and excluded from competition. Although that sounds too much like some kind of honor. My pick would have been House Republicans, but excellent choices all round, everyone!

Expand full comment
founding

By DOTY standards, leading insurrection (and then doubling down on it) keeps a person on the dingus ballot rather than disqualifying them. However, I would support retiring this person's name from future competition -- provided each subsequent DOTY wears an Orange Julius Caesar-themed crown for the next 365 days. Never forget et al. There are some sharp minds here, and I bet they'd come up with several awesome designs for said crown.. which doesn't necessarily have to be worn on one's head. Just saying.

Expand full comment
author

The reason Trump has and never will be dingus is I do my best not to pick people who have been credibly accused of sexual assault.

Expand full comment

All the more reason to make him ineligible for voting! He's no All Star Hall of Fame-r as it is.

Expand full comment

My great grandmother started one of the other oldest abortion funds in the country, in Florida, which is still running (and much needed). My mom tells a story of a time we were visiting when I was a kid. We’d gone to a science museum—but my great grandmother spent the whole time on the payphone securing funding, a hospital, and possibly also transportation for a woman who needed an abortion STAT. She also worked hard to secure funding for all sorts of other abortions without judgment or shame—she’d had a back alley abortion as a teen and knew what it was like. So yes, donate whatever you can.

Expand full comment

Your grandmother is a hero! ❤️ You probably already knew that.

Expand full comment

She must have been a wonderful woman.

Expand full comment
founding

2023, you had many worthy ding-y selections when choosing DOTY; thank you for choosing Ken Paxton.

https://www.texastribune.org/2023/12/21/texas-attorney-general-trans-seattle-childrens/

https://www.texastribune.org/2023/12/21/texas-house-republicans-paxton-abbott/

On behalf of your MYaM-based service crew, enjoy your stay in Unbounded Turpitude or wherever your final destination may be.

Expand full comment

Wise selection, not even close. The guest nominee of Bill Ackman (by Sarah Weinman) is also some chef's kiss material.

No notes.

Expand full comment

I didn’t know who he was until I read this. The more you know (dingus edition) ...

Expand full comment

He is your classic Gen X male, who has gotten very rich by being an asshole (investor) and is convinced that DEI initiatives are ruining the landscape for the 'dominant' species (the mediocre white middle-aged male). Although I will admit that I enjoyed watching him get fleeced when shorting Herbalife stock (not that I am a fan of ANY MLM out there)

Makes me embarrassed of my membership in that cohort.

Expand full comment

You mean gen x? Yeah, me too 😬

Expand full comment

Yep, plenty of us have totally lost their minds.

Expand full comment

Dingularity. Nice. Nerdy. But nice ;)

Expand full comment

I chortled freely reading this. When Nixon looks like Bernie Sanders, oy! That’s saying something. #Bernie4Eva

Expand full comment

Excellent choice!! Will Paxton become a verb? As in “You’ve been paxtoned!”

Expand full comment
founding

The people of Texas, those with liberty and the increasing number of those without, have been verb-ed enough in 2023. However...

As happens in states with one-party rule, there isn't anywhere for these public servants to go until/unless something busts up the logjam. Abbott seems content to stay put, the senior US senator Corwyn isn't up until 2026, and HOF Dingus T Cruz is very unlikely to be primaried. That leaves both Senate seats, governor, lt governor, and attorney general static for another electoral cycle. In other words, even if Paxton has designs on higher office (narrator: he does) he's going to have to wait this out. Something something inability to sit quietly something needs its own verb to describe the fidgets and reprisals that will pass for governance in Texas. Pascal-ing, maybe? Presuming any TX library is allowed to hold any of his books anymore.

Expand full comment

I hadn’t even gotten to this line: “Will he finally make it legal for men to tie women to the railroad tracks while laughing maniacally and rubbing their evil hands together in glee?” And do it without even needing a mustache to twirl!

Expand full comment

Nya ha ha! :-)

Expand full comment

I never can choose what I like best about the dingus essays - the variations on the word dingus, the descriptions of the nominees and winners or the many excellent comments. Thank you all for creating laughs from these despicable dingi. Or is it dinguses?

Expand full comment

Yes, Ken Crackpot, or whatever his name is. Excellent choice. In a sea of scum, he rose to the top, or sunk to the bottom, in 2023. The "man" is just plain wicked.

Expand full comment

Definitely sunk to the bottom. DEFINITELY!

Expand full comment

I got chills and felt the hairs rise on the back of my neck. What an inspired choice!

Expand full comment
founding

OMG! Well worth the wait to see who rose to the top for DOTY honor, which celebrates the epitome of “dingosity” and becomes the “dingularity ” (referring to the definition of a singularity as the density of a black hole).

Expand full comment

Although I could see him reading this and thinking, “Why hadn’t I thought of it?” and advocate for it 🙄

Expand full comment