Dingus of the Week: Steven Crowder
No-fault divorce isn't the problem, you are
Hello and welcome to the weekly dingus. Every week, I pick someone or something in the news that’s really pinching our peachesand write about it. I don’t pick murderers or people who commit sexual violence (that I know of!), and I try to make sure the dingus comes from a wide cross-section of the world. Once it’s been milk, twice it’s been the Olympics and as god as my witness, it will be the Olympics again!
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On Tuesday, far-right podcaster, Steven Crowder, told his fans that he’s been going through a divorce. Crowder is one of those guys who leans into a microphone and talks on YouTube and mocks Mattel for making a Barbie with Down syndrome. His podcast is basically the stop-hitting-yourself brand of humor that you’ve come to expect from men with the personality of rotting dairy products.
At this point, you probably have no questions about his divorce, but it’s not what you think. The thing Crowder blames his divorce on is not the fact that he didn’t want his wife who was 8 months pregnant at the time use the car to go grocery shopping, nor is it the fact he missed the birth of his twin sons and then moved out, nor is it the fact that he is Steven Crowder. Crowder blames his divorce on laws that allow women to have free will. It’s “no-fault” divorce laws specifically that are ruining his life.
Crowder said on his podcast, “My then-wife decided that she didn’t want to be married anymore and in the state of Texas, that is completely permitted.” His wife, he said, “simply wanted out and the law says that that’s how it works.”
And sir, complaining that a woman has agency under the law and that she’s exercising that agency to yeet herself out of her union with you isn’t making the point you think you are making.
It is still easier in America for a child under the age of 18 to get married, than it is for grown adults to get divorced. The longest waiting period for a wedding license is 5 days in Wisconsin. The longest waiting period for a divorce in America is 18 months. Despite no-fault divorce laws, our American system still assumes that women need a cooling-off period before divorcing. And I say “women” because 70 percent of people filing for divorce are women.
Maybe 70 percent of women file for divorce because having a husband adds seven extra hours of housework, work that a wife is expected to do. Maybe it’s because women, despite also having full-time jobs, still do the majority of childcare and housework. Maybe, just maybe, it’s because they are married to a man who mocks disabilities for fun and profit on YouTube. Like why can’t he just learn to flip bottles like the other bros? Who can say? But I can tell you that divorced women, even if they are the sole caretakers of their children, have more leisure time than married women.
But, if your wife is leaving you, tightening up the laws, so that she stays your servant isn’t going to make her like you more. What’s the end game here? Do you think she’s gonna see you advocate against no-fault divorce and say, “Oh thank you, Steven, for taking away my legal right to leave you. That’s so sexy! I want to stay married.”?
Also, divorce rates in America are lower now than in the past, because people are marrying later in life and many are choosing not to marry. I think it’s telling that people looking at the models of marriage in this country are like, “You know what? I don’t want that.” No, thanks, I’d rather live in a cottage with a wolf.
Additionally, laws that make it easier for couples to divorce are actually good for society. If that seems contradictory to you, then you might want to examine why you would think that giving people more freedom and agency is bad? Is it weird to you that if you don’t force someone to do your grocery shopping forever, they like you more? But you don’t have to listen to me, listen to the Census Bureau, which noted:
Studies have shown there are unexpected positive ripple effects when laws make divorce easier and quicker, including:
The number of marriages increases by at least 9%.
Female suicides decrease by 8% to 16% and domestic violence decreases by around 30%.
Women start working more outside of the home — up to 7 percentage points more – increasing their economic clout in a marriage by bringing income that they control into the home.
I just want to talk about that domestic violence statistic. Because I need you to really sit and ponder the fact that giving women the ability to leave their marriages, makes men hit them less. That giving women the freedom to divorce, makes them less likely to die from suicide. And there is statistical evidence that it makes the marriages that do exist, more likely to be long lasting.
It’s almost like if you respect the autonomy of women, society benefits.
Jezebel reported that there is an uptick in rhetoric against no-fault divorce among Republican lawmakers. And I just think that if you have to change the laws to make your wife stay, you aren’t a good person. Have you considered just learning how to fold laundry?
Congratulations to the most fired commentator in cable news, Tucker Carlson. I wrote about Carlson this week because he and I go way back. Here is the story I wrote about him for The Guardian. I also wrote about him for this newsletter. And if you remember Lauren Duca’s face off with Carlson, well, I have a treat for you. I asked Lauren for her thoughts on Carlson’s legacy and she sent me this quote.
And Now For Something Good:
On Tuesday, Nikki Hiltz won the Drake Relays Grand Blue Mile for a second time. Hiltz is the first openly non-binary athlete to win this race and used their win to highlight the anti-LGBTQ legislation being passed in Iowa.
Like everyone in sports, I loved this Giannis Antetokounmpo speech about failure. But the best part about the speech (aspointed out in our Discord) is that Antetokounmpo thinks a promotion is a writer’s version of success. LOL. We are writers, nothing will make us ever feel successful.
David Gianforte lobbied his father, the governor of Montana, to veto the anti-LGBTQ legislation passed by the legislature. And I’m sure that was difficult, but I think it’s admirable. And it gives me hope that the kids will be okay.
Also, in a follow-up from last week’s dingus, the Montana GOP, which is still the collective noun for dingii, censured Rep. Zooey Zephyr, by banning her from the house floor. That’s not the good part. The good part is Zephyr is galvanizing people in the state and she’s not going quietly and it’s starting a movement.
Thank you to everyone who came out to see me and Jeanna Kadlec at Prairie Lights. It was very fun. And I am so chuffed you all got to see me get sassed by my kids.
The event with Marissa Moss got moved to May 9. So, MAY 9, 7-8pm, at Prairie Lights. We will talk misogny, music, and murder! I’ll make Marissa tell you all the secret gay history of country music and so much more.
What I Am Drinking:
This week, the weather in the midwest finally started getting it’s act together. And I think we can trust it this time.
And so, it’s time to bust out our summer beers. I love Tag, a tangerine wheat beer made by a local brewery. It’s the porch beer. The post-summer run beer. It’s the doing yard work beer. It’s the beer of sunshine and hamburgers. Have a wonderful weekend!
Tell me your favorite porch beverage.
Real ones know.
I could write an entire book about all the misogynist garbage I've heard my father spew, both before and after my mother left him. The short version is men like this think it's their god-given right to control women, and sometimes they say it out loud instead of couching it in niceties.
And because I am not above being mean-spirited, petty, spiteful, and vindictive, it warms the cockles of my heart to watch these men throw tantrums when women escape from them. Oh, your ex-wife and/or daughters have the capacity for independent thought and are separate, fully-realized human beings. That must be so hard for you; let me play my tiny violin.
edit: I just read the linked article on Stephen Crowder's treatment of his wife and wow, he and my dad are cut from the same cloth. Isn't it funny how they can't control their temper except around people who could provide consequences for acting like an asshole?
Just so everyone knows, my divorce took 3 years and 8 months. Why? My ex used the court process to do virtually what he could no longer do personally: torment and terrorize. I know that sounds dramatic, but it’s the truth. And I know I am not the only one. And I am in a no-fault state (albeit Arizona, where you can have a covenant marriage. Excuse me while I collect myself).