I feel like a damn hypocrite. Both my son and daughter LOVE Scouts BSA and we are heavily involved. As a former victim, no matter what activity my children are in, I am HYPER vigilant, so I knew what I was getting into when I signed them up. Like Catholicism, the core of BSA is beautiful and something I strongly support. But like Catholicism, those in charge take advantage for their own personal gain and it fucks the rest of us up. The shit from this is rolling downhill. The victims aren't getting their justice. Those currently in are paying for the sins of their predecessors. Literally. Our yearly dues almost doubled this year. We've been told the settlement has little to do with it, but that's bull. They filed bankruptcy to protect their huge amounts of landownership so they wouldn't have to sell them to pay the settlement. It's so fucked up and I'm just so mad that people take advantage of innocent children. The waves from abuse seem to never end. Ugh.
This turned into a giant rant and I'm sorry. I'm just so mad about all of this. Mad at the BSA. Mad at abusers. Mad at the system. It's all so fucked up.
that's crazy that they are blaming the settlement because per my reading most of that settlement money came from insurers and backers. And there is a chance almost none of it will be paid out depending on how the Sackler case that's before the supreme court is decided.
That's what I meant to say. When told the dues were increasing, they said it wasn't related to the settlement. But we aren't dumb. Dues don't double in the shadow of a billion dollar settlement and they have nothing to do with each other.
When SCOTUS issues its inevitable pro-big shot/anti-victim decision in this matter, Nicci A, let us know if your annual BSA dues go down or (optimistically) change at all. We can all shake our heads wryly at this "generous" definition of corporate-flavored mercy.
I’m a current volunteer leader, and while I’m not sure of all the details, I know the settlement has had a significant impact on our local organizations. From my understanding, every local council was assigned a dollar amount to contribute to the settlement based on their size and fiscal situation. In central Virginia, that meant selling a scout camp to a developer (https://www.chesterfieldobserver.com/articles/scout-property-under-contract-with-developer-as-debt-looms/). Our annual dues have also increased significantly with part of the explanation being increased insurance costs (which seems likely related to the settlement). A big part of the settlement may be coming from insurance or backers, but it has already had a major impact at a local level and resources that could have gone to current scouts are being diverted.
Don’t get me wrong, I do not begrudge any of the victims and I believe they deserve to be compensated. But it is disheartening to see the consequences of actions taken several generations ago still causing new impacts today.
One thing I wish more people understood, in my opinion as a parent, Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts take youth protection more seriously than any other organization I been part of. The rules and guidelines they set are more stringent and more closely followed than anything I’ve seen at church, school, sports leagues, or any after-school program. Again this doesn’t get them off the hook for the harm that was caused, but in many important ways the organization that allowed abuse decades ago no longer exists, and the BSA organization of today is radically different, for the better.
Except it's not the actions taken several generations ago. This stuff has been continuing even recently. Also, I encourage you to watch the documentary.
And while I know the organization has done good work, I do think it's important that people not dismiss this as something in the past. Because it's not.
Also, it's worth pointing out that a lot of the restructuring that happened because of the lawsuits. Were to protect the organizations assets. Again, it's 82,000 people. That's not just something in the past
They won't get rid of SOL laws because despite all the pearl clutching and talk about groomers, conservatives don't believe that rape exists, that all "victims" of any age or sex are liars, and if it was real they would have let everyone know right away, and just shut up and keep it swept under the rug! Prove me wrong.
This is just heartbreaking and frustrating. Oregon's limitations are weird - with caveats about before victims turn 30 if they were under 18. Otherwise, it depends on the offense, but 12 years seems to be the limit for those 18 and over. Now I'm going to check to see if there is anyone pushing through a change to no limit.
I should do some more reading on statutes of limitation and why they exist so I can have a well-informed opinion. With that caveat, maybe they shouldn't for serious crimes against people like murder and rape or sexual assault. It doesn't seem like justice for the survivor of a crime to live with the effects every day while the perpetrator can run out the clock and get away with it.
This is why I'll never be a lawyer: I don't give a damn what the law says unless it supports justice, tempered with mercy and compassion. I'm pretty sure the Bible has some things to say about those concepts, but you wouldn't know it from the Christians who love to pray and posture in public. The Bible has a few things to say about that sort of person, too.
There are many reasons a child does not 'tell on' their abusers.
The following contains an account of sexual abuse of a child. Although not told in detail, please be forewarned if you are sensitive to stories of abuse...
I was sexually abused by two much older boys shortly after I turned six. They knew what they were doing was wrong. After luring me into the woods with candy and sexualizing me (affecting me terribly for the rest of my life), they threatened me. If I told, our house would burn down! I couldn't go anywhere for many years to visit relatives or for sleepovers because I was terrified our house would be set on fire (even though I kept my dirty secret stuffed down into my guts). I had to BE THERE to save my family.
They also made me feel like I was 'dirty', a natural born slut who deserved what I got. They told me I was 'asking for it' after all. Asking for it at SIX?! I carried the shame of this abuse being my own fault like a brand all my life. That because of who or what I was intrinsically, an irresistible little sexpot, this abuse was ALL MY FAULT! I had brought it all on myself.
Believing them, that they were unable to control themselves because of what I was (my fault because I was so damn alluring at six) combined with the threats shut me up but good.
My mother knew something was wrong but couldn't get me to talk about it ever. While we were alone on her nineteenth birthday, she had one of the lucid moments that shone through her dementia. She turned to me and said, "What happened when Jay and Eddie brought you home saying you were lost in the woods?" She had known their story was complete BS because I knew the woods like the back of my hand but I STILL couldn't tell her OVER FIFTY YEARS LATER. I couldn't even tell MYSELF.
That knowledge was stuffed into files in my gut that I was too terrified to open - too terrified to remember those details. But it was always there. The buried abuse affected me and every relationship I had for my entire life.
I don't know why, perhaps it was a Hundredth Monkey effect, but about a month before the Weinstein horrors hit the news and helped start the MeToo movement, I began to have flashbacks. My once tightly closed files began leaking and turned into a flood. Memories so long suppressed... I freaked out so badly I chugged almost an entire bottle of vodka and nearly died. My husband was like a rock, listening to the disgusting, soul-shattering, never-before-told tale of what had happened pouring out of me in a frenzy, getting me on my feet, cleaning up the vomit. Unfortunately for me, I have what is sometimes referred to as hyperthymesia and remember too vividly things best forgotten (most likely due to my autism diagnosed very late in life). Also unfortunately, I now only have Medicare which doesn’t provide the therapy I need for the challenges and difficulties of my late diagnosis, especially after recalling this abuse.
This is the first time I have opened up about this publicly. Most of my friends and family don't know. Unbelievably, when I briefly touched on the subject in a session when I could still afford therapy, it was brushed aside! I must say, after 40 years of seeing multiple therapists for my extreme depression and anxiety I feel like I deserve multiple refunds. Not a one of them caught that I am ASD and profoundly so. To be fair, my high IQ made me an excellent masker.
Although I live in a different state now, I found out not long ago that one of my abusers lives near me. I can't decide what to do. I feel as if he should be told how his abuse effed up my life so completely and even more importantly, I fear he may possibly still be an abuser! I am afraid I might run into him. People have told me that I should just leave it alone. One formally close 'friend' even said, "What about HIS family?!" What?!! It's hard to even think about confronting him but at least my wonderful (albeit flawed and readily admits so) husband is behind me 100%. Just the thought of doing this is making me sick to my stomach right now. However, both of these men should not be allowed to think of themselves as upstanding, fine individuals who merely 'played doctor' with a little girl as if she was just an object, setting her up for a life of sexual abuse as being something natural and acceptable for one 'such as her'.
What I read in my 1st grade report card, written after the abuse especially haunts me. Where I lived there was no kindergarten but when I entered 1st grade I had already learned to read. In the first semester my teacher often had me tutor some of the other kids who were struggling to learn their ABCs.
After the abuse, she wrote, "Tana used to be so engaged with school and the other children. Now she just stares out the window..."
I am triggered by these kinds of horrible events, but I read your story, nonetheless, because you deserve to be heard. Thank you for telling it. I hope I am not too forward , or hurtful, in saying I wish for you that you can tell your truth (via writing or speaking) closer to home.
Your comment was not too forward or hurtful to me. I saw it as coming from a place of kindness. It was helpful just to write the story out and especially helpful for me that you let me know I was heard.
I know it is not an easy story to read and I am impressed that anyone would have the fortitude to read it in its entirety. I hope it didn't upset you too terribly. I told it because it upsets me so much that the powers that be don't understand how many fears and how much gaslighting factors into a child's ability to even understand (as in my case) that they even were abused, much less report their abusers in a time the government deems to be acceptable. Thinking that it was my own fault, I really didn't get it until I was in my sixties and the details came back to me. Much too late for any legal consequences.
I agree that telling my truth is important and this was another step in doing that. I believe that soon I will be able to convey to my abusers how their actions affected my life so negatively. I don't know with any certainty if it will be a help but I cannot remain silent any longer. What I need to say to them has festered in my gut for over 60 years. As I am prepared for the worst, I feel it will at the least be cathartic for me. Healing hopefully...
I don't have words for this. This is the kind of stuff that makes people so angry, so aware of hypocrites, so untethered by the injustice of it all that they want to do something terrible. Want to stop the violence of today? #MeToo about everything--the sanctimonious prescriptions for obedience, at the cost of wrecked lives. I am so, so sorry.
This was timely for my own life as it's currently troop recruitment season in my area. My daughters are in Girl Scout troops and have loved the summer camps. My Eagle Scout husband had wonderful impactful Boy Scout experiences and volunteered for years as an adult troop leader before we had children. One of our family values is having the ability to go on outdoorsy adventures. Unfortunately, the Girl Scout troops that work for our family's schedule do not focus on those experiences. In the "troop-led" model, my daughters are continually outvoted and end up doing volunteer projects at the animal shelter instead of camping. While I have nothing against community service, we are already teaching those values through our church, Girls on the Run, and Beta Club. Meanwhile, the local Scouts BSA troop is made up of my kids' close friends and run by my husband's two dad friends. They go hiking all over the state.
I've been having serious inner turmoil about if we need to make the switch, and it's reporting like this that makes the situation complicated. (Thanks, Lyz, sincerely and also a little sarcastically.)
And can I just say... the idea that my kids could both join a single Scouts BSA troop is incredibly appealing logistically. The Girl Scouts don't support multi-grade models so that's double the mental load for my family.
Euh. My son is a Scout-- but in Switzerland, where scouting is mixed (there are some all-girl units, by choice) AND is peer-led. It is awesome and I am so thankful that *this* is his scouting experience.
For the curious, google “mova 2022” and you will see things about the Swiss National Jamboree, which happens every 14 years. Last summer was truly once in a lifetime for my boy.
If my scout life had been like that (instead of cookie sales and homemaking badges), I might have stayed with it longer.
I feel like a damn hypocrite. Both my son and daughter LOVE Scouts BSA and we are heavily involved. As a former victim, no matter what activity my children are in, I am HYPER vigilant, so I knew what I was getting into when I signed them up. Like Catholicism, the core of BSA is beautiful and something I strongly support. But like Catholicism, those in charge take advantage for their own personal gain and it fucks the rest of us up. The shit from this is rolling downhill. The victims aren't getting their justice. Those currently in are paying for the sins of their predecessors. Literally. Our yearly dues almost doubled this year. We've been told the settlement has little to do with it, but that's bull. They filed bankruptcy to protect their huge amounts of landownership so they wouldn't have to sell them to pay the settlement. It's so fucked up and I'm just so mad that people take advantage of innocent children. The waves from abuse seem to never end. Ugh.
This turned into a giant rant and I'm sorry. I'm just so mad about all of this. Mad at the BSA. Mad at abusers. Mad at the system. It's all so fucked up.
that's crazy that they are blaming the settlement because per my reading most of that settlement money came from insurers and backers. And there is a chance almost none of it will be paid out depending on how the Sackler case that's before the supreme court is decided.
That's what I meant to say. When told the dues were increasing, they said it wasn't related to the settlement. But we aren't dumb. Dues don't double in the shadow of a billion dollar settlement and they have nothing to do with each other.
When SCOTUS issues its inevitable pro-big shot/anti-victim decision in this matter, Nicci A, let us know if your annual BSA dues go down or (optimistically) change at all. We can all shake our heads wryly at this "generous" definition of corporate-flavored mercy.
I’m a current volunteer leader, and while I’m not sure of all the details, I know the settlement has had a significant impact on our local organizations. From my understanding, every local council was assigned a dollar amount to contribute to the settlement based on their size and fiscal situation. In central Virginia, that meant selling a scout camp to a developer (https://www.chesterfieldobserver.com/articles/scout-property-under-contract-with-developer-as-debt-looms/). Our annual dues have also increased significantly with part of the explanation being increased insurance costs (which seems likely related to the settlement). A big part of the settlement may be coming from insurance or backers, but it has already had a major impact at a local level and resources that could have gone to current scouts are being diverted.
Don’t get me wrong, I do not begrudge any of the victims and I believe they deserve to be compensated. But it is disheartening to see the consequences of actions taken several generations ago still causing new impacts today.
One thing I wish more people understood, in my opinion as a parent, Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts take youth protection more seriously than any other organization I been part of. The rules and guidelines they set are more stringent and more closely followed than anything I’ve seen at church, school, sports leagues, or any after-school program. Again this doesn’t get them off the hook for the harm that was caused, but in many important ways the organization that allowed abuse decades ago no longer exists, and the BSA organization of today is radically different, for the better.
Except it's not the actions taken several generations ago. This stuff has been continuing even recently. Also, I encourage you to watch the documentary.
And while I know the organization has done good work, I do think it's important that people not dismiss this as something in the past. Because it's not.
Also, it's worth pointing out that a lot of the restructuring that happened because of the lawsuits. Were to protect the organizations assets. Again, it's 82,000 people. That's not just something in the past
They won't get rid of SOL laws because despite all the pearl clutching and talk about groomers, conservatives don't believe that rape exists, that all "victims" of any age or sex are liars, and if it was real they would have let everyone know right away, and just shut up and keep it swept under the rug! Prove me wrong.
This is just heartbreaking and frustrating. Oregon's limitations are weird - with caveats about before victims turn 30 if they were under 18. Otherwise, it depends on the offense, but 12 years seems to be the limit for those 18 and over. Now I'm going to check to see if there is anyone pushing through a change to no limit.
BUT BUT BUT DRAG QUEENS! 🤪
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
I should do some more reading on statutes of limitation and why they exist so I can have a well-informed opinion. With that caveat, maybe they shouldn't for serious crimes against people like murder and rape or sexual assault. It doesn't seem like justice for the survivor of a crime to live with the effects every day while the perpetrator can run out the clock and get away with it.
This is why I'll never be a lawyer: I don't give a damn what the law says unless it supports justice, tempered with mercy and compassion. I'm pretty sure the Bible has some things to say about those concepts, but you wouldn't know it from the Christians who love to pray and posture in public. The Bible has a few things to say about that sort of person, too.
Thank you as always for your reporting. This is a classic example of how the patriarchy hurts men too.
So who gets all the money if the victims aren’t paid out? Does it go back to BSA? Or lawyers? Such a heartbreaking story.
We eliminated the SoL on civil claims in CO in 2021. Hope other states follow!
Yes, Colorado is one of the 13 states that doesn't impede the pay outs for victims with its regressive laws!
As I was reading I was wondering what Colorado’s stance was. Glad to hear it!
There are many reasons a child does not 'tell on' their abusers.
The following contains an account of sexual abuse of a child. Although not told in detail, please be forewarned if you are sensitive to stories of abuse...
I was sexually abused by two much older boys shortly after I turned six. They knew what they were doing was wrong. After luring me into the woods with candy and sexualizing me (affecting me terribly for the rest of my life), they threatened me. If I told, our house would burn down! I couldn't go anywhere for many years to visit relatives or for sleepovers because I was terrified our house would be set on fire (even though I kept my dirty secret stuffed down into my guts). I had to BE THERE to save my family.
They also made me feel like I was 'dirty', a natural born slut who deserved what I got. They told me I was 'asking for it' after all. Asking for it at SIX?! I carried the shame of this abuse being my own fault like a brand all my life. That because of who or what I was intrinsically, an irresistible little sexpot, this abuse was ALL MY FAULT! I had brought it all on myself.
Believing them, that they were unable to control themselves because of what I was (my fault because I was so damn alluring at six) combined with the threats shut me up but good.
My mother knew something was wrong but couldn't get me to talk about it ever. While we were alone on her nineteenth birthday, she had one of the lucid moments that shone through her dementia. She turned to me and said, "What happened when Jay and Eddie brought you home saying you were lost in the woods?" She had known their story was complete BS because I knew the woods like the back of my hand but I STILL couldn't tell her OVER FIFTY YEARS LATER. I couldn't even tell MYSELF.
That knowledge was stuffed into files in my gut that I was too terrified to open - too terrified to remember those details. But it was always there. The buried abuse affected me and every relationship I had for my entire life.
I don't know why, perhaps it was a Hundredth Monkey effect, but about a month before the Weinstein horrors hit the news and helped start the MeToo movement, I began to have flashbacks. My once tightly closed files began leaking and turned into a flood. Memories so long suppressed... I freaked out so badly I chugged almost an entire bottle of vodka and nearly died. My husband was like a rock, listening to the disgusting, soul-shattering, never-before-told tale of what had happened pouring out of me in a frenzy, getting me on my feet, cleaning up the vomit. Unfortunately for me, I have what is sometimes referred to as hyperthymesia and remember too vividly things best forgotten (most likely due to my autism diagnosed very late in life). Also unfortunately, I now only have Medicare which doesn’t provide the therapy I need for the challenges and difficulties of my late diagnosis, especially after recalling this abuse.
This is the first time I have opened up about this publicly. Most of my friends and family don't know. Unbelievably, when I briefly touched on the subject in a session when I could still afford therapy, it was brushed aside! I must say, after 40 years of seeing multiple therapists for my extreme depression and anxiety I feel like I deserve multiple refunds. Not a one of them caught that I am ASD and profoundly so. To be fair, my high IQ made me an excellent masker.
Although I live in a different state now, I found out not long ago that one of my abusers lives near me. I can't decide what to do. I feel as if he should be told how his abuse effed up my life so completely and even more importantly, I fear he may possibly still be an abuser! I am afraid I might run into him. People have told me that I should just leave it alone. One formally close 'friend' even said, "What about HIS family?!" What?!! It's hard to even think about confronting him but at least my wonderful (albeit flawed and readily admits so) husband is behind me 100%. Just the thought of doing this is making me sick to my stomach right now. However, both of these men should not be allowed to think of themselves as upstanding, fine individuals who merely 'played doctor' with a little girl as if she was just an object, setting her up for a life of sexual abuse as being something natural and acceptable for one 'such as her'.
What I read in my 1st grade report card, written after the abuse especially haunts me. Where I lived there was no kindergarten but when I entered 1st grade I had already learned to read. In the first semester my teacher often had me tutor some of the other kids who were struggling to learn their ABCs.
After the abuse, she wrote, "Tana used to be so engaged with school and the other children. Now she just stares out the window..."
I am triggered by these kinds of horrible events, but I read your story, nonetheless, because you deserve to be heard. Thank you for telling it. I hope I am not too forward , or hurtful, in saying I wish for you that you can tell your truth (via writing or speaking) closer to home.
I wish you healing.
Your comment was not too forward or hurtful to me. I saw it as coming from a place of kindness. It was helpful just to write the story out and especially helpful for me that you let me know I was heard.
I know it is not an easy story to read and I am impressed that anyone would have the fortitude to read it in its entirety. I hope it didn't upset you too terribly. I told it because it upsets me so much that the powers that be don't understand how many fears and how much gaslighting factors into a child's ability to even understand (as in my case) that they even were abused, much less report their abusers in a time the government deems to be acceptable. Thinking that it was my own fault, I really didn't get it until I was in my sixties and the details came back to me. Much too late for any legal consequences.
I agree that telling my truth is important and this was another step in doing that. I believe that soon I will be able to convey to my abusers how their actions affected my life so negatively. I don't know with any certainty if it will be a help but I cannot remain silent any longer. What I need to say to them has festered in my gut for over 60 years. As I am prepared for the worst, I feel it will at the least be cathartic for me. Healing hopefully...
Thank you for your kind words and empathy.
Be well and stay Shrill!
I don't have words for this. This is the kind of stuff that makes people so angry, so aware of hypocrites, so untethered by the injustice of it all that they want to do something terrible. Want to stop the violence of today? #MeToo about everything--the sanctimonious prescriptions for obedience, at the cost of wrecked lives. I am so, so sorry.
This was timely for my own life as it's currently troop recruitment season in my area. My daughters are in Girl Scout troops and have loved the summer camps. My Eagle Scout husband had wonderful impactful Boy Scout experiences and volunteered for years as an adult troop leader before we had children. One of our family values is having the ability to go on outdoorsy adventures. Unfortunately, the Girl Scout troops that work for our family's schedule do not focus on those experiences. In the "troop-led" model, my daughters are continually outvoted and end up doing volunteer projects at the animal shelter instead of camping. While I have nothing against community service, we are already teaching those values through our church, Girls on the Run, and Beta Club. Meanwhile, the local Scouts BSA troop is made up of my kids' close friends and run by my husband's two dad friends. They go hiking all over the state.
I've been having serious inner turmoil about if we need to make the switch, and it's reporting like this that makes the situation complicated. (Thanks, Lyz, sincerely and also a little sarcastically.)
And can I just say... the idea that my kids could both join a single Scouts BSA troop is incredibly appealing logistically. The Girl Scouts don't support multi-grade models so that's double the mental load for my family.
Euh. My son is a Scout-- but in Switzerland, where scouting is mixed (there are some all-girl units, by choice) AND is peer-led. It is awesome and I am so thankful that *this* is his scouting experience.
For the curious, google “mova 2022” and you will see things about the Swiss National Jamboree, which happens every 14 years. Last summer was truly once in a lifetime for my boy.
If my scout life had been like that (instead of cookie sales and homemaking badges), I might have stayed with it longer.
Omg that last quote. On so many levels.
Infuriating. Screaming all the cuss words at my screen.
I watched the documentary after first learning about this horrible issue from your article here