I feel like a damn hypocrite. Both my son and daughter LOVE Scouts BSA and we are heavily involved. As a former victim, no matter what activity my children are in, I am HYPER vigilant, so I knew what I was getting into when I signed them up. Like Catholicism, the core of BSA is beautiful and something I strongly support. But like Catholicism, those in charge take advantage for their own personal gain and it fucks the rest of us up. The shit from this is rolling downhill. The victims aren't getting their justice. Those currently in are paying for the sins of their predecessors. Literally. Our yearly dues almost doubled this year. We've been told the settlement has little to do with it, but that's bull. They filed bankruptcy to protect their huge amounts of landownership so they wouldn't have to sell them to pay the settlement. It's so fucked up and I'm just so mad that people take advantage of innocent children. The waves from abuse seem to never end. Ugh.
This turned into a giant rant and I'm sorry. I'm just so mad about all of this. Mad at the BSA. Mad at abusers. Mad at the system. It's all so fucked up.
They won't get rid of SOL laws because despite all the pearl clutching and talk about groomers, conservatives don't believe that rape exists, that all "victims" of any age or sex are liars, and if it was real they would have let everyone know right away, and just shut up and keep it swept under the rug! Prove me wrong.
This is just heartbreaking and frustrating. Oregon's limitations are weird - with caveats about before victims turn 30 if they were under 18. Otherwise, it depends on the offense, but 12 years seems to be the limit for those 18 and over. Now I'm going to check to see if there is anyone pushing through a change to no limit.
I should do some more reading on statutes of limitation and why they exist so I can have a well-informed opinion. With that caveat, maybe they shouldn't for serious crimes against people like murder and rape or sexual assault. It doesn't seem like justice for the survivor of a crime to live with the effects every day while the perpetrator can run out the clock and get away with it.
This is why I'll never be a lawyer: I don't give a damn what the law says unless it supports justice, tempered with mercy and compassion. I'm pretty sure the Bible has some things to say about those concepts, but you wouldn't know it from the Christians who love to pray and posture in public. The Bible has a few things to say about that sort of person, too.
There are many reasons a child does not 'tell on' their abusers.
The following contains an account of sexual abuse of a child. Although not told in detail, please be forewarned if you are sensitive to stories of abuse...
I was sexually abused by two much older boys shortly after I turned six. They knew what they were doing was wrong. After luring me into the woods with candy and sexualizing me (affecting me terribly for the rest of my life), they threatened me. If I told, our house would burn down! I couldn't go anywhere for many years to visit relatives or for sleepovers because I was terrified our house would be set on fire (even though I kept my dirty secret stuffed down into my guts). I had to BE THERE to save my family.
They also made me feel like I was 'dirty', a natural born slut who deserved what I got. They told me I was 'asking for it' after all. Asking for it at SIX?! I carried the shame of this abuse being my own fault like a brand all my life. That because of who or what I was intrinsically, an irresistible little sexpot, this abuse was ALL MY FAULT! I had brought it all on myself.
Believing them, that they were unable to control themselves because of what I was (my fault because I was so damn alluring at six) combined with the threats shut me up but good.
My mother knew something was wrong but couldn't get me to talk about it ever. While we were alone on her nineteenth birthday, she had one of the lucid moments that shone through her dementia. She turned to me and said, "What happened when Jay and Eddie brought you home saying you were lost in the woods?" She had known their story was complete BS because I knew the woods like the back of my hand but I STILL couldn't tell her OVER FIFTY YEARS LATER. I couldn't even tell MYSELF.
That knowledge was stuffed into files in my gut that I was too terrified to open - too terrified to remember those details. But it was always there. The buried abuse affected me and every relationship I had for my entire life.
I don't know why, perhaps it was a Hundredth Monkey effect, but about a month before the Weinstein horrors hit the news and helped start the MeToo movement, I began to have flashbacks. My once tightly closed files began leaking and turned into a flood. Memories so long suppressed... I freaked out so badly I chugged almost an entire bottle of vodka and nearly died. My husband was like a rock, listening to the disgusting, soul-shattering, never-before-told tale of what had happened pouring out of me in a frenzy, getting me on my feet, cleaning up the vomit. Unfortunately for me, I have what is sometimes referred to as hyperthymesia and remember too vividly things best forgotten (most likely due to my autism diagnosed very late in life). Also unfortunately, I now only have Medicare which doesn’t provide the therapy I need for the challenges and difficulties of my late diagnosis, especially after recalling this abuse.
This is the first time I have opened up about this publicly. Most of my friends and family don't know. Unbelievably, when I briefly touched on the subject in a session when I could still afford therapy, it was brushed aside! I must say, after 40 years of seeing multiple therapists for my extreme depression and anxiety I feel like I deserve multiple refunds. Not a one of them caught that I am ASD and profoundly so. To be fair, my high IQ made me an excellent masker.
Although I live in a different state now, I found out not long ago that one of my abusers lives near me. I can't decide what to do. I feel as if he should be told how his abuse effed up my life so completely and even more importantly, I fear he may possibly still be an abuser! I am afraid I might run into him. People have told me that I should just leave it alone. One formally close 'friend' even said, "What about HIS family?!" What?!! It's hard to even think about confronting him but at least my wonderful (albeit flawed and readily admits so) husband is behind me 100%. Just the thought of doing this is making me sick to my stomach right now. However, both of these men should not be allowed to think of themselves as upstanding, fine individuals who merely 'played doctor' with a little girl as if she was just an object, setting her up for a life of sexual abuse as being something natural and acceptable for one 'such as her'.
What I read in my 1st grade report card, written after the abuse especially haunts me. Where I lived there was no kindergarten but when I entered 1st grade I had already learned to read. In the first semester my teacher often had me tutor some of the other kids who were struggling to learn their ABCs.
After the abuse, she wrote, "Tana used to be so engaged with school and the other children. Now she just stares out the window..."
I don't have words for this. This is the kind of stuff that makes people so angry, so aware of hypocrites, so untethered by the injustice of it all that they want to do something terrible. Want to stop the violence of today? #MeToo about everything--the sanctimonious prescriptions for obedience, at the cost of wrecked lives. I am so, so sorry.
This was timely for my own life as it's currently troop recruitment season in my area. My daughters are in Girl Scout troops and have loved the summer camps. My Eagle Scout husband had wonderful impactful Boy Scout experiences and volunteered for years as an adult troop leader before we had children. One of our family values is having the ability to go on outdoorsy adventures. Unfortunately, the Girl Scout troops that work for our family's schedule do not focus on those experiences. In the "troop-led" model, my daughters are continually outvoted and end up doing volunteer projects at the animal shelter instead of camping. While I have nothing against community service, we are already teaching those values through our church, Girls on the Run, and Beta Club. Meanwhile, the local Scouts BSA troop is made up of my kids' close friends and run by my husband's two dad friends. They go hiking all over the state.
I've been having serious inner turmoil about if we need to make the switch, and it's reporting like this that makes the situation complicated. (Thanks, Lyz, sincerely and also a little sarcastically.)
And can I just say... the idea that my kids could both join a single Scouts BSA troop is incredibly appealing logistically. The Girl Scouts don't support multi-grade models so that's double the mental load for my family.
Euh. My son is a Scout-- but in Switzerland, where scouting is mixed (there are some all-girl units, by choice) AND is peer-led. It is awesome and I am so thankful that *this* is his scouting experience.
For the curious, google “mova 2022” and you will see things about the Swiss National Jamboree, which happens every 14 years. Last summer was truly once in a lifetime for my boy.
If my scout life had been like that (instead of cookie sales and homemaking badges), I might have stayed with it longer.
Despite a $2.46 Billion Settlement, Many Boy Scout Abuse Victims Won’t See Justice
I feel like a damn hypocrite. Both my son and daughter LOVE Scouts BSA and we are heavily involved. As a former victim, no matter what activity my children are in, I am HYPER vigilant, so I knew what I was getting into when I signed them up. Like Catholicism, the core of BSA is beautiful and something I strongly support. But like Catholicism, those in charge take advantage for their own personal gain and it fucks the rest of us up. The shit from this is rolling downhill. The victims aren't getting their justice. Those currently in are paying for the sins of their predecessors. Literally. Our yearly dues almost doubled this year. We've been told the settlement has little to do with it, but that's bull. They filed bankruptcy to protect their huge amounts of landownership so they wouldn't have to sell them to pay the settlement. It's so fucked up and I'm just so mad that people take advantage of innocent children. The waves from abuse seem to never end. Ugh.
This turned into a giant rant and I'm sorry. I'm just so mad about all of this. Mad at the BSA. Mad at abusers. Mad at the system. It's all so fucked up.
They won't get rid of SOL laws because despite all the pearl clutching and talk about groomers, conservatives don't believe that rape exists, that all "victims" of any age or sex are liars, and if it was real they would have let everyone know right away, and just shut up and keep it swept under the rug! Prove me wrong.
This is just heartbreaking and frustrating. Oregon's limitations are weird - with caveats about before victims turn 30 if they were under 18. Otherwise, it depends on the offense, but 12 years seems to be the limit for those 18 and over. Now I'm going to check to see if there is anyone pushing through a change to no limit.
BUT BUT BUT DRAG QUEENS! 🤪
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
I should do some more reading on statutes of limitation and why they exist so I can have a well-informed opinion. With that caveat, maybe they shouldn't for serious crimes against people like murder and rape or sexual assault. It doesn't seem like justice for the survivor of a crime to live with the effects every day while the perpetrator can run out the clock and get away with it.
This is why I'll never be a lawyer: I don't give a damn what the law says unless it supports justice, tempered with mercy and compassion. I'm pretty sure the Bible has some things to say about those concepts, but you wouldn't know it from the Christians who love to pray and posture in public. The Bible has a few things to say about that sort of person, too.
Thank you as always for your reporting. This is a classic example of how the patriarchy hurts men too.
So who gets all the money if the victims aren’t paid out? Does it go back to BSA? Or lawyers? Such a heartbreaking story.
We eliminated the SoL on civil claims in CO in 2021. Hope other states follow!
There are many reasons a child does not 'tell on' their abusers.
The following contains an account of sexual abuse of a child. Although not told in detail, please be forewarned if you are sensitive to stories of abuse...
I was sexually abused by two much older boys shortly after I turned six. They knew what they were doing was wrong. After luring me into the woods with candy and sexualizing me (affecting me terribly for the rest of my life), they threatened me. If I told, our house would burn down! I couldn't go anywhere for many years to visit relatives or for sleepovers because I was terrified our house would be set on fire (even though I kept my dirty secret stuffed down into my guts). I had to BE THERE to save my family.
They also made me feel like I was 'dirty', a natural born slut who deserved what I got. They told me I was 'asking for it' after all. Asking for it at SIX?! I carried the shame of this abuse being my own fault like a brand all my life. That because of who or what I was intrinsically, an irresistible little sexpot, this abuse was ALL MY FAULT! I had brought it all on myself.
Believing them, that they were unable to control themselves because of what I was (my fault because I was so damn alluring at six) combined with the threats shut me up but good.
My mother knew something was wrong but couldn't get me to talk about it ever. While we were alone on her nineteenth birthday, she had one of the lucid moments that shone through her dementia. She turned to me and said, "What happened when Jay and Eddie brought you home saying you were lost in the woods?" She had known their story was complete BS because I knew the woods like the back of my hand but I STILL couldn't tell her OVER FIFTY YEARS LATER. I couldn't even tell MYSELF.
That knowledge was stuffed into files in my gut that I was too terrified to open - too terrified to remember those details. But it was always there. The buried abuse affected me and every relationship I had for my entire life.
I don't know why, perhaps it was a Hundredth Monkey effect, but about a month before the Weinstein horrors hit the news and helped start the MeToo movement, I began to have flashbacks. My once tightly closed files began leaking and turned into a flood. Memories so long suppressed... I freaked out so badly I chugged almost an entire bottle of vodka and nearly died. My husband was like a rock, listening to the disgusting, soul-shattering, never-before-told tale of what had happened pouring out of me in a frenzy, getting me on my feet, cleaning up the vomit. Unfortunately for me, I have what is sometimes referred to as hyperthymesia and remember too vividly things best forgotten (most likely due to my autism diagnosed very late in life). Also unfortunately, I now only have Medicare which doesn’t provide the therapy I need for the challenges and difficulties of my late diagnosis, especially after recalling this abuse.
This is the first time I have opened up about this publicly. Most of my friends and family don't know. Unbelievably, when I briefly touched on the subject in a session when I could still afford therapy, it was brushed aside! I must say, after 40 years of seeing multiple therapists for my extreme depression and anxiety I feel like I deserve multiple refunds. Not a one of them caught that I am ASD and profoundly so. To be fair, my high IQ made me an excellent masker.
Although I live in a different state now, I found out not long ago that one of my abusers lives near me. I can't decide what to do. I feel as if he should be told how his abuse effed up my life so completely and even more importantly, I fear he may possibly still be an abuser! I am afraid I might run into him. People have told me that I should just leave it alone. One formally close 'friend' even said, "What about HIS family?!" What?!! It's hard to even think about confronting him but at least my wonderful (albeit flawed and readily admits so) husband is behind me 100%. Just the thought of doing this is making me sick to my stomach right now. However, both of these men should not be allowed to think of themselves as upstanding, fine individuals who merely 'played doctor' with a little girl as if she was just an object, setting her up for a life of sexual abuse as being something natural and acceptable for one 'such as her'.
What I read in my 1st grade report card, written after the abuse especially haunts me. Where I lived there was no kindergarten but when I entered 1st grade I had already learned to read. In the first semester my teacher often had me tutor some of the other kids who were struggling to learn their ABCs.
After the abuse, she wrote, "Tana used to be so engaged with school and the other children. Now she just stares out the window..."
I don't have words for this. This is the kind of stuff that makes people so angry, so aware of hypocrites, so untethered by the injustice of it all that they want to do something terrible. Want to stop the violence of today? #MeToo about everything--the sanctimonious prescriptions for obedience, at the cost of wrecked lives. I am so, so sorry.
This was timely for my own life as it's currently troop recruitment season in my area. My daughters are in Girl Scout troops and have loved the summer camps. My Eagle Scout husband had wonderful impactful Boy Scout experiences and volunteered for years as an adult troop leader before we had children. One of our family values is having the ability to go on outdoorsy adventures. Unfortunately, the Girl Scout troops that work for our family's schedule do not focus on those experiences. In the "troop-led" model, my daughters are continually outvoted and end up doing volunteer projects at the animal shelter instead of camping. While I have nothing against community service, we are already teaching those values through our church, Girls on the Run, and Beta Club. Meanwhile, the local Scouts BSA troop is made up of my kids' close friends and run by my husband's two dad friends. They go hiking all over the state.
I've been having serious inner turmoil about if we need to make the switch, and it's reporting like this that makes the situation complicated. (Thanks, Lyz, sincerely and also a little sarcastically.)
And can I just say... the idea that my kids could both join a single Scouts BSA troop is incredibly appealing logistically. The Girl Scouts don't support multi-grade models so that's double the mental load for my family.
Euh. My son is a Scout-- but in Switzerland, where scouting is mixed (there are some all-girl units, by choice) AND is peer-led. It is awesome and I am so thankful that *this* is his scouting experience.
For the curious, google “mova 2022” and you will see things about the Swiss National Jamboree, which happens every 14 years. Last summer was truly once in a lifetime for my boy.
If my scout life had been like that (instead of cookie sales and homemaking badges), I might have stayed with it longer.
Omg that last quote. On so many levels.
Infuriating. Screaming all the cuss words at my screen.
I watched the documentary after first learning about this horrible issue from your article here