I am a little miffed about you name-dropping "a lot of communication and pop tarts" just before I could announce it as the theme for our staff development program this summer, but I snoozed and thereby lose-ed. TGIF, done and done.
I saw the bit about the silversmith and thought "how random, that reminds me of Johnn--- OH NO SHE DIDN'T" and then I died in my very seat. Please send supportive thoughts to my coworkers who will have to drag my corpse from my cubicle.
Lyz, you legend, you treasure, you soul-mate of baby Abigayle who carried a Johnny Tremain paperback around like a security blanket for the first 2 months of 6th grade. We don't deserve you.
This year's relay was so good! Thank you as always to all the folks in this community who ordered us the pop tarts and sour patch kids that sustained us. And for the donations to Iowa Trans Mutual Aid or Iowa Abortion Access Fund (or both!) that ensured our silly adventure made a big difference in the state of Iowa.
I really put myself out there this year and reached out to other teams on the road and at the checkpoints and it was great. People had heard of us! I even have tentative plans with another runner (Human Etch a Sketch) to go for a run when he's in Connecticut. Powered by Hamm's even vandalized both our vehicles with a window-paint PBH tag. Last year's teammates wished so badly they could run with us this year. We got a new corn sweat sign from Lisa!
Our team worked together so well. My favorite runs were when we grouped up for the last ~30 miles and we dominated the sidewalks of Dubuque for that last mile to the finish line. The rave is the reason. The friends are the rave. The rave is the friends. The friends are the reason. The malort is the rave. The rave is the medicine. The malort is the medicine. The medicine is the friends. The miles are the medicine. The hills are the reason. The relay is the rave. It's a rave not a race. The high fructose corn sweat is not a cult.
We were chatting with some people at a rest stop in Western Kansas yesterday and I was wearing Relay Iowa swag and the couple excitedly asked about the event (like most folks they knew about Ragbrai but not Relay). Word is spreading!!!
“It’s nice to see an offer to teach young children about work ethic and responsibility while having a little fun at the same time.” —> I appreciate this person’s open acknowledgment that it will only be a little fun. Similar to how conventional summer camps are barely any fun at all.
Great column Lyz! We needed that on this Friday! And YES! Chik-fil-A food SUCKS. And yes the two local franchises are ALWAYS PACKED because the plentiful local MAGAs eat Chik-fil-A crap pretty much all the time just to OWN THE LIBS.
I'm rooting really hard for the cholesterol, just saying.
Martha Ann should absolutely be the new "Karen." I have a lovely family member named Karen who does not at all deserve to be a hated meme. She's an awesome mom and wife. I think we can all agree that Martha Ann is a better target meme than Karen, right? After all Martha Ann says "I'm German. I'm from Germany. My heritage is German. You come after me, I'm going to give it back to you."
There are a LOT of awesome Karens in this country! I haven't met a single Martha Ann, to be honest. It's a boomer name, probably mostly German immigrants. How many of them even know what a substack IS???
Look, it also works in practice. "Central Park Amy Cooper was a real Martha Ann!"
Hey, Martha Ann, some of us libs are German, too! One of my grandmas is nicer than any of your grandmas, and my other grandma can bake more pies before 5 am than all of your grandmas can bake in a week!
Hijole! Bailamos con Enrique! What a way to start my Friday!!!! And the footnotes = hilarious! Btw, I completely agree with your completely unbiased assessment of the chicken in question!
Wait. So $35 for three hours? Isn't that more than minimum wage down there ? The employees have to PAY more than they make for this! I need a drink now and I haven't had breakfast yet. Shout out to my husband who pointed that out after I read this to him.
Chick-fil-A as a company is doing what all good little Christian companies are doing these days, supporting and sponsoring relaxed child labor laws. All the while, they're patiently waiting on public education to die so they can employ the poor little buggers who cantget into private schools.
As a liberal parent it is disheartening af trying to explain the complexities of politics and certain crappy food and retail chains. These dumb kids still want to eat Chic-fil-yuck and shop at Walmart 🙄
I had "Media internship" and my friend Kate suggested the Congressional Page Program and she's obviously right. I am so lucky to have friends who don't sue me.
Why are we funny in Australia? Because the first inhabitants - who are still here after 70,000 years - were so good at survival that they sorted out their food by morning tea time, and spent the rest of the day hanging out with each other and the kids, making jokes and playing. Remember, they lived in the really good bits before my ancestors (who hadn't even managed to get out of Africa 70,000 years ago) invaded, and yet they still have the driest, most awesome sense of humour. These are the people who ate the crocodile - because what else do you do with your enemy?
I may not have the name right, but there was a TV series called Bush Mechanics that is the funniest thing I have ever seen. They can get a vehicle going with a couple of cable ties and a box of washing powder. I remember one episode where the gear box was stuffed, so they had to drive backwards (which was the only gear that worked) for something like 100km. On dirt roads...
FYI, Bush Mechanics *is* on YT! And it will go into my queue right now, because it sounds like something to watch. Thanks for the rec (or "reccy" if you're Aussie? I know you Aussies like to shorten / nickname everything.)
Thanks for checking, I didn't manage to see all of it when it first came out - I can watch it again!
Reccy is actually short for reconnoitre:
to inspect, observe, or survey (the enemy, the enemy's strength or position, a region, etc.) in order to gain information for military purposes.
to examine or survey (a region, area, etc.) for engineering, geological, or other purposes.
Yes, we do use it, but more informally - "have a bit of a reccy to check out the new pub". I've always suspected that Australian English has more words than just about any other language, as we borrow words from UK English and US English, as well as use all our own. I think we get our love of language from the Irish settlers.
Johnny Tremain shout-out?!? Lyz. LYZ. Today's DotW slays. Suck it, redcoats.
I am a little miffed about you name-dropping "a lot of communication and pop tarts" just before I could announce it as the theme for our staff development program this summer, but I snoozed and thereby lose-ed. TGIF, done and done.
I saw the bit about the silversmith and thought "how random, that reminds me of Johnn--- OH NO SHE DIDN'T" and then I died in my very seat. Please send supportive thoughts to my coworkers who will have to drag my corpse from my cubicle.
Lyz, you legend, you treasure, you soul-mate of baby Abigayle who carried a Johnny Tremain paperback around like a security blanket for the first 2 months of 6th grade. We don't deserve you.
I make content for the weird girls, the girls who had books as best friends. We are legion.
I was all about Reb
This year's relay was so good! Thank you as always to all the folks in this community who ordered us the pop tarts and sour patch kids that sustained us. And for the donations to Iowa Trans Mutual Aid or Iowa Abortion Access Fund (or both!) that ensured our silly adventure made a big difference in the state of Iowa.
I really put myself out there this year and reached out to other teams on the road and at the checkpoints and it was great. People had heard of us! I even have tentative plans with another runner (Human Etch a Sketch) to go for a run when he's in Connecticut. Powered by Hamm's even vandalized both our vehicles with a window-paint PBH tag. Last year's teammates wished so badly they could run with us this year. We got a new corn sweat sign from Lisa!
Our team worked together so well. My favorite runs were when we grouped up for the last ~30 miles and we dominated the sidewalks of Dubuque for that last mile to the finish line. The rave is the reason. The friends are the rave. The rave is the friends. The friends are the reason. The malort is the rave. The rave is the medicine. The malort is the medicine. The medicine is the friends. The miles are the medicine. The hills are the reason. The relay is the rave. It's a rave not a race. The high fructose corn sweat is not a cult.
We were chatting with some people at a rest stop in Western Kansas yesterday and I was wearing Relay Iowa swag and the couple excitedly asked about the event (like most folks they knew about Ragbrai but not Relay). Word is spreading!!!
We are such good marketing. And we missed you Gabs!
Congratulations to you all on a well-run (not a) race!
YES POPEYES.
“It’s nice to see an offer to teach young children about work ethic and responsibility while having a little fun at the same time.” —> I appreciate this person’s open acknowledgment that it will only be a little fun. Similar to how conventional summer camps are barely any fun at all.
Great column Lyz! We needed that on this Friday! And YES! Chik-fil-A food SUCKS. And yes the two local franchises are ALWAYS PACKED because the plentiful local MAGAs eat Chik-fil-A crap pretty much all the time just to OWN THE LIBS.
I'm rooting really hard for the cholesterol, just saying.
Martha Ann should absolutely be the new "Karen." I have a lovely family member named Karen who does not at all deserve to be a hated meme. She's an awesome mom and wife. I think we can all agree that Martha Ann is a better target meme than Karen, right? After all Martha Ann says "I'm German. I'm from Germany. My heritage is German. You come after me, I'm going to give it back to you."
Bring it, Alito!
As a Karen, totes agree with you on making Martha Ann the new Karen!
I do not have enough upvotes for your comment!!! Please, let us make this happen!! I WANT MAY DAMN NAME BACK!!!!
There are a LOT of awesome Karens in this country! I haven't met a single Martha Ann, to be honest. It's a boomer name, probably mostly German immigrants. How many of them even know what a substack IS???
Look, it also works in practice. "Central Park Amy Cooper was a real Martha Ann!"
Hey, Martha Ann, some of us libs are German, too! One of my grandmas is nicer than any of your grandmas, and my other grandma can bake more pies before 5 am than all of your grandmas can bake in a week!
HERE HERE!! Let this happen!!
I don't eat meat anymore (humble brag) but I ate today's newsletter up!!! Lyz out here with the best takes.
Snort laughed at the HEY-YO! in the first footnote. Comic genius.
That was initially just a comment for my editor, who told me to make it a footnote. And that's why editors are so important.
FACTS!
I'm thinking up ways to use "mid" on my grandkids so I can be "cringe".
Hijole! Bailamos con Enrique! What a way to start my Friday!!!! And the footnotes = hilarious! Btw, I completely agree with your completely unbiased assessment of the chicken in question!
I never eat at Chik-Fil-A for a reason. And it has nothing to do with their food.
Wait. So $35 for three hours? Isn't that more than minimum wage down there ? The employees have to PAY more than they make for this! I need a drink now and I haven't had breakfast yet. Shout out to my husband who pointed that out after I read this to him.
Chick-fil-A as a company is doing what all good little Christian companies are doing these days, supporting and sponsoring relaxed child labor laws. All the while, they're patiently waiting on public education to die so they can employ the poor little buggers who cantget into private schools.
Totally!
As a liberal parent it is disheartening af trying to explain the complexities of politics and certain crappy food and retail chains. These dumb kids still want to eat Chic-fil-yuck and shop at Walmart 🙄
"That’s community. That’s my antidote to despair. Going together."
This is something I had to discover! Thanks for all your writing and insights.
Popeyes is the superior chicken, all thinking people know this! Especially the spicy chicken.
I fucking died at "the Congressional Page Program".
I had "Media internship" and my friend Kate suggested the Congressional Page Program and she's obviously right. I am so lucky to have friends who don't sue me.
Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Summer Camp: It's fire! FTW!
Why are we funny in Australia? Because the first inhabitants - who are still here after 70,000 years - were so good at survival that they sorted out their food by morning tea time, and spent the rest of the day hanging out with each other and the kids, making jokes and playing. Remember, they lived in the really good bits before my ancestors (who hadn't even managed to get out of Africa 70,000 years ago) invaded, and yet they still have the driest, most awesome sense of humour. These are the people who ate the crocodile - because what else do you do with your enemy?
I may not have the name right, but there was a TV series called Bush Mechanics that is the funniest thing I have ever seen. They can get a vehicle going with a couple of cable ties and a box of washing powder. I remember one episode where the gear box was stuffed, so they had to drive backwards (which was the only gear that worked) for something like 100km. On dirt roads...
Hopefully it's somewhere on YouTube!
Thank you for the insight! It's very important.
FYI, Bush Mechanics *is* on YT! And it will go into my queue right now, because it sounds like something to watch. Thanks for the rec (or "reccy" if you're Aussie? I know you Aussies like to shorten / nickname everything.)
Thanks for checking, I didn't manage to see all of it when it first came out - I can watch it again!
Reccy is actually short for reconnoitre:
to inspect, observe, or survey (the enemy, the enemy's strength or position, a region, etc.) in order to gain information for military purposes.
to examine or survey (a region, area, etc.) for engineering, geological, or other purposes.
Yes, we do use it, but more informally - "have a bit of a reccy to check out the new pub". I've always suspected that Australian English has more words than just about any other language, as we borrow words from UK English and US English, as well as use all our own. I think we get our love of language from the Irish settlers.