Truly. Kelly's story, while specific to Meta, felt so deeply universal at least to my experience. I thought we'd all relate and maybe see within it a bigger system-wide problem and a way through it.
This was my experience as well in Canada, although it involved intense bullying and gaslighting (I hate that word, but can't think of how else to describe what happened.) After five years, I went on medical leave and was terminated without cause. It's been 2.5 years and I understand the feelings of shame Kelly speaks about.
I also think the way through it is to remove ourselves from these jobs that ultimately will kill us. If not literally, then figuratively. I too, thought I could change a dysfunctional system and business from the inside. I was wrong. I'm glad to be out of it, but the healing hasn't been easy and dealing with the legal aspect is exhausting. However, much like Kelly, not standing up for myself once I was out and had some much needed perspective, wasn't an option. So, we persist. Great column Lyz. Thanks for sharing Kelly's story.
I subscribe to r/womenintech on Reddit and it's FILLED with these stories. So AWFUL. Let's hope the courts will show justice in a way Stonelake's working world did not.
As a former Bay Area HR professional, I am shocked that Facebook's organizational culture was allowed to be so obviously toxic, and that the men there were explicitly afraid of recognizing her accomplishments because it might threaten their fellows.
OTOH, my daughter is a software engineer. She witnessed first-hand that a "joking" atmosphere about bodies was part of the environment. She also saw men getting raises and promotions without asking, while women had to push for their own advancement. I'm thrilled that she's now working at a woman-owned tech company.
So disturbing but not surprising at all. Thanks for sharing Kelly's story -- it deserves to be heard, to shed light on just how bad things are. Although I can already hear the gaslighting from the men who benefit from this kind of culture -- she wants attention, she's twisting the situation, that's not really what it was like, she didn't deserve the promotion, etc etc etc. And everyone believes the man, of course. In this divided world, there are two "truths," and this one will never be heard or accepted by people who benefit from continued sexism (and white supremacy, etc). Unless, of course, it catches up to them in court. So glad she's suing and so deeply hoping she wins.
Ugh. As someone who has worked in product development for tech companies for 30+ years, this is all too familiar. (And yea, her comment about loving the work itself also resonates!) Thanks for sharing her story. She is brave to do that, and I hope has the financial resources to make a career change. Because the unfortunate reality is that she will likely now be blackballed despite her talent, skills, and integrity.
This article about Meta’s current round of layoffs is revealing: https://www.thestreet.com/employment/metas-recent-layoffs-take-an-unexpected-turn. I was laid off last fall, primarily because of my refusal to make up negative performance feedback about someone on my team so they could be fired (rather than laid off, which would save the company a severance package). A VP and SVP above me (both men) agreed with my stance, supported me, and also lost their jobs. It’s rough out there right now, and getting worse.
Thanks, Lyz. Your column underscores and validates my decision to severe ties with nearly all news media in favor of solid, humane news reporting from local writers like yourself.
The rage this piece induced makes me feel so gross knowing that it happens ALL THE DAMN TIME and NOTHING HAPPENS TO THE BAD PEOPLE. Ugh I hate it all. I've been trying to write a pithy comment for 20 minutes but the rage won't let me.
When we talk about the gender wage gap, this is part of the conversation. Plenty of women are qualified for high paying jobs in tech but the work culture is so toxic for them. There’s a push to recruit more women and girls into the industry but nothing is being done to welcome them in the workplace. Worse, they are actively being forced out in the most emotionally and physically ways. Human Resources departments prioritize protecting the company from lawsuits rather than addressing the systemic misogyny and rape culture within the organization.
I have never worked in tech, and I’m old now, but the type of experience of a male peer or supervisor attempting to put his hands in your pants and kiss you - and then pass out on your bed - is pretty universal. As I read this piece, I realized just how common a scenario like this one is and always has been. Can you imagine what kind of scorn would be directed to a woman who behaved like this? It’s (nearly) laughable.
It is unfortunate that likely every woman has multiple similar stories no matter what her field or job. Good for her for talking about this and doing what she can. This gives me hope and thank you for pointing out the hope along with the crazy ;)
I suspect that practically every woman can relate. Thank you for suing Meta! It deserves to be called out and shamed.
Truly. Kelly's story, while specific to Meta, felt so deeply universal at least to my experience. I thought we'd all relate and maybe see within it a bigger system-wide problem and a way through it.
This was my experience as well in Canada, although it involved intense bullying and gaslighting (I hate that word, but can't think of how else to describe what happened.) After five years, I went on medical leave and was terminated without cause. It's been 2.5 years and I understand the feelings of shame Kelly speaks about.
I also think the way through it is to remove ourselves from these jobs that ultimately will kill us. If not literally, then figuratively. I too, thought I could change a dysfunctional system and business from the inside. I was wrong. I'm glad to be out of it, but the healing hasn't been easy and dealing with the legal aspect is exhausting. However, much like Kelly, not standing up for myself once I was out and had some much needed perspective, wasn't an option. So, we persist. Great column Lyz. Thanks for sharing Kelly's story.
I subscribe to r/womenintech on Reddit and it's FILLED with these stories. So AWFUL. Let's hope the courts will show justice in a way Stonelake's working world did not.
I’m pretty sure a couple of those stories are mine! 😭
It‘s sometimes a depressing place, and I wish more men paid attention (and not just the trolls).
As a former Bay Area HR professional, I am shocked that Facebook's organizational culture was allowed to be so obviously toxic, and that the men there were explicitly afraid of recognizing her accomplishments because it might threaten their fellows.
OTOH, my daughter is a software engineer. She witnessed first-hand that a "joking" atmosphere about bodies was part of the environment. She also saw men getting raises and promotions without asking, while women had to push for their own advancement. I'm thrilled that she's now working at a woman-owned tech company.
Great column, Lyz. This is very enlightening and troubling information about Facebook/Meta.
I hope Kelly gets the victory she deserves.
So disturbing but not surprising at all. Thanks for sharing Kelly's story -- it deserves to be heard, to shed light on just how bad things are. Although I can already hear the gaslighting from the men who benefit from this kind of culture -- she wants attention, she's twisting the situation, that's not really what it was like, she didn't deserve the promotion, etc etc etc. And everyone believes the man, of course. In this divided world, there are two "truths," and this one will never be heard or accepted by people who benefit from continued sexism (and white supremacy, etc). Unless, of course, it catches up to them in court. So glad she's suing and so deeply hoping she wins.
Ugh. As someone who has worked in product development for tech companies for 30+ years, this is all too familiar. (And yea, her comment about loving the work itself also resonates!) Thanks for sharing her story. She is brave to do that, and I hope has the financial resources to make a career change. Because the unfortunate reality is that she will likely now be blackballed despite her talent, skills, and integrity.
This article about Meta’s current round of layoffs is revealing: https://www.thestreet.com/employment/metas-recent-layoffs-take-an-unexpected-turn. I was laid off last fall, primarily because of my refusal to make up negative performance feedback about someone on my team so they could be fired (rather than laid off, which would save the company a severance package). A VP and SVP above me (both men) agreed with my stance, supported me, and also lost their jobs. It’s rough out there right now, and getting worse.
Thanks, Lyz. Your column underscores and validates my decision to severe ties with nearly all news media in favor of solid, humane news reporting from local writers like yourself.
The rage this piece induced makes me feel so gross knowing that it happens ALL THE DAMN TIME and NOTHING HAPPENS TO THE BAD PEOPLE. Ugh I hate it all. I've been trying to write a pithy comment for 20 minutes but the rage won't let me.
When we talk about the gender wage gap, this is part of the conversation. Plenty of women are qualified for high paying jobs in tech but the work culture is so toxic for them. There’s a push to recruit more women and girls into the industry but nothing is being done to welcome them in the workplace. Worse, they are actively being forced out in the most emotionally and physically ways. Human Resources departments prioritize protecting the company from lawsuits rather than addressing the systemic misogyny and rape culture within the organization.
It's not just tech. It's everywhere. I went to HR many, many years ago in the media industry. It was such bullshit.
I have never worked in tech, and I’m old now, but the type of experience of a male peer or supervisor attempting to put his hands in your pants and kiss you - and then pass out on your bed - is pretty universal. As I read this piece, I realized just how common a scenario like this one is and always has been. Can you imagine what kind of scorn would be directed to a woman who behaved like this? It’s (nearly) laughable.
I hope her lawyers are hyper intelligent junk yard dogs who will fight for her and a big chunk of Yuckerberg’s wealth.
It is unfortunate that likely every woman has multiple similar stories no matter what her field or job. Good for her for talking about this and doing what she can. This gives me hope and thank you for pointing out the hope along with the crazy ;)
Well Zuck should be delighted that his vaunted "masculine energy" was in fact there all along. /VOMIT/