The common denominator to all these themes is powerful men manipulating women and societal expectations of women to their own selfish and amoral ends. I’d write immoral but there is no moral component to these men’s cognitive functions - immorality should be tied to an acknowledgment of accepted standards of right and wrong. The GOP left that conversation in 2015.
Ghislaine Maxwell is not a scapegoat. As one of the lawyers for some Epstein victims pointed out, she was a crucial part of the scheme to lure girls to his place. She literally used a cute dog to meet eighth graders at a park! Many of the girls would have been reluctant to go along with some middle aged man who approached them, but she seemed elegant and trustworthy.
I’m aware. She also was convicted of participating in abuse which is highlighted above. But her use of the scapegoat/martyr narrative is one I think we should call out and I did.
I am an older man who worked in NYC till retirement. Trump was a gossip column favorite going back to the 1980s. Melania does not seem to have a role in Trump's abuse. She seems to be a sphinx - with no real opinions at all. Speaking as a voter who is nominally liberal, we have no opinion of her except that she is just a doormat for him. Not a victim but a willing accessory for a man who likes cheap and gaudy accessories.
She wrote a whole entire book about how much she approved of him and his policies and supports him. I reviewed it last year on this very newsletter. This, I think, supports my thesis that sometimes we see only what we want
For old folks like myself - old liberal voters, we stopped thinking much of Trump 30 years ago. So Melania - and did she actually write her book? Was just another accessory. I say this as someone in financial services. I worked for a large insurer - and insurers typcially insure large real estate project. At some point in the 1990s, Trump came to a competitor to fund his business - they passed. He never came to my company (the handwriting for him was on the wall - no US lender was interested). So I guess old folks like me stopped thinking that there was more to learn about him even 30 years ago.
Trump and I are similar in age. Fauci is just a few years older. We are all bridge and tunnel guys - so not Manhattanites.
Fauci and I.even applied to the same highlty competitive Catholic HS. I did not get it, Fauci did. But both of us did well in our academic careers. Trump hates strivers like us - he never employs the really best of us either and Trump's current cabinet is bereft of hard working serious types.
My point is that we think no more about Melania than we do about the silly gold leaf Trump puts everywhere.
Women have to think about other women. We don't have the luxury not to. Because internalized misogyny is a very addictive drug, and women can cause as much harm as men do in its service. We have to prepare ourselves for that, even as it has a way of surprising us every time.
Sorry, not sorry. Fuck cis-het men. They don't want women to expect to be taken care of, but then when a woman needs nothing (because I own my own house, my kids are grown, and I pay my own bills, thanks much) but good companionship and good sex they're like, "I need to be needed." FFS.
No apology necessary. It sounds like you've got almost everything you need/want, and you shouldn't settle for less! The patriarchy is a trap for us all, especially for those (mostly cis-het men) who do not see it as a trap.
As a middle-aged cis-het man I'm still working through my own "socialized in a capitalist patriarchy" stuff all the time. So if any other cis-het men are reading this comment or Asha's above and feel like it is personally directed to you, please just sit with that for a sec and think about why that might be.
I married a man a couple of years younger way way back. We met in high school. I think the age difference took away that need to be needed. Also, we were so young, I guess we needed each other.
I’m short so I usually need him to take things down from the high cabinets when I don’t feel like pulling out a ladder.
Thank you for this, it encapsulates a lot of my feelings right now. The quote from Jamie Lee Curtis does make me grit my teeth, considering her Zionism, it makes me feel that she specifically means white women and ideas about her specific generation's carefully crafted "natural" beauty.
Maxwell and Melania are simply MAGA women. Doing what they think is expected of them by their masters (men). What Maxwell did is a crime that deserves punishment. It's hard for me to feel sorry for her. As for Melania-there is a very bad word for her. She is complicit in helping to keep that evil man in power.
In California where the rent is high, people tend not to worry about what gender their roommate is - it’s just someone to share the expenses with. In the Midwest where I grew up, such an idea is considered scandalous. (PS: I still love the Midwest but California is my home.)
My grad school roommate in Pittsburgh was male. We were looking at a place and a private landlord turned us down like “Oh no, mixed gender roommates are nothing but trouble.” I lived in DC and yeah, COL is bad there and literally no one cared about the gender of the roommate.
My senior year in college, my roommates were a gay male couple (who are married and still together after 35+ years -- we reconnected last year.) I remember it really bothering my parents, and thought it was the gay thing (which it definitely was) but even knowing there was no sexual attraction there, living with guys was still a big deal. I just wanted someone who was reasonably clean and paid the rent on time, and that's what I got -- they were some of the best roommates I ever had.
One other thing Maxwell and Melania Trump have in common is you can’t believe anything they say anyway. Evidence supports their complicity. What do they really believe, “I don’t really care, do you?” to quote Melania’s jacket.
Thank you for this. (And thanks for the piece on describing powerful women as "men.")
About a month ago I was in a pizza place in Webster City. I sat at the bar and had a small pizza and made notes in my notebook, getting ready for a meeting with the Hamilton County Democrats.
As I ate my dinner, men spoke excitedly about watching Caitlin Clark play. The game got started and one old man in a military hat exclaimed loudly that the athletes wore loose shorts to cover their penises. He also commented on how large the women's shoulders were and that a number of them were men. I looked at him with the stinkiest of stink eyes and willed him to shut up. He did.
We can want equality and identify as feminist AND recognize that women can be awful! Maxwell is AWFUL. Mrs Trump is AWFUL. It in no way diminishes the horrible assholes that Epstein and Trump are. You can say patriarchy had a hand in it, but when you get all the way to LITERALLY RECRUITING MIDDLE SCHOOLERS IN A PARK, surely there were choices made.
The only way what's happened to Maxwell is unfair is by comparison to what's happened to all the many many men who were involved. Which is..... nothing. If we were to treat Maxwell the same way, that would be the textbook example for why we have the phrase, 'Two wrongs don't make a right.'
Two things are usually true at the same time: A person has been harmed by the system, and a person becomes complicit in the harm perpetrated by the system.
Any energy I spend judging the ratio between any individual person's degree of complicity and the harm they've suffered is pretty useless. (Unless it me assessing how complicit I am and have been.) Any energy I/we spend disrupting the system as best I/we can? Well then ...
There's no question in my mind that Donald Trump's upbringing was profoundly abusive. In this moment, the point is to stop him.
Here's what I don't understand (and I should be able to figure it out, but haven't stopped everything to dive into the muckiest of pools lest it be the quicksand of which I was terrified as a child.)
I know proactive pardons are possible, like what Biden gave Hunter and Liz Cheney. Is that what Trump would be giving her in exchange for testifying? Because that's what her lawyer should be going for. Otherwise, what she says is either going to be perjury or not quite shaded in the way that Trump wants. He wants to be excised from the picture like that cat in the iPhone commercial, and there's way too much other evidence to do that. (Come to think of it, that cat has a Trumpian glare.)
Get the pardon for all time, don't perjure yourself, let it all come out, and have witness protection lined up so you can ride this out. It will be like prison, but nicer, and then maybe when Trump is gone and everything he's done in his lifetime finally comes out, she might be able to atone for a fraction of the harm she's caused, which she will never do in prison by being nice to some people. Otherwise, she's going to be unalived in the most Epsteinly ambiguous way.
I’m a retired federal criminal defense attorney. I worked almost exclusively in federal courts for 30+ years. The way “cooperation” is SUPPOSED to work is that D gets limited immunity—what we used to call “Queen for a Day” in a document that lays out D and Govt responsibilities. D must tell all without holding back. G makes no promises except potentially charging D with perjury if they lie. This interview is typically recorded. After the first interview the attorney can add information as an “attorney proffer” to further entice. No benefit is provided until D testifies or the case is over. This can take over a year. Meanwhile D remains in custody. I seriously doubt any of that procedure was followed because they never intend to use her as a witness. She has previously perjured herself; her motive to “assist” is entirely self serving; they will never prosecute any of the men she talks about. This whole theatrical thing is diversion.
Thanks for this. I didn't know how to analyze it when they offer her immunity because they *want* her to commit perjury as to Trump. Or how testifying before Congress would factor in.
As a Canadian of a certain age, reading your thoughts about Ghislaine Maxwell, and some of the comments, brought to mind Karla Homolka, who lured victims for her then-husband, Paul Bernardo, and took part in the abuse before they were murdered. (The victims included her own sister.) Look up the story, if you're not familiar with it. She served just 12 years and is now living in Quebec under an assumed name.
The only thing I will add is that it is white women who get the "benefit" of the victim framing in this country. Again and again white women have committed horrible acts, some under the thumb of patriarchy, and others of their own free will within this system. Read "They were her property" for a clear view of how much agency white women had within the system of slavery.
As a victim of abuse by my father and mother it doesn't matter how abusive my father was to my mother. In the end she participated in the abuse actively just like Ghislaine. She deserves whatever punishment she gets and - sadly she will continue to benefit from her complicity.
The common denominator to all these themes is powerful men manipulating women and societal expectations of women to their own selfish and amoral ends. I’d write immoral but there is no moral component to these men’s cognitive functions - immorality should be tied to an acknowledgment of accepted standards of right and wrong. The GOP left that conversation in 2015.
Ghislaine Maxwell is not a scapegoat. As one of the lawyers for some Epstein victims pointed out, she was a crucial part of the scheme to lure girls to his place. She literally used a cute dog to meet eighth graders at a park! Many of the girls would have been reluctant to go along with some middle aged man who approached them, but she seemed elegant and trustworthy.
I’m aware. She also was convicted of participating in abuse which is highlighted above. But her use of the scapegoat/martyr narrative is one I think we should call out and I did.
She is evil. Evil is not gender-based. It comes from choice…she chose to abuse.
I am an older man who worked in NYC till retirement. Trump was a gossip column favorite going back to the 1980s. Melania does not seem to have a role in Trump's abuse. She seems to be a sphinx - with no real opinions at all. Speaking as a voter who is nominally liberal, we have no opinion of her except that she is just a doormat for him. Not a victim but a willing accessory for a man who likes cheap and gaudy accessories.
She wrote a whole entire book about how much she approved of him and his policies and supports him. I reviewed it last year on this very newsletter. This, I think, supports my thesis that sometimes we see only what we want
For old folks like myself - old liberal voters, we stopped thinking much of Trump 30 years ago. So Melania - and did she actually write her book? Was just another accessory. I say this as someone in financial services. I worked for a large insurer - and insurers typcially insure large real estate project. At some point in the 1990s, Trump came to a competitor to fund his business - they passed. He never came to my company (the handwriting for him was on the wall - no US lender was interested). So I guess old folks like me stopped thinking that there was more to learn about him even 30 years ago.
Trump and I are similar in age. Fauci is just a few years older. We are all bridge and tunnel guys - so not Manhattanites.
Fauci and I.even applied to the same highlty competitive Catholic HS. I did not get it, Fauci did. But both of us did well in our academic careers. Trump hates strivers like us - he never employs the really best of us either and Trump's current cabinet is bereft of hard working serious types.
My point is that we think no more about Melania than we do about the silly gold leaf Trump puts everywhere.
Women have to think about other women. We don't have the luxury not to. Because internalized misogyny is a very addictive drug, and women can cause as much harm as men do in its service. We have to prepare ourselves for that, even as it has a way of surprising us every time.
Sorry, not sorry. Fuck cis-het men. They don't want women to expect to be taken care of, but then when a woman needs nothing (because I own my own house, my kids are grown, and I pay my own bills, thanks much) but good companionship and good sex they're like, "I need to be needed." FFS.
No apology necessary. It sounds like you've got almost everything you need/want, and you shouldn't settle for less! The patriarchy is a trap for us all, especially for those (mostly cis-het men) who do not see it as a trap.
As a middle-aged cis-het man I'm still working through my own "socialized in a capitalist patriarchy" stuff all the time. So if any other cis-het men are reading this comment or Asha's above and feel like it is personally directed to you, please just sit with that for a sec and think about why that might be.
I married a man a couple of years younger way way back. We met in high school. I think the age difference took away that need to be needed. Also, we were so young, I guess we needed each other.
I’m short so I usually need him to take things down from the high cabinets when I don’t feel like pulling out a ladder.
No, as one who is looking for partners rather than employers, I'd certainly prefer to be desired than filling a necessary function.
Neat.
Thank you for this, it encapsulates a lot of my feelings right now. The quote from Jamie Lee Curtis does make me grit my teeth, considering her Zionism, it makes me feel that she specifically means white women and ideas about her specific generation's carefully crafted "natural" beauty.
Maxwell and Melania are simply MAGA women. Doing what they think is expected of them by their masters (men). What Maxwell did is a crime that deserves punishment. It's hard for me to feel sorry for her. As for Melania-there is a very bad word for her. She is complicit in helping to keep that evil man in power.
In California where the rent is high, people tend not to worry about what gender their roommate is - it’s just someone to share the expenses with. In the Midwest where I grew up, such an idea is considered scandalous. (PS: I still love the Midwest but California is my home.)
My grad school roommate in Pittsburgh was male. We were looking at a place and a private landlord turned us down like “Oh no, mixed gender roommates are nothing but trouble.” I lived in DC and yeah, COL is bad there and literally no one cared about the gender of the roommate.
My senior year in college, my roommates were a gay male couple (who are married and still together after 35+ years -- we reconnected last year.) I remember it really bothering my parents, and thought it was the gay thing (which it definitely was) but even knowing there was no sexual attraction there, living with guys was still a big deal. I just wanted someone who was reasonably clean and paid the rent on time, and that's what I got -- they were some of the best roommates I ever had.
Gosh it's all so tiring and maddening. That Tea app hack sent me over the edge.
One other thing Maxwell and Melania Trump have in common is you can’t believe anything they say anyway. Evidence supports their complicity. What do they really believe, “I don’t really care, do you?” to quote Melania’s jacket.
Thank you for this. (And thanks for the piece on describing powerful women as "men.")
About a month ago I was in a pizza place in Webster City. I sat at the bar and had a small pizza and made notes in my notebook, getting ready for a meeting with the Hamilton County Democrats.
As I ate my dinner, men spoke excitedly about watching Caitlin Clark play. The game got started and one old man in a military hat exclaimed loudly that the athletes wore loose shorts to cover their penises. He also commented on how large the women's shoulders were and that a number of them were men. I looked at him with the stinkiest of stink eyes and willed him to shut up. He did.
Men.
We can want equality and identify as feminist AND recognize that women can be awful! Maxwell is AWFUL. Mrs Trump is AWFUL. It in no way diminishes the horrible assholes that Epstein and Trump are. You can say patriarchy had a hand in it, but when you get all the way to LITERALLY RECRUITING MIDDLE SCHOOLERS IN A PARK, surely there were choices made.
The only way what's happened to Maxwell is unfair is by comparison to what's happened to all the many many men who were involved. Which is..... nothing. If we were to treat Maxwell the same way, that would be the textbook example for why we have the phrase, 'Two wrongs don't make a right.'
It's systems, not people.
Two things are usually true at the same time: A person has been harmed by the system, and a person becomes complicit in the harm perpetrated by the system.
Any energy I spend judging the ratio between any individual person's degree of complicity and the harm they've suffered is pretty useless. (Unless it me assessing how complicit I am and have been.) Any energy I/we spend disrupting the system as best I/we can? Well then ...
There's no question in my mind that Donald Trump's upbringing was profoundly abusive. In this moment, the point is to stop him.
Here's what I don't understand (and I should be able to figure it out, but haven't stopped everything to dive into the muckiest of pools lest it be the quicksand of which I was terrified as a child.)
I know proactive pardons are possible, like what Biden gave Hunter and Liz Cheney. Is that what Trump would be giving her in exchange for testifying? Because that's what her lawyer should be going for. Otherwise, what she says is either going to be perjury or not quite shaded in the way that Trump wants. He wants to be excised from the picture like that cat in the iPhone commercial, and there's way too much other evidence to do that. (Come to think of it, that cat has a Trumpian glare.)
Get the pardon for all time, don't perjure yourself, let it all come out, and have witness protection lined up so you can ride this out. It will be like prison, but nicer, and then maybe when Trump is gone and everything he's done in his lifetime finally comes out, she might be able to atone for a fraction of the harm she's caused, which she will never do in prison by being nice to some people. Otherwise, she's going to be unalived in the most Epsteinly ambiguous way.
I’m a retired federal criminal defense attorney. I worked almost exclusively in federal courts for 30+ years. The way “cooperation” is SUPPOSED to work is that D gets limited immunity—what we used to call “Queen for a Day” in a document that lays out D and Govt responsibilities. D must tell all without holding back. G makes no promises except potentially charging D with perjury if they lie. This interview is typically recorded. After the first interview the attorney can add information as an “attorney proffer” to further entice. No benefit is provided until D testifies or the case is over. This can take over a year. Meanwhile D remains in custody. I seriously doubt any of that procedure was followed because they never intend to use her as a witness. She has previously perjured herself; her motive to “assist” is entirely self serving; they will never prosecute any of the men she talks about. This whole theatrical thing is diversion.
Thanks for this. I didn't know how to analyze it when they offer her immunity because they *want* her to commit perjury as to Trump. Or how testifying before Congress would factor in.
As a Canadian of a certain age, reading your thoughts about Ghislaine Maxwell, and some of the comments, brought to mind Karla Homolka, who lured victims for her then-husband, Paul Bernardo, and took part in the abuse before they were murdered. (The victims included her own sister.) Look up the story, if you're not familiar with it. She served just 12 years and is now living in Quebec under an assumed name.
I appreciate you and many of the comments here.
The only thing I will add is that it is white women who get the "benefit" of the victim framing in this country. Again and again white women have committed horrible acts, some under the thumb of patriarchy, and others of their own free will within this system. Read "They were her property" for a clear view of how much agency white women had within the system of slavery.
As a victim of abuse by my father and mother it doesn't matter how abusive my father was to my mother. In the end she participated in the abuse actively just like Ghislaine. She deserves whatever punishment she gets and - sadly she will continue to benefit from her complicity.