Dingus of the week: Nic Pizzolatto

Plus, stingray Jesus

This is the dingus of the week, the Friday newsletter, where I, Lyz, your chummy newsletter writer,  make fun of someone or something in the news that has made our lives a little bit worse. Then I list some good things and recommend a drink and a song. The weekly dingus is designed for that subset of Americans slowly losing their grip on reality. To be clear, this won’t help you get back to reality. But it will make you laugh a little.

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It’s a truth universally acknowledged that women can’t do anything well without a man throwing a fit about it.

This week, that man was Nic Pizzolatto, the creator of the first season of True Detective.

True Detective is a television show on Max that just aired its fourth season. The first season, for which Pizzolatto is responsible, was a weird, existential, terrifying trip of a show with Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey acting as two mismatched detectives. McConaughey is basically like what would happen if that guy who loved Ayn Rand in high school never grew up and became a cop. And Harrelson spends a lot of the show irritated at him, saying, “Stop saying odd shit.” And honestly, I loved it. 

When Season 4, with Jodie Foster and Kali Reis, aired, I was on it. Murder! In the cold! With lesbians! And polar bears! The show, of course, is much smarter than just polar bears and frozen scientists. (No spoilers, I promise.) This season is directed by Issa López and contains a lot of callbacks to the first season and also centers indigenous women. In sum, if the first season was a sausage fest, this season is a clambake. 

Of course, Nic Pizzolatto is angry about it for some unspecified reasons. Pizzolatto shared criticism of the show calling it “disrespectful.” And after watching all of Season 4, I’d love to know what he means by that? Is it disrespectful to write a cop drama centering women of color? Why is that, Nic? WHY WOULD THAT BE DISRESPECTFUL? I am sure it can’t be because of misogyny with a side helping of racism.

Pizzolatto has spent his time sharing negative reviews of the show and even trashed it in now-deleted Instagram comments. Kali Reis, a former boxer, was not stepping down from that fight and called Pizzolatto out on Twitter. Lopez, for her part, has been very gracious and just spoke to her love of the show, telling Vulture:

“I wrote this with profound love for the work he made and love for the people that loved it,” López added. “And it is a reinvention, and it is different, and it’s done with the idea of sitting down around the fire, and [let’s] have some fun and have some feelings and have some thoughts. And anybody that wants to join is welcome.”

To be fair to Pizzolatto, I am sure it’s hard to see your work changed and reinterpreted. And no one can really understand what it means to be a genius who has created something so original. That’s right, Nic, literally no one in the history of television or cinema has ever created a detective show centering a misunderstood genius of a man. I mean, what an original idea! A whole show where a brilliant and rumpled cop with difficult relationships with women solves a crime. NEVER HEARD OF IT IN MY LIFE.

*Stares so hard in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle that my eyeballs begin to leave my face*

That said, sir, you got paid a significant amount of money for that bit of Sherlockian drivel. Go on a vacation. Go write another show where a misunderstood man spouts off Kierkegaard over a dead body. 

And now for something good:

A strippers bill of rights!

Charlotte, a stingray in North Carolina, said she didn’t need a man to start a family. Good for you, Charlotte.

My book is out in the world and was the Esquire book of the month pick! You can read an interview here.

In a very relatable move, Chat GPT is having an absolute meltdown and spouting poetry. If ChatGPT keeps this up it’s gonna wake up with an MFA from Iowa and I don’t mean that as a compliment. 

Beyonce is the first Black woman to top the country charts. And if you haven’t seen all the videos where people dance to Texas Hold ‘Em I must ask you why you even go online? WHERE ARE YOUR PRIORITIES?

What I am drinking:

My book was published on Tuesday. And my friends texted me asking me what I was doing that day and I was like, “I don’t know, picking up dog poop and chauffeuring my kids?” Having a book out in the world is a wildly discordant experience because it’s this huge thing, but I still have to do the dishes and help the 10-year-old with homework. My life doesn't change that much, even though online and in interviews I’m causing a ruckus. Most of the time, while interviews and reviews are being published, I’m unshowered in leggings sweeping dog hair off the floor and googling, “why is my washing machine leaking?”

But, I figured I better celebrate. So I had a long and boozy lunch with my friends. Then, I told a friend to meet me for a quick drink after I got the kids to bed (my kids are old enough and the bar is a couple blocks away, please don’t call CPS on me). And when I got there I was greeted by not one friend but a whole host of them who came out late on a school night to celebrate with me! They were all wearing wedding veils and feather boas and had printed out jokey quotes from online reviews.

I have never had a surprise party in my life, and to be honest, I’ve always wanted one. The whole thing made me feel so loved and happy. I have the best friends in the world. And I am so lucky to have this life.

Cedar Rapids, you sly fox, did you just make me love you? Surely not.

Well, anyway, I learned you can make a Manhattan with dry vermouth. And I prefer it that way, because I do love my drinks like I love my women, bitter and alcoholic.