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Hi, friends! I’m so excited to talk about this book with you all.
But first, I have never done a book club on my newsletter before. This is my trial run and I got some questions last week in the announcement post about how much of the book people needed to have read for the discussions.
Which is a great question. I should have explained a little more clearly.
But my idea is to discuss this book in small sections, each Thursday until October 5. Then, we will take a break and return in November with a new book. Ex Wife by Ursula Parrot.
So, if you haven’t finished The Farm, that’s okay! If you haven’t gotten your copy, that is also okay. This is a very accessible book club discussion. And I hope to focus on themes topics and ideas that relate to the current moment in America and our own lives.
And now, the discussion questions. As a reminder, I am keeping the discussion open to everyone for now! So be kind, and assume the best of each other. If I remove your comment, I’ll send you an email explaining why.
We begin with the story of Jane, which feels, in so many ways, like an immigrant story. And then gradually, through loss and desperation, she comes to the farm. How plausible did you find this setup? Is the farm a place you could see yourself ending up? Or would you have, in desperation ever used a service like that? I have to admit there was a time when I considered being a surrogate for a friend (which is very different, I know), but it made me consider deeply I would be offering up to someone else — my body, part of my soul if I even believe in my soul.
I was struck when Ate tells Jane about how the mothers think they want their children but don’t actually want their children. It hit close to home about labor and work and the stress of balancing it all. How resentful I am sometimes. How I sometimes wonder what a life would look like if I hadn’t had kids. But at the same time, never wanting anything else other than what I have. What are your thoughts about being a parent? Do you want it? Is it something you feel like you should want? (This is a DEEPLY personal question, so feel free to skip.)
So, when Mae Yu tells Raegan that they’re offering women a better option than what exists in their own lives, it feels like such an insidious logic that creeps up into the world of capitalism — and, okay, is actually what capitalism is founded on. Where do you see this logic at play in your own life?
What thoughts or questions did you have while reading this book? What associations were you making between your experience of motherhood (either as one or being raised by one) and caregiving and the story the book is telling?
MYAM Book Club: The Farm
Sorry, more thoughts. I LOVED the part where Ate instructed Jane on how to be with the Carters. I thought, "That has to be SO accurate," and felt like Ate gave a master class on how to be a subservient employee to rich white people. Also, regarding question #1, I almost donated my eggs in 1997 because I needed money so badly and could easily prove my Jewish heritage, but decided I didn't want my DNA out there in a way over which I had no control. Which says more about me than the process, I guess.
I'm going to focus on Q4. I have had two distinct experiences with becoming a mother. The first time, I was 18, just out of my first year in college. I didn't realize I was pregnant until I was 19 weeks along, and my non-observant but still willing to follow the rules Catholic parents sent me to a "home for unwed mothers." Friends, it was no Golden Oaks. As a white, college student from "a good background," I had social workers drooling over my unborn baby, yet was treated like trash by the revolving door of OB residents that treated us in the onsite clinic. My parents told me I had to give up the baby. There was no support to be found from them or from the baby's father. I was allowed to be my daughter's mother for 48 hours. When you're a kid, you try to forget and move forward, but 16 years later, the day my midwife showed me my son's heart beating on the ultrasound, I burst into tears. Everything about how I was as a mother to my son (22) and daughter (19) was informed by the loss of my first child. It hurts to think about how often financial circumstances are the barrier to families staying together. If my parents hadn't threatened to cut me out of their lives, telling me I'd end up living in a trailer park and "working a dead end job," I wouldn't have lived with a hole in my heart for the 34 years it took my daughter to find me.