The number of men (mostly) who get sucked into buying the latest guaranteed-to-lower-your-score golf aid may be similar to the number of women (mostly) rushing to buy the latest miracle solution to wrinkles - the power of advertising knows no gender. The difference, as you point out, is in the breadth of products being pushed for women, and the reaction of society when women do (or don't, for that matter) succumb to the pressure to try to make themselves "better." Hooray for non-self-optimization, and also for non-judgment about the choices any other woman makes.
The difference might be a fire hose (aimed at women) vs. a garden hose (aimed at men). Sometimes the ads that I see are so irrelevant as to be laughable but sometimes they are perfectly targeted at my insecurities. Hair growth supplements do not phase me but do I need the device/program/supplement that will help with the size of my gut?
This with the creams...the amount of money wasted on creams - you could just go get a procedure at the derm that would be more impactful for less money. But all these women selling these things to other women online
The only moral panic I can recall -- check my work, please -- for males and any targeted better-living-through-chemistry programs was when persons of color were in danger of breaking the single-season MLB home run record some decades earlier. I mean, North Dakota's very self-identity (via the late Roger Maris) was in jeopardy. If none of you all know anything about this, you've already done better things with your life than me. Well done. This is why I keep reading MYaM.
As for the unceasing dehumanization of half the population, Making Gilead Great Again never sleeps. If only insomnia explained any of it away...
This whole industry is so strange, considering we know the best way for a woman to optimize her life is by picking up a copy of This American Ex-Wife. Available wherever fine books are sold.
I've begun to see that disconnecting self-optimization from happiness dims the power of this commercial assault. As I think Lyz points out, there's wisdom in modest cultivation of health and beauty; they are sources of social power. I have recognized for myself the mistake in thinking that more health and beauty will make me more happy. This is greed. Greed is never satisfied. Power keeps doors open; happiness is found via meaning. These are different things.
The most freeing thing to ever happen to me was remote work.
And now I see that many employers (thankfully not mine, currently, as they don't have enough real estate to house everyone) are forcing people back into the office and no longer speaking of "work/life" balance. Whom does that most affect? Working moms. Women who are helping to care for aging parents. Women who will now likely feel compelled to eat up 30 minutes of their morning for hair, make up, an iron, and wardrobe coordination (yes, that would be me).
It's like we're going back to the 1980s when women COULD work, but they made it difficult if you had to call out for a sick kid or an elderly parent's doctor's appointment.
Yeah, I used to wear makeup to the office. Pandemic happened and we went remote. I had to go back into the office a bit earlier than most due to my job that required going to manufacturing plants. And I just stopped caring makeup wise since we were wearing masks. And then when we lost the masks and I just didn’t put makeup back on. And no one cared.
Working remotely means I don’t have to do the whole hair and makeup dance every morning. Saves me so much time and energy. I cannot imagine going back to the office
Escaping into self employment and being able to just …. Be myself is so freeing. I can wear makeup or no, mostly no in summer because I sweat buckets, and also because the birds and bugs and occasional person don’t care. People do ask sometimes why I occasionally get gussied up (makeup-wise) to go in the field. My usual response is “The lizards said they LOVE my new lippie.” I can look like whatever, and BEST OF ALL I’m not interacting with The Public anymore!!!!!
As one of those 55+ adults I am indeed not interested in non-surgical cosmetic treatments, though I would prefer not to hasten my departure from this realm. As a father of four daughters it pains me to see the bullshit they have to navigate. So yes, do whatever the hell you want.
Not only does no amount of hot not protect you from misogyny, but maybe good not to take your cues from a culture built on it.
i hang out with a bunch of elderly wrinkled nuns. they work hard, get up long before dawn to pray and have no mirrors anywhere. they are the most beautiful women i know.
I stopped washing my face at night for approximately the last year. I religiously washed my face and moisturized since I was in middle school and then I just stopped. I'm always SO tired, I just brush my teeth and fall into bed. And you know what, I haven't seen any huge difference in my skin. It's like my dirty (pardon the pun!) little secret about failing at womanhood.
I'm a slacker and never was able to consistently wash it at night if I wasn't wearing makeup. The few times that I have washed it every night it ends up getting irritated.
I don’t wash mine in the morning. I might splash it with cold water but that’s it! It tends to run dry so I figure I need to retain the previous night’s moisturizer, anyway
I lost so much weight when I got divorced and got so many "you go girl!" comments about it. It felt terrible, because I wasn't trying to get hot to start dating again. Leaving the unhappy relationship broke my cycle of drinking and stress-eating. Leaving the suburban mini-mansion for a tiny cottage much closer to my work freed up time for hiking and yoga. Like, the glow up happened because I was at PEACE not because I was trying to catch a new man!
At an individual level I've found it far easier to opt out than I expected, especially as a small fat who has to deal with some gross assumptions about my body: I can "flatter" it but I can't hide it, so I've always tried to adhere more strictly to the beauty routines/rules I can satisfy. But in the past year or so I stopped shaving my armpits and I started waxing my thighs, counterintuitively for the same reason: it felt better. I'm about to head over for my waxing appointment, so I'm far from hairless right now. And this past week I've been poolside most days of the week, in sundresses, sleeveless, etc. and nothing has materially changed in how I am being perceived, at least as I experience it.
But it is really hard to disentangle what I participate in because it feels good/I genuinely like it, and what I do because I've absorbed society's rules. And I am only on Insta for the neighborhood elementary school's announcements (WHY GOD WHY IS THAT HELLHOLE THE RELIABLE MEDIUM FOR THOSE), so it is probably way easier for me than for someone more active on socials.
I still shave my legs because I cannot tolerate the feeling of hairy legs or even worse, stickery legs, in bed. I wasn’t able to shave for the three months I was in ED rehab because razors, and it was HORRIBLE. I squirreled an extra pillow into my room just so I didn’t have to have hairy legs touching.
I put my hair up because it’s hot. I don’t usually wear makeup because it’s hot. I have sundresses and little things like that on because guess why. I’m a…is there medium fat? I’m older, though, so mostly only my mother is harping about my body, and she always has. Even though I was no version of fat till post childbirth.
Now, oh well. I grew and nourished two whole humans, and have done a load of fun things in here, so fluff off.
There is a mid-fat! https://fluffykittenparty.com/2021/06/01/fategories-understanding-smallfat-fragility-the-fat-spectrum/ I am with you on the stickery legs--what a bummer of a secondary thing to deal with those three months! Light, wide leg bamboo pjs are how I avoid this because I also don't like the skin-on-skin aspect of wearing shorts/night shirts to bed as a side sleeper--too sweaty. If you can bear the initial pain of wax (which gets better by session 2 or 3), AND choose to/can afford the ongoing costs, that was a game changer for me in terms of dealing with ingrowns/razor burn. The new growth is way softer than when I shaved, much lighter, and way less noticeable until one day I look down and am like, wow, how did all that get there.
Allllll right, where did you find these jammies? I have a bamboo set, but they’re nearly see through now with age, and they have a hole in a risqué area because my Corso put her toy in my lap and then caught my pjs biting it.😖
Please do not chnage anything about yourself Put all the money you save from not buyinh improvements into a vacation fund and enjoy that! From an old geezer that gets haircuts before doctors' visits so they won't think I'm an old geezer.
I think we have found that cultural sweet spot where we can’t be seen as trying too hard or God forbid, giving up. This could be added to the famous Barbie speech. Also no comfort here but I quit smoking 50 years ago now and I still think fondly of my Kool Milds, still feel pressure to optimize so I won’t be a burden to my kids.
Whatever women want to do to feel good is fine in my book. But a society that sorts and diminishes us by arbitrary measures that cannot be attained is some serious bullshit. Laura Lippman just posted a great piece about being a teen and being terrified walking home because men were/are incapable of understanding they don't get to weigh in on us. I am sometimes grateful that as a 60 year old who went white very early I am often invisible.
Yes? How would running marathons help her survive cancer?
The number of men (mostly) who get sucked into buying the latest guaranteed-to-lower-your-score golf aid may be similar to the number of women (mostly) rushing to buy the latest miracle solution to wrinkles - the power of advertising knows no gender. The difference, as you point out, is in the breadth of products being pushed for women, and the reaction of society when women do (or don't, for that matter) succumb to the pressure to try to make themselves "better." Hooray for non-self-optimization, and also for non-judgment about the choices any other woman makes.
absolutely — the advertising feeds on the judgment. in the wise words of amy poehler, a mantra of mine is: good for her! not for me.
The difference might be a fire hose (aimed at women) vs. a garden hose (aimed at men). Sometimes the ads that I see are so irrelevant as to be laughable but sometimes they are perfectly targeted at my insecurities. Hair growth supplements do not phase me but do I need the device/program/supplement that will help with the size of my gut?
This with the creams...the amount of money wasted on creams - you could just go get a procedure at the derm that would be more impactful for less money. But all these women selling these things to other women online
The only moral panic I can recall -- check my work, please -- for males and any targeted better-living-through-chemistry programs was when persons of color were in danger of breaking the single-season MLB home run record some decades earlier. I mean, North Dakota's very self-identity (via the late Roger Maris) was in jeopardy. If none of you all know anything about this, you've already done better things with your life than me. Well done. This is why I keep reading MYaM.
As for the unceasing dehumanization of half the population, Making Gilead Great Again never sleeps. If only insomnia explained any of it away...
This whole industry is so strange, considering we know the best way for a woman to optimize her life is by picking up a copy of This American Ex-Wife. Available wherever fine books are sold.
wow exactly right. You are the smartest person ALIVE
I've begun to see that disconnecting self-optimization from happiness dims the power of this commercial assault. As I think Lyz points out, there's wisdom in modest cultivation of health and beauty; they are sources of social power. I have recognized for myself the mistake in thinking that more health and beauty will make me more happy. This is greed. Greed is never satisfied. Power keeps doors open; happiness is found via meaning. These are different things.
"Greed is never satisfied". I think we're living through that psychopathy with our current President.
The most freeing thing to ever happen to me was remote work.
And now I see that many employers (thankfully not mine, currently, as they don't have enough real estate to house everyone) are forcing people back into the office and no longer speaking of "work/life" balance. Whom does that most affect? Working moms. Women who are helping to care for aging parents. Women who will now likely feel compelled to eat up 30 minutes of their morning for hair, make up, an iron, and wardrobe coordination (yes, that would be me).
It's like we're going back to the 1980s when women COULD work, but they made it difficult if you had to call out for a sick kid or an elderly parent's doctor's appointment.
Yeah, I used to wear makeup to the office. Pandemic happened and we went remote. I had to go back into the office a bit earlier than most due to my job that required going to manufacturing plants. And I just stopped caring makeup wise since we were wearing masks. And then when we lost the masks and I just didn’t put makeup back on. And no one cared.
After a certain age no one looks anyway 😀
Working remotely means I don’t have to do the whole hair and makeup dance every morning. Saves me so much time and energy. I cannot imagine going back to the office
Escaping into self employment and being able to just …. Be myself is so freeing. I can wear makeup or no, mostly no in summer because I sweat buckets, and also because the birds and bugs and occasional person don’t care. People do ask sometimes why I occasionally get gussied up (makeup-wise) to go in the field. My usual response is “The lizards said they LOVE my new lippie.” I can look like whatever, and BEST OF ALL I’m not interacting with The Public anymore!!!!!
As one of those 55+ adults I am indeed not interested in non-surgical cosmetic treatments, though I would prefer not to hasten my departure from this realm. As a father of four daughters it pains me to see the bullshit they have to navigate. So yes, do whatever the hell you want.
Not only does no amount of hot not protect you from misogyny, but maybe good not to take your cues from a culture built on it.
i hang out with a bunch of elderly wrinkled nuns. they work hard, get up long before dawn to pray and have no mirrors anywhere. they are the most beautiful women i know.
Maybe someone here can explain false eyelashes to me.
They were great TO ME when I had hair loss from an endocrine failure. I sometimes still do them when I’m extra fixed up for whatever reason.
Sharing for those who haven’t seen this: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DMyGJbYSx--/
I stopped washing my face at night for approximately the last year. I religiously washed my face and moisturized since I was in middle school and then I just stopped. I'm always SO tired, I just brush my teeth and fall into bed. And you know what, I haven't seen any huge difference in my skin. It's like my dirty (pardon the pun!) little secret about failing at womanhood.
Are you failing at womanhood or optimizing your time doing things that matter more to you? Also, same.
I'm a slacker and never was able to consistently wash it at night if I wasn't wearing makeup. The few times that I have washed it every night it ends up getting irritated.
I don’t wash mine in the morning. I might splash it with cold water but that’s it! It tends to run dry so I figure I need to retain the previous night’s moisturizer, anyway
Ahhhhhh I love this one. That last paragraph is everything.
The pressure is unilateral but I find the optimization content for divorced women problematic. A constant expectation to 'glow up'. Let's opt-out
I lost so much weight when I got divorced and got so many "you go girl!" comments about it. It felt terrible, because I wasn't trying to get hot to start dating again. Leaving the unhappy relationship broke my cycle of drinking and stress-eating. Leaving the suburban mini-mansion for a tiny cottage much closer to my work freed up time for hiking and yoga. Like, the glow up happened because I was at PEACE not because I was trying to catch a new man!
At an individual level I've found it far easier to opt out than I expected, especially as a small fat who has to deal with some gross assumptions about my body: I can "flatter" it but I can't hide it, so I've always tried to adhere more strictly to the beauty routines/rules I can satisfy. But in the past year or so I stopped shaving my armpits and I started waxing my thighs, counterintuitively for the same reason: it felt better. I'm about to head over for my waxing appointment, so I'm far from hairless right now. And this past week I've been poolside most days of the week, in sundresses, sleeveless, etc. and nothing has materially changed in how I am being perceived, at least as I experience it.
But it is really hard to disentangle what I participate in because it feels good/I genuinely like it, and what I do because I've absorbed society's rules. And I am only on Insta for the neighborhood elementary school's announcements (WHY GOD WHY IS THAT HELLHOLE THE RELIABLE MEDIUM FOR THOSE), so it is probably way easier for me than for someone more active on socials.
I still shave my legs because I cannot tolerate the feeling of hairy legs or even worse, stickery legs, in bed. I wasn’t able to shave for the three months I was in ED rehab because razors, and it was HORRIBLE. I squirreled an extra pillow into my room just so I didn’t have to have hairy legs touching.
I put my hair up because it’s hot. I don’t usually wear makeup because it’s hot. I have sundresses and little things like that on because guess why. I’m a…is there medium fat? I’m older, though, so mostly only my mother is harping about my body, and she always has. Even though I was no version of fat till post childbirth.
Now, oh well. I grew and nourished two whole humans, and have done a load of fun things in here, so fluff off.
There is a mid-fat! https://fluffykittenparty.com/2021/06/01/fategories-understanding-smallfat-fragility-the-fat-spectrum/ I am with you on the stickery legs--what a bummer of a secondary thing to deal with those three months! Light, wide leg bamboo pjs are how I avoid this because I also don't like the skin-on-skin aspect of wearing shorts/night shirts to bed as a side sleeper--too sweaty. If you can bear the initial pain of wax (which gets better by session 2 or 3), AND choose to/can afford the ongoing costs, that was a game changer for me in terms of dealing with ingrowns/razor burn. The new growth is way softer than when I shaved, much lighter, and way less noticeable until one day I look down and am like, wow, how did all that get there.
Allllll right, where did you find these jammies? I have a bamboo set, but they’re nearly see through now with age, and they have a hole in a risqué area because my Corso put her toy in my lap and then caught my pjs biting it.😖
https://www.honeylove.com/products/blisswear-pant?Color=Midnight I love these! Totally worth it.
Please do not chnage anything about yourself Put all the money you save from not buyinh improvements into a vacation fund and enjoy that! From an old geezer that gets haircuts before doctors' visits so they won't think I'm an old geezer.
I think we have found that cultural sweet spot where we can’t be seen as trying too hard or God forbid, giving up. This could be added to the famous Barbie speech. Also no comfort here but I quit smoking 50 years ago now and I still think fondly of my Kool Milds, still feel pressure to optimize so I won’t be a burden to my kids.
Whatever women want to do to feel good is fine in my book. But a society that sorts and diminishes us by arbitrary measures that cannot be attained is some serious bullshit. Laura Lippman just posted a great piece about being a teen and being terrified walking home because men were/are incapable of understanding they don't get to weigh in on us. I am sometimes grateful that as a 60 year old who went white very early I am often invisible.