‘Home is just a distant memory’: War and safety in Gaza
A mother talks about life during the ongoing conflict
There is a war happening in Gaza and it is a war on women and children.
Since the October 7, 2023 Hamas-led attack on Israel, in which some 1,200 people were murdered and about 250 taken hostage, tens of thousands of Gazans have been killed, the majority of them women and children. Far more now face food insecurity, even famine.
Half the population of Gaza is under the age of 18.
In February, researchers at the Johns Hopkins University Center for Humanitarian Health and the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine released staggering death toll projections that underscore the cost of the conflict. This is a humanitarian crisis that the United States is helping to fund.
These are more than just numbers and statistics. The cost is human lives.
Nada Hammad is a single mother in Gaza who also cares for her siblings. She wants to leave for her family’s safety, but the cost of getting out is staggering.
I first heard about Nada through her essay in LitHub, where she wrote a love letter to her homeland. In it, she talks about the complicated feeling of loving and hating a place. Loving it because it’s the land where you were born, the place that created you, but also hating the suffering that takes place there. Nada writes:
When I think about it closely, I think I have a love/ hate relationship with Gaza. I hate the fact that I am trapped here more than anything. I hate how even though Gaza has given me nothing but decay, heartache and pain—destroyed homes, dead loved ones, homeless people every direction I look—I still can see a flower bush pulsing with life and color next to the ruins of someone’s home, or remember a childhood adventure with my Dad in one of the old bookshops. Then I fall in love with this place all over again. It’s what Mahmoud Darwish expressed when he said, “We have on this land that which makes life worth living.”
I interviewed Nada about the war, her home, and some of the things that give her joy. If you’d like to donate to Nada’s GoFundMe, you can do so here.
LL: Did you grow up in Gaza? What was your childhood like?
Nada Hammad: Yes, I did. I grew up in the north of Gaza, a place called Tal al-Zaatar in Jabalia Camp. I like to think my childhood was amazing. I come from a middle-class family, with both my parents working really hard for as long as I can remember to provide everything we need and want for us. When I was a kid, I used to spend hours playing with my cousins in my grandparents house. I also started reading books very early; by the time I was 12, I was addicted to reading. My dad used to take me to an old bookshop in Gaza City on special occasions and after end-of-year exams. He'd give me free rein to choose whatever books I wanted to read. It was one of the most magical things about my childhood. The other really memorable thing about my childhood is my mom's amazing food. She used to make delicious traditional meals like maqluba andmaftool. She still makes them to this day, but the childhood taste of them is something I want to repeat with my own son.
In addition to happy childhood memories, I have some really scary ones. In 2008, my middle school was bombed by Israeli war planes while we were inside it and our teacher had to evacuate us from under the rubble. I've lost some friends and loved ones to Israeli aggression. I try to remember the good things about being a child because the other memories really bring a lot of anxiety with them.
LL: You have a child and siblings you are looking out for? What is your day-to-day life like?
NH: Yes, I'm a single mom taking care of my son and my younger siblings. My parents are currently in Egypt — they went so my mom could have spine adjustment surgery just before the war started and they got stuck there.
A typical day in the life nowadays is full of running around to secure bare necessities. We spend most of the day filling water tanks so we'd get to use the bathroom and shower and do laundry. I've been washing clothes by hand for seven months now and it's my most hated activity during any day. It's ruined my skin and my back. I hate it.
We also need to go out and buy drinking water, which can be a hassle. We obviously don't have any form of electricity so my siblings and I cook our meals day by day because food can go bad outside fridges. We're also always stuck in a limbo of, how are we going to charge all our devices? We managed to buy a solar panel a few weeks ago and we've been using it to charge a large battery and then we charge our phone from the battery. It's an annoying process but we feel blessed to have been able to buy a solar panel in the first place. One of the things my son Majdi misses the most is being able to watch TV and have movie nights like we used to do. He keeps asking me if we can go back home so he'd get to do all the things he likes, but home is just a distant memory now.
LL: What do you do for work? What does work look like in a time of war?
NH: Well, I used to do so many things. I was a public school teacher and an EFL teacher at language centers. I was also an English and soft skills trainer for freelancers in different fields. I used to work with business incubators here in Gaza to aid with freelancers’ communication abilities. In addition to all that, I was a freelance translator and content creator on Upwork.
During war, everything has been forcedly put on hold. We lost electricity and internet and I couldn't get in touch with any of my clients online for months. The public school I worked in was destroyed. The businesses I worked with were bombed. It's a really devastating situation. I've been spending mainly from savings and with help from my parents.
“One of the things my son Majdi misses the most is being able to watch TV and have movie nights like we used to do. He keeps asking me if we can go back home so he'd get to do all the things he likes, but home is just a distant memory now.”
— Nada Hammad
LL: What brings you and your son joy?
NH: Lots of things but mainly our home. We loved our home. We had a big house with a garden and we spent hours playing, running around and having fun in it. We also had so much fun going to the beach. It's one of Majdi's favorite places to go. He's crazy about swimming and making sand castles. What brings me joy is accomplishments. I was completing my master’s in teaching English as a foreign language at the Islamic University here in Gaza. I love the challenge of learning new things. I think saying that our old life, life before the destruction of war, brought us joy would be a fair statement.
LL: What are your hopes and dreams for the future?
NH: I want a decent life for me and my family. I want to be able to spend time in a place where I wouldn't fear for my life or the lives of the people I love. The constant sounds of bombing and drones are maddening. I hope Majdi and my siblings get to go back to school and preschool and have an education. I want to be able to get them ice cream and take them on walks without fearing for their lives. I want a normal life where we get to live in a safe place and have all our basic needs met.
LL: What do you wish people in the West knew about your life in Gaza?
NH: Our life here in Gaza was not without challenges before the war. Gaza was besieged and its reconstruction after each previous Israeli aggression took years but we really are resilient people. We LOVE life. We love clothes and wearing the latest trends. We enjoy food with a passion. We love new experiences and learning new things.
We were living. Truly living good lives before. But now with all of war's destruction and chaos we're barely surviving.
Really powerful and necessary interview. Thanks for sharing Nada's story. It is so critical to think about Gaza as more than an abstract, far away problem, and to understand how devastating the invasion is.
Thank you for this interview. So many Americans have no idea that even under the occupation the people of Gaza had built lives that would be very recognizable to us. It’s so important to hear individual stories. Now everything has been destroyed, and as difficult and scary life is for Nada and her family, the majority of Gazans are living in much worse circumstances (starving and dying from preventable illnesses that can’t be treated because the health care system has been destroyed). Congress is pushing for $14b more military aid for Israel. I urge everyone to contact their representatives and senators to let them know this is unacceptable and to call for the level of humanitarian aid that is desperately needed.