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Dingus of the Week: The Montana GOP
But congratulations to all the desperate nominees
Every week on Friday, I crown one dingus for the week — that person or thing in the news that has made all our lives just a little bit more worse for their existence. Then, I share some good things and a drink. Never miss a dingus and sign up for the newsletter.
This week, was very dingus heavy. A medley of dinguses, a murder of dinguses, a herd of dinguses. Actually the collective noun for a group of dinguses is “the Montana GOP.”
But first, let’s get to some runners up. A couple who claims to be breeding to save mankind got another profile in another magazine. But here is my problem with them, besides the fact that their ideology is vaguely Nazish and heavily eugenicist, is that, they only have three kids.
Like, you aren’t breeding to save mankind, you are breeding like you live in a Des Moines suburb. Put out or shut up. And why are all these places giving them a magazine profile? Like if I was an editor, I’d be like. “Hey, let’s wait until they have at least a good 6 kids before we waste ink on these glasses wearing chuckleheads, who look like background characters in some some knock-off version of a Christopher Guest mockumentary.”
Put some multi in that “fruitful and multiply” command. Otherwise, don’t waste my time.
In the words of the journalist Anna Merlan, “The universe is trying to get me to say really mean things here, like, “I bet these two call each other ‘Clark Kent’ and ‘Lois Lane’ in bed” or “the fashion here is like if you necromanced the Reagans but did a bad job,” but I won’t give in to the temptation.”
They are not the dingus of the week.
Nor is the country music singer who, in protest against Bud Light hiring a trans person to do ads for them, smashed a Bud Light can on stage, while he covered “Another One Bites the Dust” a song sung by the famously very gay Freddie Mercury. I guess it’s too much to assume that a guy named Brantley and who looks like he got his hair plugs from Walmart has a sense of irony.
Brentbert’s most popular song asks that we bury him upside down so the world can kiss his ass. But I think actually, he just wants to tongue kiss the Devil. So, good luck to you, Bradchard, and your successful career touring with *checks notes* Nickleback.
You are not the dingus.
The dingus this week, is the Montana GOP. This week, Montana Representative Zooey Zephyr took to the House floor to argue that a bill banning gender-affirming care for minors was deeply harmful and “tantamount to torture.”
The bill, which is similar to ones passed in Iowa and Florida, has already passed both the Montana House and the Senate and was being debated only because the governor had asked for amendments.
Rep. Zephyr is transgender and one of the 32 Democrats in the GOP-controlled House. And her colleagues responded at first by threatening to censure her. But now, they’ve simply cut off her access to speak on any bill.
It’s very telling that instead of debating their colleague, they’ve just cut off her mic. Sirs, you are restricting people’s rights and you can’t be bothered to hear from the only person elected to serve along side you who has personal experience with the very topic you are going on and on about?
Listen, if you are going to pass laws that have no scientific, medical, or legal basis, and that every expert in the world says will harm trans kids, and that trans people themselves say will harm trans people, at least have the labia to listen.
That kind of erasure doesn’t just strip an elected representative from their right to actually represent their constituents, but it also creates the illusion for history that bills like these were not vehemently opposed by the people living in the states.
Which brings me to the good news.
And Now For Some Good News:
Students in red states are opposing bills like this. In Nebraska, students are organizing to oppose anti-LGBTQ legislation.
In Iowa, when the sentient internet outrage machine, Matt Walsh, came to speak, students organized a hilarious and glorious protest, will full pep band and dance party.
Space X’s rocket failed to actually get to space and exploded in mid-air. And that wasn’t even the most embarrassing thing that happened to Elon Musk this week.
Like, so many people, I also lost my blue check on Twitter. And you know what, good riddance. I’m spending a lot of my time on the Flyover Discord (access to the Discord is for paying subscribers and it’s very fun over there, except when people mock me for hating milk. I WON’T APOLOGIZE FOR MY BOLD STANCES!). I’ve also been exploring Substack’s Notes feature. I’d say something funny, but honestly, after Joyce Carol Oates’ tweets, what other jokes are left for us mere mortals? I will say, I will miss the celebrities that followed me, but I have absolutely confidence in my ability to make Chrissy Teigen love me on multiple platforms. WE WILL REBUILD!
Andis out here being relentlessly good and you can read all about her.
I am going to be at Prairie Lights in conversation with two authors in the next two weeks! On April 26 from 7-8pm, I will be in conversation with Jeanna Kadlec about her book Heretic. This is a long-overdue conversation, which got postponed because of Covid. So, please come! I reviewed Jeanna’s book last year.
Also, on May 2 from 7-8pm me and Marisa Moss will be talking about the women of country music, feminism, patriarchy, and saying goodbye to Earls. I HAVE A WHOLE CHAPTER IN MY NEXT BOOK ABOUT MODLES OF WOMANHOOD, COUNTRY MUSIC AND PATRIARCHY! And Marisa’s insight is in it. So, believe me when I say, *extreme Shania Twain voice* “Let’s go, girls.”
What I Am Drinking:
Last night, after a long day of reporting, I realized that between travel and book edits, I hadn’t been to my favorite restaurant in so long. So, I grabbed my copy of Sarah Viren’s incredible book, To Name the Bigger Lie, and headed over.
Sitting in a bar, ordering whatever I want, and reading a book is one of my favorite things in the world.
When I walked in, one of the employees told me that they were literally just talking about how I hadn’t been there in so long and they missed me. And, I’ve never felt more loved.
I normally don’t talk about these things, I do like to keep some sense of privacy, but this week, I went on a date only to realize later that the person wasn’t there because they were interested in me as a human, they were just there to see what “Lyz Lenz” was like. And I’ve never felt more like an object in my life. In most of my life, I am just a stumbling mother, disappointing ex-wife, neighbor who forgets to bring in her trashcan, it’s always odd when I am someone to somebody, instead of just a girl.
It was also embarrassing afterwards to have so much fun and then get home, be ghosted, and realize that the whole time I was never a human to this person. I once dated a person for nearly a year, but was instructed to never identify him in any aspect of my life because he didn’t want any part of my “fame” he said. It’s perhaps one of the cruelest things anyone has ever done — see me as a thing and not as a human.
I realize there is nothing to be embarrassed about and that life is a mess and we all keep trying with our imperfect efforts and our humiliating open hearts. And when it fails as it so often does, I have a soft place to land, where there is a French oaked old fashioned, people who are happy to see me, and wagyu carpaccio.
That night, the bartender made me a drink with Solerno, a blood-orange liqueur and it changed my life. Like, why have I just been so happy with Grand Mariner? WHERE HAS MY SENSE OF ADVENTURE GONE? I shall be hunting down some Solerno and see what it's like in a Cosmo, for my weekend of spring cleaning.
It’s not out yet, but when it is, you all will love this book. Also, Sarah and I will be doing an event for it in September! DETAILS TO COME!