Dingus of the Week: People Who Won’t Get Vaccinated
We are drinking champagne and beer floats, friends!
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Vaccine supply in America is now higher than the demand, thanks in no small part to the backbone of American dingery, conservative white men.
Forty-nine percent of Republican men say they have no plans to get the vaccine. These bold titans of industry literally cannot roll up to Walgreens two times in the span of four weeks and get a shot. Over 575,000 people are dead from a new and deadly virus, and these guys cannot be bothered to just show up to two appointments. I assume these are the same men who own guns and swear they will shoot anyone who comes into their home. You know, for safety reasons. But they themselves won’t go get two tiny little shots to stop a virus from killing us all.
That’s because for them, this time actually hasn’t been a nightmare. After a brief shutdown, their lives have continued as normal. In Iowa, everything has been open since, well, last Memorial Day. High schoolers played baseball last summer. Bars have been packed. Churches full. A woman I know who works as a hair stylist tells me that she’s been out basically every weekend since November, where she’s seen local politicians (no, not all Republicans) who have been just out. You know. Out. Drinking. Bar hopping. We’ve never been in this together.
A woman told me that in June she went to a bar with her husband and some friends from Colorado. The people from Colorado looked at all the unmasked people in the bar in amazement and said, “Where are we?”
And a man turned around and hit his hand on the table and said, “The United States of America!”
Congratulations, the greatest country in the world is full of men named Kevin who can’t get their khakied asses to a CVS to get a free vaccine.
Runner-Up: Bipartisanship
Letting Republicans influence laws makes just as much sense as dipping cookies in toilet water. That’s all I have to say on the matter.
What I Am Reading:
I wrote about cancel culture and the University of Iowa and reminded everybody about the “Suck It Up Buttercup” bill. I am so proud of the students who talked to me for the story. And I’m sad they’re all probably going to leave the state, because I need a dentist. I also interviewed a woman who is exploring a bid to run for county attorney about the importance of county attorneys in the push for social change.
I was interviewed for Brian Esposito’s Very Fine Day.
Oh and hey! Remember when we talked about the statute of limitations? Well, in Iowa, ending the criminal statute of limitations on childhood sexual assault cases got amended to a bill, passed through the Senate, and now goes to the House. It’s not exactly a win yet, but it’s close. You know how to do it. Call your reps.
Talia Lavin wrote an amazing essay about her blob girl summer. The little girl who became the Disaster Girl meme grew up and made some money off her image with NFTs. NFTs sound interesting, and everyone is interested in them. But, like, congratulations, they’re just money? You invented money. You invented selling things online that exist only on computers for money. This is like when I worked for the Daily Dot and I’d write stories about new apps and technology that were basically, like, just inventing things that already existed. Oh, a place where people can rent beds because apartments are too expensive in San Francisco? Congratulations, you invented a flophouse. Cool, an app for your laundry? Congrats, you invented your mom.
But good job to that girl.
This week, I learned what cheugy is, and after reading that article, I understand that everything about me is cheugy. Also, now I know what apology dinners are. And once you are all vaccinated, I expect you to host apology dinners for me.
I cannot stop muttering to myself, “I was a gifted child.” (You have to click through to watch the video, but it’s worth it.)
What I Am Drinking:
It was a wild and crazy week for me, and I am so excited to tell you about what I’m gonna be doing next. But until that moment, let me tell you how I celebrated: with pink champagne, bought from my favorite wine lady, who I got to hug because we are both vaccinated! It’s so nice to go into the Wine House and tell Tracy good news and not cry for once. Anyway, I bought Tribaut Brut Rosé because it’s fancy. And drank it all on a Wednesday night, which is not advisable if you are 38 and wake up at 6:30am.
I also got to see some friends outside, and we celebrated and had beer floats while our kids ran around, and it was amazing. The beer float was a breezy, tangerine wheat beer with some vanilla ice cream in it. I think. I might have to make a correction on this. Which reminds me of the time in 2018 when I went to the NewBo Market (a local indoor food court of sorts) on a date, and we got ice cream and put it in our coffee stouts and it was delicious. I make great choices.
Speaking of good choices, sign up to see Chloe Angyal and Brandon Taylor talk about dance, then buy Chloe’s book, Turning Pointe, which is out next week!
Happy weekend! We are gonna make it.
I will host an apology dinner for all the Kevins I have wronged.
All so good and especially "I'm the Gifted Child" meme-sooooo funny and tragically true. 30 and a former Gifted Child-LOL!!!