Welcome to the dingus of the week. This is a newsletter where I round up links, offer up a drink recipe, and make fun of some chucklefuckery. Please don’t take this too seriously. The operating word here is “dingus” after all. If you feel like the weekly dingus has become an essential part of your life, legally you should subscribe to this newsletter. I don’t make the laws. I only enforce them.
Everything is happening a lot and very loudly. But we newsletter on, words against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the void.
England came through this week and decided that if all the cool countries were going to melt down, then it would melt down too. England was like, if America is going to jump off a bridge, I absolutely will.
Thank you, England, for your service to the news cycle. America was running out of rights to rescind. So you took the pressure off.
This is like when I called my younger sister to tell her about my divorce. My sister, who once went to jail because she drove her scooter drunk, the same sister who was a hairstylist turned parole officer, laughed out loud and said, “Finally, it’s your turn to fuck up!”
This is the energy I had while reading the news this week.
Essentially, if you missed it: Boris Johnson, the Prime Minister, kind of resigned this week amid some scandals that in America would make him a shoo-in for the presidency. His hair alone is giving Walmart Donald Trump. Or is Donald Trump giving knock-off Boris? Chicken or egg. Greater minds than mine have been stumped by this question. There are some wonderful explainers out there about how Johnson was forced to resign; this newsletter is not one of them.
He isn’t exactly resigning because he wants to get married at a castle.
For a while, as his ministers resigned around him, Johnson refused to step down. This led to speculation that his refusal to step aside would “activate the queen.” Which in my mind is like activating charcoal in toothpaste. And somehow things would get a little grubby and then inexplicably whiter.
Mikey Smith @mikeysmith
Well-placed source convinced Boris Johnson won’t quit, even if the 22 change the rules, and he loses a VONC. Instead, he’ll claim he has a mandate from 14m voters, and will threaten to force an election - but not before deselecting everyone who voted against him.The queen was not activated. But things did get whiter. And the whole news cycle led people to argue about who has the sillier country.
In the end, everyone looked really silly, except Hugh Grant. Hugh Grant tweeted at activists who were playing protest music outside Downing Street to play Benny Hill music.
They did, and that’s how “Yakety Sax” became the soundtrack to the decline of man.
Remember when everyone was mad at Hugh Grant for cheating on Elizabeth Hurley? What a simpler time it was to be mad at a man for having consensual sex. Now the bar is so much higher. You have to incite a literal insurrection to get canceled these days. And even then, they’ll still let you be on a panel sponsored by the Knight Foundation.
And Now for Something Good:
If “Yakety Sax” wasn’t enough for you, you can buy a shirt encouraging Times op-ed writer Pamela Paul to retire.
And Ulster County, New York, is holding their 2nd Annual Ulster Votes I Voted Sticker Contest. The front-runner is Hudson Rowan, a 14-year-old hero, who contributed this sticker.
Hudson, thank you. That sums up the American experiment quite nicely.
Also, thank you so much to the protesters who ran Brett Kavanuagh out of a restaurant.
Daniel Lippman @dlippman
NEW: Justice Brett Kavanaugh had to exit through the rear of Morton's on Wednesday night after DC protestors showed up out front. A Morton's rep told me: "Politics … should not trample the freedom at play of the right to congregate and eat dinner." https://t.co/wlA4J2nxYW https://t.co/jpsfhB3JVoWhat I Am Reading:
Working is a scam, and we need to stop.
Kimberly Harrington wrote this beautiful newsletter about being free and living for herself, and it took my breath away.
It’s happening again…
Tom Cotton @TomCottonAR
One of the many reasons I’m happy to be back in Iowa—Casey’s pizza! https://t.co/l6jqZFgzFuThis is what is happening in America as abortion clinics get shut down.
Georgia’s Guidestones monument was destroyed in a bombing. The monument was built thanks in part to an Iowa doctor from Fort Dodge, Herbert Hinie Kersten. Kersten died in 2005. But in 1992, he sent a letter to editorial writer James Driscoll, saying that David Duke was the only man who spoke for America.
ICYMI: I wrote about how using inclusive language does not erase women. And I would like to add that conversations about intersectionality and being inclusive have been around for decades. It was lesbian activists who convinced Betty Friedan that feminism needed to include lesbians. Angela Davis and Audre Lorde were talking about intersectionality for so long. This isn’t a new conversation. It’s not even a generational one. Also, no one is saying you can’t say “women.” I say women in this newsletter all the dang time. Just maybe consider that it hurts no one to include trans activists in the fight.
Housekeeping:
I am taking a break the week of July 24. No newsletter and no Twitter. I’ll probably be on the Discord, though.
On July 14, I’ll be in conversation with Iowa gubernatorial candidate Deidre DeJear from 6-7:30 in Iowa City on the rooftop of the Chauncy. You do need tickets.
What I Am Drinking:
Ryan Barker from Fifth Wheel Cocktails created us this special punch, which I named Punching the Patriarchy, and if that makes you roll your eyes, well, listen, I had a failed career in marketing. If you are looking for some other ideas, the Monday thread had some amazing drink suggestions both for the sober and the tipsy drinkers.
Punching the Patriarchy
3/4 cup superfine sugar
6 lemons (you’ll need the zest first, and then the juice)
12 oz Plantation 3 Star Rum
12 oz Plantation Pineapple Rum
4 oz good fruit liqueur (I like peach!)
16 oz cold water
16 oz good (unsweetened) black iced tea
Nutmeg
The evening before:
Peel the lemons with a vegetable peeler or sharp knife, leaving behind as much of the white pith as possible (be careful!). Like this. Combine the strips of lemon rind and the sugar in a mason jar, seal it, and shake it like you mean it. Leave overnight.
Make an ice ring or block, using a bundt pan or bread pan or similar.
Right before:
Juice the lemons, add it to the mason jar, and shake it until all of the sugar is dissolved. Pour into your punch bowl (or soup pot or cooler or whatever), along with all of the other ingredients, add the ice ring, grate some nutmeg on top, and off you go.
I am sad for anyone who didn't grow up in a household with a dad who watched Benny Hill. It's so useful for understanding the real reasons why people fled Britain for a better life.
If I don't get an "I Voted" sticker next time like Hudson's, I am going to be mad.