Dingus of the week: The Washington Post
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Dingus of the week: The Washington Post
Oh no, a lady had sexual intercourse. Whatever shall we do?
This is the dingus of the week, the Friday newsletter, where I make fun of someone or something in the news that has made the discourse just a little stupider and pushed society back, just a wee bit more. Never miss a dingus by becoming a subscriber today.
This week, my newsletter about Ashton Kutcher was informed by years of original journalism that I did looking into his work with covid testing companies and his own non-profit, The Native Fund. And it came out of an assignment I did for a media outlet that eventually folded. If I didn’t have this newsletter, I wouldn’t have had the ability to pay an editor to help me make it smart and insightful or a place to publish it.
There are other perks than just supporting writing! Supporters can comment, participate in weekly threads, get access to the Discord where we discuss gas station pizza and hot dish, and read the Sunday newsletter. And I’ll have some additional perks when my book comes out! Stay tuned.
Warning! This newsletter discusses the fact that women sometimes have sex.
Once again, America remains shocked and appalled that a woman is a human being.
This week, it was The Washington Post, wrote a pearl-clutching, anonymously sourced article, about a Democratic House Candidate in Virginia, who had sex.
That’s right, breaking news, folks, a woman fucked.
I mean that’s the scandal. A woman, Susanna Gibson, a wife and mother of two kids, had sex. I’m confused how the WaPo thinks she became a wife and mother if not for her ability to fuck.
The details of the story are simply that Gibson and her husband went on the website, Chaturbate, and performed sex acts. And an anonymous Republican told the WaPo about it. And so, the WaPo wrote a really scandalized story, wherein they also accuse, Gibson of violating the terms and conditions of Chaturbate, by asking people for tips.
I am so sorry, I didn’t know that the TOS for Chaturbate was so fundamental to American democracy, that we have to do an investigation of everyone who might violate those terms. I mean where does it end? People ripping tags off mattresses?!
I also didn’t realize that having sex was disqualifying for running for office. Excuse me, I need to go ask every candidate if they’ve ever “bumped uglies.” And then scream and cry and throw up when they say, “Yes.” Someone not adhering to your Victorian moral code isn’t a story. Democracy doesn’t die in the TOS of Chaturbate.
Having consensual sex with your partner, online or offline, isn’t a scandal. She’s a mother and not the virgin Mary kind. Those babies got in there somehow.
This is a manufactured story by a Republican operative and the WaPo just laundered it for clicks. (Also, by the way, if you are going to sex shame someone at least name the person outing them.)
But the fact that this has any traction at all is revelatory of a fundamental hypocrisy of our society — we demand women become mothers, by limiting their reproductive choices, but shame them for being sexy or enjoying sex. Women who are mothers aren’t supposed to dress hot or go out. But how do you think we get those babies in us in the first place? It’s called sex. Look it up.
I don’t think it’s an accident either that after a couple of years of #MeToo and revolutionary movements where we talking about women’s freedom and feminism, we are experiencing a backlash. This isn’t because the movements were failures, but because they were successful. Sex shaming isn’t a great political scoop. It’s just recycling Republican talking points under the guise of journalism.
It’s not an accident that Gibson is a pro-abortion candidate. Which means, she’s very much a candidate who values bodily autonomy. And that’s exactly what she’s being shamed for — having consensual sex with her partner and enjoying it. Because that’s the flip side of limiting reproductive justice — women are supposed to have sex but endure the consequences. We love to punish a woman who has sex freely.
Meanwhile, I can think of a quite few men who sexually harassed women and are still in office.
And just in time, Caitlin Flanagan enters the conversation…
Oh my god, a woman has a human body! Someone call the man police! Will no father step up to shame this woman so Caitlin Flanagan doesn’t have to see one iota of ass?
Will no man slut-shame this woman so Caitlin Flanagan, the woman who built her career on shaming women for working, doesn’t have to see cleavage?!
Ladieeeeeees, please remember, when you put on clothes every morning remember to ask yourself WWCFD and clothe yourself in a prairie garment, humility, and just enough Republican talking points that you can be a professional pick-me girl for the corporate interest of media companies — the woman who makes men feel a little better because you hate women too and are not afraid to say it in writing.
Stay tuned for next week, when we get mad at a woman for eating food, or simply enjoying her life and bothering no one.
And now for something good:
Friend of the newsletter, Gabs, has a podcast about Shakespeare and we should all listen to it!
Also, I got to go on a wonderful local podcast hosted by my friend Caleb Scales and my new friend Sarah Van Cleve. I got to talk about why I’m staying in the Midwest, what it’s like to be here, politics, feminism, and I shit talk Pella, Iowa. To be clear, the good thing here is shit-talking Pella. I will make no apologies.
And if you’ve been following the story of Cop City in Atlanta, read this really good newsletter by
with a lot of links to resources on ways we can help.You may have missed this note a few weeks ago, but I recently joined the board of the Iowa Abortion Access Fund. The whole goal of the organization is to fund abortions in a state where reproductive rights are under attack. It’s the second-oldest fund IN THE NATION! And our fundraiser is next month on October 17 in Des Moines and you should attend. Here is a link with more details.
Remember sometimes we have to be the good thing for the week.
What I am drinking:
Well, this week was stupid from top to bottom. From headaches to being up all night with my small puking son, to my Alaskan malamute stealing butter off the counter and then having diarrhea all over the porch, I cannot say I cared one iota for this week.
Because of all of this, not one drop of the devil’s liquor has touched my lips this week. And I plan on remedying that tomorrow.
I was looking for a drink that would be fun but easy to make and I fell upon the Guadalajara Sour a twist on the whiskey sour.
1¾ounces blanco tequila
¾ounce lemon juice
¾ounce simple syrup
¾ounce chilled rosé sour
It looks amazing and I’ll be trying it on Saturday, once I power wash dog poop off my porch. Here is a picture of the offending animal. A SHAMELESS WOLF! Aren’t there fathers anymore? Or brothers or uncles? Isn’t there any male in her family who cares enough to tell her not to eat two sticks of butter? This is obviously misery not empowerment!
Dingus of the week: The Washington Post
I'm going to reprise a comment I made on the previous dingus of the week column: WHERE ARE MY PEARLS, I NEED TO CLUTCH THEM
Two things.
One: "Binders of women", in case you forget who you're agreeing with.
Two: Our senior beagle ate a stick of butter and barfed it up on the deck. For a couple of years, even after she crossed the rainbow bridge, the water would bead up when it rained.