Today’s Dingus of the Week was handpicked by newsletter reader Tom. Tom has been a longtime reader of MYAM, a supporter of Team Corn Sweat, a Democrat in Iowa, and an active member of the Flyover Discord, and has been lobbying me for years to make Burning Man the Dingus of the Week. In sum: Tom is out here doing the work. Tom’s persistence paid off, because I’m exhausted and I simply cannot fight another man this week. Also, it’s a good pick. Tom is a paying subscriber to this newsletter, and if you, too, want to wear me down and lobby me to take on your own personal grudges (Stefany from HR?) in an email that is blasted out to nearly 72,000 people, become a paying subscriber.
Also, be it known: I do listen to men, sometimes. And it might take four years. BUT I DO LISTEN.1
Have you ever wanted to do MDMA with a bunch of tech bros in an outdoor stewpot of mud and piss, with the vibe set by the worst electronica imaginable, and some guy named Trey is demanding to take you to the consensual Orgy Dome while a totem pole of precariously stacked vehicles looms above you? Well, get your ass to Burning Man.
Burning Man is Fyre Festival for people on ketamine.
Burning Man is like a trade show for DJs, where men who have nicknamed themselves “Lampshade” and “Cheeze” will tell you that The Matrix is a good idea, actually.
Burning Man began in 1986 and was initially conceived of as a weeklong countercultural festival in Nevada's Black Rock Desert, at a spot that Burners call the Playa, that centered art and free expression. Now, it’s basically glamping for every man who was behind the 2008 market crash and their third wives.
To be fair to Burning Man, the Orgy Dome, which was destroyed this year by a massive dust storm called a haboob (I know — you can’t make this shit up), is still more stable than the housing market these men built.
But at Burning Man, these men are not concerned with consequences or what evil AI robots they’ve currently unleashed upon humanity, squaring our electricity bills, sucking up our water and convincing the worst person you know that ChatGPT is Jesus and they should definitely become a prophet. No, they’re too busy shirtcocking.
Don’t know what that is? It’s walking around with a shirt but no pants on.
This is Disneyland for fucksticks.
Back to the Orgy Dome, which is a real thing. You can have an orgy on a bunch of mattresses floating on a mud swamp* with a bunch of strangers who think #MeToo went a little too far. (*Actually, given the haboob situation this year, it may have been more like a pack of horny chinchillas writhing around in their dust bath.)
If that doesn’t sound sexy, then wow, are you contributing to the male loneliness crisis? Treyvis Williamford McMuffin III (his playa name is Panty Dropper) has to vote for Trump now because you’re so uptight.
Don’t worry, though, the Orgy Dome organizers vow to rebuild. And I for one find that to be an inspiring testament to the strength, resiliency and potency of their will. And their dicks.
Burning Man is the EPCOT of Trump’s deregulatory agenda. And if your dream is to be mansplained to about the paleo diet and have a 56-year-old man contemplate the nature of reality while he grabs your ass, then it can be your EPCOT, too.
Young people at Burning Man? A bunch of nepo babies cosplaying as Marxists. Their family money comes from strip-mining Appalachia, but they’re going to go on shrooms and tell you about how they’ve found strength and inner peace in these trying times by going offline, eating organic food, connecting with nature, and drinking raw milk.
Also, Burning Man is dangerous. People die there. And injuries are so common SFGate reports that attendees can come out with piles of medical debt. And like, imagine your name is Pepper McFadden and you have to create a GoFundMe because you broke your arm falling from the top of a 70-foot-tall Labubu made from Poppi cans while high on nitrous, wearing a My Little Pony backpack and no pants.
I know all of us are God’s children and we all deserve lifesaving medical care, but this does make it challenging to stand on principle.
While researching Burning Man, I discovered that in 2023, Diplo and Chris Rock evacuated (along with many others) because of heavy rainfall. The two said they walked for six miles before hitching a ride out in someone’s truck. Apparently, that was a very controversial move! Let me quote from Zapper Jones, your Reddit guide to Burning Man:
Last year, when someone had turned on a lightning effect at the Fluffy Cloud stage, Diplo stopped the music, dropped his headphones and started running away like Forrest Gump into the darkness of Deep Playa. The Reason was that apparently he is terrified of rain and has massive cloud cover anxiety. Look, anyone who Bailed out early because of the rains of 2023 should have never been allowed back. I have ZERO respect for anyone who turned their backs on the community and ran away. There was no valid reason for anyone to leave. Work is not a valid reason for leaving. If you got fired from your job because you went to Burning Man, then you need to get a different fucking Job. Did you need to leave early because you brought kids? If your kids can't spend a few extra days in the rain then you should have never fucking brought them along in the first place. Or maybe you just need to get new kids. Either way, None of Ya'll should ever be welcomed back.
Petition to give Zapper a Pulitzer. Because that is the funniest paragraph I have ever read in my entire life. The whole post is absolutely incredible.
Don’t Diplo out, fucksticks. Not even for your kids.
And now for something good
In Iowa, Catelin Drey, a Democrat, won a special election for a House seat, breaking the Republican supermajority. They still have a majority. But Drey’s win, I think, is a model of what an outspoken woman can do with a social media platform, an incredible ground game, and an actual strong liberal stance. People want to vote for people who stand for something.
Kari Lake has been barred from removing the head of Voice of America.
Whoever is heckling Susan Collins, keep it up.
Tina Smith.
What I am enjoying
This week, I got to do a lot of exciting behind-the-scenes MYAM work that I will talk about very soon. In the meantime, I got to scream my head off at my daughter’s first high school swim meet and watch her win every single one of her events.
My god, the adrenaline rush. I totally understand Tonya Harding’s mom now.
Also, I haven’t had much to drink lately. But on Tuesday night, I did break open a bottle of Bødalen Whiskey, which is made in Minnesota, and had a small glass on my back porch and enjoyed the cooler weather.
Also, this review was one hell of a way to learn that Elizabeth Gilbert was the inspiration behind the most perfect movie ever made.
Diplo, out.
This is a joke because Tom's Dingus nominations are often the winning ones. I'm sure he has a tally somewhere.
I loved this--back when I was casting for reality television, I made the ROOKIE MISTAKE of asking a follow up question when a man mentioned going to Burning Man, and then I had to sit and listen to 45 minutes of unbroken monologue. It was over the phone, so I wrote help signs to my colleagues, who merely laughed at me.
The weekly Dingus nominations thread in the Flyover Politics Discord is always so much fun, and Tom's nominations are always on point. He nominated the pollen count a couple years back, which is a Dingus I will always remember because it has the best URL slug: http://lyz.substack.com/p/that-ho-pollen