Men Yell at Me: Discussions

The horrors of parenting in a digital age

lyz — Thu, 15 May 2025 11:07:15 GMT

In her book Second Life, Amanda Hess explores pregnancy, technology, and the problem of the surveillance of the pregnant body. Hess’s book is a well-written picture of a moment in time, when technology has offered mothers so much, while society is offering less and less. And it’s a reminder that there is no way to hack or disrupt parenting.

You can read …

What does family mean to you?

lyz — Mon, 12 May 2025 17:15:24 GMT

An unholy alliance of conservative Christians and tech broligarchs have rallied around a common cause: getting Americans to have more babies. Both groups have the ear of Donald Trump, who recently commemorated Women’s History Month by calling himself “the fertilization president.” Of course, the U.S. should do more to support parents and caregivers. But…

What and where is home?

lyz — Mon, 05 May 2025 15:36:15 GMT

I had one of those weekends that made me so happy to live in Iowa, where my kids and I were surrounded by community and joy and laughter. After traveling so much for March and April, it was so nice to be home and in a place that I truly feel is my home.

It’s hard to be an American right now. Trickier still to find my home in a red state. I find myself c…

Let's talk about bodies

lyz — Mon, 28 Apr 2025 15:28:56 GMT

American fitness and diet culture is shaped by toxic body ideals, rigid gender norms, and race and class exclusion. Add in the current brand of toxic masculinity, the spread of semaglutide, along with the current backlash against big bodies and fat bodies, trans bodies, immigrant bodies, and people with uteruses, and all of this can make it hard to move…

What do you do when you are burnt out?

lyz — Mon, 21 Apr 2025 11:24:26 GMT

While you are reading this, I (Lyz) am on a little vacation, where I am hopefully not looking at social media or my phone (except for Google Maps because I have a terrible sense of direction).

I booked the trip a couple of months ago when I was burnt out, crying to my friend Molly about how I couldn’t do everything all the time anymore. I am the board chair for the Iowa Abortion Access Fund, and our director had just resigned, leaving me to lead the transition. Something I don’t know how to do. My other volunteer work was asking me to pick up some extra work. I had no time to work on my book proposal or start the podcast I wanted to start (it’s coming!). This newsletter was going through a rough patch where I was worried people would not subscribe, which is fair, it’s a recession and luxuries are the first to go. And as much as I love my work, you cannot live off of it. I have no safety net to rely on. No second income. Just me, a single mom with no skills, no prospects, and no ability to be a burden on my parents. I’m frightened.

Oh, and the world is on fire.

How much news is too much news?

lyz — Mon, 14 Apr 2025 11:19:42 GMT

Every day brings an onslaught of rage-inducing headlines. The second Trump administration has produced nothing but chaos and cruelty by instigating trade wars, gutting federal agencies, and disappearing immigrants. While it’s important to pay attention to what’s happening, reading the news can also leave us feeling inert and helpless. Where’s the line between overloading yourself with information and disconnecting from reality?

Did you protest?

lyz — Mon, 07 Apr 2025 15:21:42 GMT

This Saturday, over 1,400 “Hands Off!” mass-action protests were held at state capitols, federal buildings, congressional offices, and government buildings, across America

Should you stay or should you go?

lyz — Mon, 31 Mar 2025 15:03:51 GMT

As Trump’s election victory became clear in November, thousands of Americans began looking for an escape hatch. Google searches for “move to Canada” surged 1,270% the day after the election, while similar searches about moving to New Zealand and Australia jumped by 2,000% and 820%, respectively. Few Americans have the resources to emigrate. But financia…

Breaking up with screens

lyz — Mon, 24 Mar 2025 15:31:13 GMT

In the past couple of weeks, I’ve been deleting Instagram and BlueSky off my phone over the weekends. I have to confess I didn’t come up with the idea. This move was inspired by , a queen of boundary setting.

And I’ve learned that I don’t really miss them that much.

It’s inspired me to put my phone away when I am with friends — turning myself on airplane mode and refusing to Google answers during conversations. I recently befriended someone who only texts once a day! Imagine that. He only goes on his phone once a day.

His field is Medieval literature, so as I pointed out, there are not a lot of new developments in that profession he needs to keep track of.

How has your life changed in the past five years?

lyz — Mon, 17 Mar 2025 12:51:21 GMT

On March 11, 2020, the WHO declared COVID-19 a pandemic.

Five years ago, I read the Tweets of my friends in LA and NYC about the death tolls and the shut downs. It was coming for us. So I went grocery shopping with the man I was dating. I showed him how to use Aldi and we stocked up on shelf-stable supplies. I already had toilet paper in bulk in my basement. Being the second oldest of eight kids and raised homeschooled evangelical, bulk shopping is in my blood.

That was the last time I went into a grocery store for an entire year.

This boyfriend used to tease me about my bulk shopping until my toilet paper supply was able to last us through five months and the worst of the shortages.

How do you raise a son?

lyz — Mon, 10 Mar 2025 16:23:02 GMT

Last Thursday, I sat in a meeting with my financial advisor. I specifically chose her because she is a woman, and I cried during our first couple of meetings. I cried about money because I was scared of the future of instability, of not having enough. I cried because for so long I haven’t had enough. I cried because I grew up unstable, and then later, when I was married, that stability became a prison.

I’ve been working with Stephanie for five years now. She’s helped me budget and save, and I finally feel like my feet are back underneath me.

During our meeting last week, we talked about the book and kids and the future. Stephanie has two daughters and and at one point she looked at me and said, “Are you scared to raise a son?”

What was your favorite movie of the past year?

lyz — Mon, 03 Mar 2025 18:11:32 GMT

Last night, I watched the Oscars and then immediately fell asleep while they were on. The last thing I remember was the songwriters for Emilia Perez being weird on stage.

How has your work been impacted?

lyz — Mon, 24 Feb 2025 11:27:23 GMT

From family farms to National Parks, Trump's executive orders are changing every facet of public life.

The orders are changing the ways we work. This week, a person in Iowa emailed to tell me they’d been asked to take their pronouns out of their work email because the company they work for contracts with the state. My volunteer work has been impacted, with board members worried about funding cuts. NEA grants have been rewritten and reworded to “shift priorities” — a euphemism for being steamrollered by fascism.

While some companies are ending DEI initiatives, others are doubling down on them.

How has your work changed since the election? What fears are you balancing at your work? Is management “rolling back” DEI are they continuing? Do you work for a college or university, what are they doing and saying? Do you work for or contract with the government? Also, has your volunteer or community work been impacted?

What small things are you doing?

lyz — Mon, 17 Feb 2025 16:41:04 GMT

On Friday, I hosted a Substack live with . Liz is a political journalist, podcaster, and author. She was a senior producer and political correspondent at Vox, and is the author of the book For the Love of Men. She also has the newsletter . I love Liz’s joyful approach to the bizarre and idiotic political moment we find ourselves in.

We talk about politics, “resistance”, and how we can show up for ourselves and our communities over the next four years, and our lifetimes.

I also told her about some of my man and mug related trauma.

Thank you , , , , , and many others for tuning into my live video with !

Tell me what are you're doing. How are you showing up for your community these days? What actions are you finding helpful?

Who is your nemesis?

lyz — Mon, 10 Feb 2025 17:12:33 GMT

A stadium filled with 70,000+ people yelling “A minor” is a devious way to destroy your enemy.

Could you go to the office full-time?

lyz — Mon, 27 Jan 2025 18:44:19 GMT

One of Trump’s many executive orders was a “return to office” mandate for federal employees, which Axios estimates affects 7,000 people.

Return-to-office mandates usually result in people quitting and impact underrepresented workers the most.

In fact, in an opinion piece written last year, Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy wrote, "Requiring federal employees to come to the office five days a week would result in a wave of voluntary terminations that we welcome.”

This move, along with ending DEI efforts, is a clear attempt to force white women and people of color out of the workforce and out of public life.

Inauguration Day counterprogramming

lyz — Mon, 20 Jan 2025 17:01:42 GMT

This Saturday, after a long morning of Zoom meetings. I logged off my computer, put my face in my hands, and sobbed.

I am not a crier. I am my father’s daughter, as such I have a Boomer man’s awareness of my emotional state1. So it took me all day and a very nice dinner with some friends that night, to unpack why I was fully melting down.

Beyond all the normal things — co-parenting with someone who bought cupcakes for our kids to celebrate the inauguration of Trump; having a teen daughter, and this is the peak of competitive swim season; worrying about my next book and publishing instability; worrying about this newsletter under a Trump administration and the downward trend of subscriptions — I was also stressed about the future here in Iowa, raising two kids in this state governed by shitposting grievance politics, fear for my queer and trans friends, fear for my communities.

What gives you hope?

lyz — Mon, 13 Jan 2025 16:28:17 GMT

I know we did a hope thread back in November, but with the world being on fire and so much need and fury swirling around, I’d love to do another thread about hope and what is helping you continue to show up for your community.

What are you letting go of in the New Year?

lyz — Mon, 30 Dec 2024 16:48:19 GMT

Hi friends, I am back! I really enjoyed my time rotting on a couch, drinking wine, eating mashed potatoes, and reading DH Lawrence. Thank you so much for subscribing and letting me take breaks.

Why is it so easy to hate women?

lyz — Mon, 23 Dec 2024 16:10:31 GMT

This weekend, the New York Times reported that Blake Lively is suing Justin Baldoni for orchestrating a smear campaign against her during the “It Ends with Us” press tour. The details of it are gross. The story highlights the ways that a PR company was able to manipulate the discourse. But the aspect that I think is worse is everyone fell for it. I remember seeing the onslaught of social media posts where everyone turned on Blake Lively. Respected cultural commentators, pundits, critics, everyone began to criticize the actress. Video clips from interviews past were dug up and reinterpreted to paint her as a racist and an awful snob. People commented on her looks, her clothes, her acting. She suddenly became someone who deserved every bad thing.

It was as if people were just waiting for an excuse to pounce and rip her apart.

I’m glad Blake Lively has the resources to fight back. Not all women who have found themselves in the center of bad faith attacks have those resources. *Stares pointedly.*